New to Poly Relationship

J

Jessmecness

New member
I am new to the polyamory community. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and have recently decided to open up our relationship to include another person. So, now that we have decided to to open up our relationship what should we do next. Both of us have researched this lifestyle and talked about what it is that we would like to see happen. We also have decided that adding another women to our relationship would be our goal. The only problem is that I don't know where we should start looking for those who are also interested in this type of lifestyle. Any advice would be great.
 
I'd suggest trying to stay away from the mythical unicorn hunt. Possibly date 1 person each if you are both open to the idea for many reasons. Finding one hot bi chick that works well with both of you, and wants only the 2 of you for a closed triad is very unlikely to happen. As for looking for someone with this lifestyle I would suggest putting yourself out there in a group that has an open mind(alternative sex, bdsm or GLBT clubs would all be open to the idea) or use a dating site such as OkCupid or FetLife. Meet someone you like before pursuing the sex seams to work better for most of the relationships. I'd also read the golden nuggets forum's here has a lot of great help there.
 
Wiccan is spot-on. Also, read this article, and do a search here for "unicorn hunter," "unicorn," and "triads."

The "adding a hot bi-babe" fantasy is a common one for those new to poly, because it seems "safe," and "hot." In reality, it's very different. Read the stories here, and really take a look at the articles and think about how they apply to you both, your relationship, and your outlook. The (very, very few) triads that work almost always form organically from one person dating someone the other happens to hit it off with (or something similar), not from a couple "adding" a sexy condiment (those tend to end explosively, emotionally, and in myriad damaging ways).
 
Unicorns

i agree with both of you that searching for a unicorn is not really the way to go for me and my husband. we have talked about who and how we would like to accomplish our next step. i have a best friend that we would love to add but she lives out of state and we only get to see each other maybe 3 times a year. unfortunately she is in an unloving relationship but is tied down because of children with the man. in an ideal situation we would be together. this however is not so easily done. what are your thoughts? i am willing to move but my husband is having a hard time with the thought.
 
Jessmecness said:
i agree with both of you that searching for a unicorn is not really the way to go for me and my husband. we have talked about who and how we would like to accomplish our next step. i have a best friend that we would love to add but she lives out of state and we only get to see each other maybe 3 times a year. unfortunately she is in an unloving relationship but is tied down because of children with the man. in an ideal situation we would be together. this however is not so easily done. what are your thoughts? i am willing to move but my husband is having a hard time with the thought.
Click to expand...

a.) I think a lot of poly people would advise that you steer clear of your friend in an "unloving relationship" until she resolves that - being "tied down" with children is resolvable - divorce and co-parent.

b.) Is she even interested in such an arrangement?

c.) I would not recommend moving to accommodate a relationship that has not even been established yet!
 
Greetings Jessmecness,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I see your point about your friend living out of state, you would have to move to be closer to her rather than the other way around, due to custody issues if she decides to divorce. Before crossing that bridge though, I would ask her whether polyamory is something she's interested in.

I wish all three of you the best.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
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