austin1988
New member
So, feeling a bit lost. Just need some help getting my bearings in this situation. I should preface this by saying, 6 months ago the idea of myself being in any sort of poly situation was unfathomable. Not because I thought it weird, but because I didn't think I had the propensity to care so intensely for two people at the same time.
A couple of months ago, I started seeing these two handsome bears (they've been together for 2 years) and it was only supposed to be sex. But, we quickly realized we had a lot of things in common. We rapidly started seeing each other 4-5 times a week. I expressed the fact that I was developing feelings for both of them only to be rebuffed and told that they didn't want to be poly and that our time together had a shelf life (that was soul crushing to hear). But, I went with it anyway because I still throughly enjoyed their company.
Fast forward, one night we're all out drinking and having a good night. We were at one bar and I was watching them be affectionate with each other (mind you I'm hyper-affectionate, so the entire time I want to kiss and touch them only to feel like I don't know what I'm allowed to do) the entire time I'm watching them I wasn't jealous of the attention one or the other was getting; I was jealous because I wanted to be a part of it.
I then sat them down and told them I couldn't continue doing this because I was watching myself fall for them. They admitted they had no idea what they were doing with me (they informed me this was completely new territory for them) and that they didn't want me to not be in their lives. Rules they were trying to implement with me no longer carried weight because those rules were designated for people they ONLY had sex with. We talked together, they talked alone. One half admitted to having feelings for me and had no qualms delving into poly because of me. The second half was hesitant because he wasn't sure how that would define their standing relationship. I tried to reassure him that at the end of the day I am only going to enjoy watching them grow as a couple, I simply wanted to be a part of it.
They sat me down a few days later, saying they didn't know what we were. But essentially we were dating. And that they wanted to open their relationship to include me. We discussed some concerns on their end: "what happens when we get married?" I told them: "in this moment, i'm okay with it. 3 years from now when y'all are, I don't know if it'll be a problem, but I don't want to think about it. Cause this could all fizzle out tomorrow." We discussed how we would introduce ourselves while we figured out what we were. I was their "boy" and they my "daddies" or simply I was dating them (for those how can't fathom how the other dynamic works).
So, this is where I am now. I am trying not to overthink the small things. But I feel like this sort of uncertainty is bound to happen for the third in my situation. Because, in this scenario none of us know how to navigate this. Part of me wants to be vocal when I feel left out or if my feelings are hurt in general. But I don't know if I'm worth the trouble of having to address my concerns and us collectively dealing with them. I constantly tell myself if I wasn't worth the trouble I wouldn't be here. The fact that I'm dating them is a testament to how much they want me around. Quite frankly I don't know what I'm doing.
Looking for advice on how to maneuver this. We're all new to this type of relationship. Essentially, were doing what we did before they opened up, the only difference is we're dating now. So my old insecurities are there because the dynamic hasn't really changed. I don't want to feel like the expendable one or feel like the third wheel. I just don't know what the next step is. Do I let it play out for a bit and see if things fix themselves organically? Or say something now? Just don't want to come off super aggressive. Just lost.
A couple of months ago, I started seeing these two handsome bears (they've been together for 2 years) and it was only supposed to be sex. But, we quickly realized we had a lot of things in common. We rapidly started seeing each other 4-5 times a week. I expressed the fact that I was developing feelings for both of them only to be rebuffed and told that they didn't want to be poly and that our time together had a shelf life (that was soul crushing to hear). But, I went with it anyway because I still throughly enjoyed their company.
Fast forward, one night we're all out drinking and having a good night. We were at one bar and I was watching them be affectionate with each other (mind you I'm hyper-affectionate, so the entire time I want to kiss and touch them only to feel like I don't know what I'm allowed to do) the entire time I'm watching them I wasn't jealous of the attention one or the other was getting; I was jealous because I wanted to be a part of it.
I then sat them down and told them I couldn't continue doing this because I was watching myself fall for them. They admitted they had no idea what they were doing with me (they informed me this was completely new territory for them) and that they didn't want me to not be in their lives. Rules they were trying to implement with me no longer carried weight because those rules were designated for people they ONLY had sex with. We talked together, they talked alone. One half admitted to having feelings for me and had no qualms delving into poly because of me. The second half was hesitant because he wasn't sure how that would define their standing relationship. I tried to reassure him that at the end of the day I am only going to enjoy watching them grow as a couple, I simply wanted to be a part of it.
They sat me down a few days later, saying they didn't know what we were. But essentially we were dating. And that they wanted to open their relationship to include me. We discussed some concerns on their end: "what happens when we get married?" I told them: "in this moment, i'm okay with it. 3 years from now when y'all are, I don't know if it'll be a problem, but I don't want to think about it. Cause this could all fizzle out tomorrow." We discussed how we would introduce ourselves while we figured out what we were. I was their "boy" and they my "daddies" or simply I was dating them (for those how can't fathom how the other dynamic works).
So, this is where I am now. I am trying not to overthink the small things. But I feel like this sort of uncertainty is bound to happen for the third in my situation. Because, in this scenario none of us know how to navigate this. Part of me wants to be vocal when I feel left out or if my feelings are hurt in general. But I don't know if I'm worth the trouble of having to address my concerns and us collectively dealing with them. I constantly tell myself if I wasn't worth the trouble I wouldn't be here. The fact that I'm dating them is a testament to how much they want me around. Quite frankly I don't know what I'm doing.
Looking for advice on how to maneuver this. We're all new to this type of relationship. Essentially, were doing what we did before they opened up, the only difference is we're dating now. So my old insecurities are there because the dynamic hasn't really changed. I don't want to feel like the expendable one or feel like the third wheel. I just don't know what the next step is. Do I let it play out for a bit and see if things fix themselves organically? Or say something now? Just don't want to come off super aggressive. Just lost.
