New to non-monogamy

xzypher

New member
Hey,

I just joined and today is the day that my wife has an experience with another. It has long been a fantasy of mine and something we recently discussed, as she admitted that she has made a connection with someone. She was happy to end it but I wanted to explore it with her. We talked about boundaries and dealt with some of my insecurities, but as it draws closer I'm feeling a huge amount of nerves and wondering how others dealt with it the first time and what they experienced after. Any advice?
 
Sure, here's my two cents. It's not a great idea to go into opening your marriage (attempting casual sex with another, or to open the door to full-on polyamory, i.e., consenting to your partner [and/or you] being able to have actual loving romantic relationships with others) on just a fantasy and a prayer.

It doesn't sound like you're into polyamory (multiple loves), but more of a cuckolding thing, where the idea of your wife with another man is a sexual turn-on for you. You might do some research on Fetlife.com (a networking place for people with a variety of kinks) to see what cuckolding means, if you don't already.

That said, you are into this idea, but your wife seems lukewarm. She'd be happy to end her "connection" with this other guy, but you want her to fulfill YOUR fantasy. You probably want her to go have casual sex, and then come home and tell you all about it, for YOUR sexual pleasure. I could be wrong. Feel free to correct me.

As for your nerves, you just kind of have to tough it out. You could distract yourself by hanging out with a friend, working out, or doing some other absorbing activity, to pass the time.

One way to pass the time is to explore our Golden Nuggets section, where you will find a list of reading materials (online articles, books) and a podcast dedicated to polyamory topics. You will also find a list of archived merged threads on just about every polyamory topic you could imagine.

 
Hello xzypher,

I can't tell if you're actually going to be present when your wife and the other man do the deed? If you're going to let them have their privacy, then you could do stuff to help distract you, maybe you could do stuff that she wouldn't want to do, like watch a movie that you want to see that doesn't interest her. If you're going to be present when they do the deed, then I guess you should just go with the flow and focus on the exciting aspects of the situation. Don't be too stressed out over your case of the nerves, that is an emotion and will pass in due time. In the meantime, keep reading and posting on this forum.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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