New to the forum but not to polyamory

lithoman

lithoman

New member
Hi, I'm Mark! My wife and I have been polyamorous for several years. The greatest benefit to our marriage from polyamory is much improved communication. She had been cheating on me for a couple of years because she was afraid I'd leave her if I knew she was interested in sex with other men. The threat of me leaving her was much greater because of her deception and dishonesty. We separated for 2 years while we figured out what we wanted to do. During that time I realized that I was capable of multiple loving relationships and I began to try dating other women.

Now we are practicing kitchen table polyamory. We each know the other's partners and are putting together an intentional family. I recently lost a partner to cancer and another is now recovering from the same class of cancer. That's been emotional and tough on our tiny polycule, but this partner believes she has much more support than she would if she were monogamous. That's been great to see!

My position at an employer was recently eliminated so I have some time available to work on meeting other polyamorous and ENM people. I hope to talk to some here.
 
Welcome! That sounds like a good situation. I like that you actually took time to separate and figure out what you both wanted before coming back together for a new relationship (so to speak). So many people twist themselves to fit someone else's vision, and it rarely works (I mean, someone is usually going to feel resentment). Sounds like you two have a healthy way of dealing with all of this right now.
 
Thank you! It's taken work and teamwork to decide how we are, as well as who we are individually. I will admit it took a really long time for my anger about the deception to pass and for my strategy for dealing with all of it to change to a more loving one from one where I was just looking to get laid and she had to just deal with my choices. Now one of her partners lives with us part time. A big, positive change.
 
Oh, absolutely! The deception would bother me too.

I get what you mean about moving from sex to polyamory. It's a step many don't take (or won't take), but I'm glad it's working for you. I FAR prefer it, personally, but I know lots of people who don't want their partners to have full intimacy and love with anyone else.
 
I'm so glad things are working out for you and your wife. You have much to celebrate. I would like to extend my condolences as well for the loss of your partner. My second hubs died and I lost my dad to cancer so I've been there. ❤️

Welcome to the forum. : )

dottie
 
Greetings Mark,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have made a healthy foray into polyamory, it has improved your communication with your wife. You should be able to talk to some polyamorists here, just keep reading and posting, and letting us know if you have any questions. You will find that there are people who need your help too. I'm glad you could join us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
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