New to the site, bisexual polyamorous couple

[gema9809]

Well hello, all you wonderful people. We are a happily married couple. I am a bi male and my wife is an open-minded female. We have been in a fairly standard monogamous relationship, married for 8 yrs now.

In the past year, we started exploring our sexuality with other men, solo experiences with other men and women, and then MMF threesomes. At first we thought we wanted to be swingers, but after an all-nighter and subsequent visits from this one awesome guy, we realized something. We both desired an intimate relationship with him (which is not gonna happen, as he's married to another girl and is an army career soldier ).

Well, we were confused, and still are. We do not desire separate relationships. We love each other very much, and even when it's consensual, stepping outside of the relationship always ends up with jealousy and arguments. But we fell for someone together who made us both feel so special that we would happily bring that person into our lives and. There was no jealousy. Well, maybe a little, but it was overwhelmed by the mutual desire to be intimate with that person together.

So, what are we? Our dream would be to add another male to our relationship who we are both mutually attracted to, and then eventually, another woman, as well, and keep that as our primary. I don't know. lol

This site's interesting. It's just cool to know were not alone. We thought this kind of stuff didn't exist. lol

 

[BlackUnicorn]

Welcome!

You are male unicorn (municorn!) hunters. Do a tag search on unicorns and triads and feel free to ask if something comes up.

 

[redpepper]

We do not desire separate relationships. We love each other very much. Even when its consensual, stepping outside of the relationship always ends up with jealousy and arguments

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I'm just wondering if there is an assumption here, because having separate relationships has more to do with a need for independence in one's life than with measurement of love. I love my partners very much also, and I don't have a triad, in terms of romantic love. My (male) partners are loving as friends, and committed to each other as metamours, but there is no romance or sex between them. We spend lots of time together, but in a different way than romantically. Perhaps this kind of arrangement would work for you too, as you go along. Usually triads of any kind break into vees.

I also wanted to point out, unless you are talking about yourselves, that jealousy and arguments don't always occur and can be addressed and lessened with time and work. There can be a lot of lessons and increased connection built from the two. I actually welcome jealousy as an old friend that makes me look at my shit again.

 

[gema9809]

Not sure. Assumption? I'm sure there is some. We do know this. Yeah, the jealousy comes from us. No question about it whatsoever. But we know we have tried a few things, consensual infidelity (and once nonconsensual ). We have tried swinging fun. That was what we thought we wanted until we started considering this. What we know is we are not into it for the independence. We like the multi-partner sex, the pillow talk afterwards, and getting to know each other. And afterwards, as we wait for our friend to call us back, we both like the fact that we desire to be near the same person (or maybe just this one person).

Of the separate exclusive relationships we have seen, we don't think that is right for us. We understand it might work for some people. I think it would be humiliating, in a way, to watch my wife have a separate relationship with someone else. And when I have gone on solo dates with others there was a certain degree of angsty bad feelings regarding that.

Now with the one we liked and experienced together, we were amazed, and the jealousy was nonexistent.

I mean, my wife had sex with him solo, on our anniversary, without my permission, and honestly, it wasn't like such a huge betrayal, and the fact that we both had those feelings and were able to express them together was pretty fucking cool.

Now are not super xp, or have a bunch of xp or knowledge of this world. What we know is this when we got our heads around the idea a multi-partner, bi, all-inclusive LTR, it seemed like heaven to us.

 

[gema9809]

Redpepper, I read a little of your blog. It sounds like you have some interesting life stories.

 

[redpepper]

My husband and I had a relationship with a man once. We shared. They are bisexual and I am pansexual. It was great for a time, but as with most triads, it ended up a vee. Actually what ended up was that the other guy was cheating and we didn't know it. He lied to us and his actual partner, and I was heartbroken. My husband was not heartbroken, but angry.

We not only learned that triads are not for us, and went out and found our own loves again, but that we will never date someone without checking with the other partners again. A bit off topic, but that was my experience with a triad.

No, I lie. We had/have another lover we shared. That also ended after a few months. He is the pivot now though, although I like to sit and watch. Oh, I don't know... whatever. Stupid definitions. We just are. We have sex... sometimes together and sometimes apart. We haven't seen that guy in 6 months, but have known him for 15 years. He always comes around.

Now we have lovely relationships with many people and we all are good friends/metamours. Why stop at one? PN had a male lover, and dated a woman too, and had me. And I had Mono and Derby at the time. It was great to know we both had our needs met and were close with all of them, just on differing levels and for differing reasons.

It seems to me that to put a thing in terms of "This is how it is and this is how it always shall be" is rather short-sighted. Fluidity means that things can eb and flow as time goes on and you meet people. Sure, boundaries are good, in fact, suggested. But things are never the same with other people. Every experience is different. Sometimes mourning is necessary before moving on.

The thing is, for me anyway, is to keep an eye on the boundaries and let them shift, all the while asking if everyone is okay. That way love is an open, welcoming thing and not closed to a select few who fit certain criteria. Know what I mean?

If you know what you want, then there should be no worries. Just keep looking.

 

[Anneintherain]

It is ironic that if you think dating solo always results in jealousy and arguments, that if you did manage to have a relationship with that man you both liked, he would be having jealousy and arguments with his spouse because he was dating solo, while you and your wife would be avoiding dealing with those issues.

I don't have any advice, but I am wondering if it is easier to find a male unicorn than a female. I assume it might be, as long as you are okay with them dating other people. But it sounds like you might feel that could also cause jealousy and problems among the three of you, then.