MonoVCPHG
New member
I like to refer to this as "flipping the switch." Good for you in distancing yourself from this drama.
New, with new feelings... HELP
- Thread starter windmarkbob
- Start date
I like to refer to this as "flipping the switch." Good for you in distancing yourself from this drama.
redpepper
Active member
Mono and I talked about your situation last night. We disagreed on several things. But here goes with my opinion, anyway. 
Trevor said he felt as if he were cheating, right? I would suggest that he guessed when it came to understanding your point about it all, in terms of it being about love, not fucking each other's wives. It probably seemed like a great idea at the time, as he didn't think he would react. He probably thought it would be fine to "give" Amber to you, and would be fine with "taking" Jolene, in return. He missed your point and, not only that, he got all excited about the sexual act, had sex with Jolene, and then realized what he would lose, which was Amber. He got emotional, which was your point. It was about emotions for you. It turned out that he actually cared about that enough to say stop!
I agree, he's an asshole. But give the poor man some credit. He saw where he went wrong and is working on it. They both are.
How many times have we said on here that poly relationships challenge EVERYTHING? I really hope that at some point your anger subsides and you are able to empathize with them, for yourselves, more than anything.
Perhaps you can use this time to better educate yourselves on poly and all it entails before proceeding with another crush/love interest.
Too bad you didn't get laid. I gotta say, that really bugged!!
Trevor said he felt as if he were cheating, right? I would suggest that he guessed when it came to understanding your point about it all, in terms of it being about love, not fucking each other's wives. It probably seemed like a great idea at the time, as he didn't think he would react. He probably thought it would be fine to "give" Amber to you, and would be fine with "taking" Jolene, in return. He missed your point and, not only that, he got all excited about the sexual act, had sex with Jolene, and then realized what he would lose, which was Amber. He got emotional, which was your point. It was about emotions for you. It turned out that he actually cared about that enough to say stop!
I agree, he's an asshole. But give the poor man some credit. He saw where he went wrong and is working on it. They both are.
How many times have we said on here that poly relationships challenge EVERYTHING? I really hope that at some point your anger subsides and you are able to empathize with them, for yourselves, more than anything.
Perhaps you can use this time to better educate yourselves on poly and all it entails before proceeding with another crush/love interest.
Too bad you didn't get laid. I gotta say, that really bugged!!
windmarkbob
New member
Redpepper, I agree with everything you said in your first paragraph 100%. While I would probably like to think Trevor's an asshole, I really can't. I like the guy, and as I've told him before, I understand jealousy, been there done that, and likely to be there again, to some degree.
I am NOT angry with him, just a little frustrated at the whole situation right now. The only thing I'm pretty sure about when it comes to this whole new poly thing to me, is that I ain't sleeping with someone I don't like, that I don't respect, that I don't have chemistry with, and that I can't trust to open myself up to. Other than that, anyone will do, in a pinch.
Jolene agrees with me, but her standards are a little lower, in that she's okay with the occasional romp for fun with a well-known friendly acquaintance and drinking partner. Of course, most of her life she's been a saint, and I've got a reputation as a weasel. Odd how we change through life.
Thanks for the input, regardless of how condescending it may have sounded with the, "Perhaps you can use this time to better educate yourselves on poly and all it entails before proceeding with another crush/love interest." I know you didn't mean it condescendingly, even though that's how it struck me the first time I glanced at it.
Later,
WeaselBob
I am NOT angry with him, just a little frustrated at the whole situation right now. The only thing I'm pretty sure about when it comes to this whole new poly thing to me, is that I ain't sleeping with someone I don't like, that I don't respect, that I don't have chemistry with, and that I can't trust to open myself up to. Other than that, anyone will do, in a pinch.
Jolene agrees with me, but her standards are a little lower, in that she's okay with the occasional romp for fun with a well-known friendly acquaintance and drinking partner. Of course, most of her life she's been a saint, and I've got a reputation as a weasel. Odd how we change through life.
Thanks for the input, regardless of how condescending it may have sounded with the, "Perhaps you can use this time to better educate yourselves on poly and all it entails before proceeding with another crush/love interest." I know you didn't mean it condescendingly, even though that's how it struck me the first time I glanced at it.
Later,
WeaselBob
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redpepper
Active member
I'm sorry if it sounded so. I suppose one could read it that way, but it wasn't my intent.
It sounds like Jolene has the chance to work through it quickly, if she saw it as a romp in the hay, as Trevor did. At least she wasn't in love with him.
I'm sorry. You must feel hurt that your love for Amber cannot be realized right now. I hear that you love her. Its just that I saw that as lessoned in terms of what you said about not getting laid. It kind of degraded that for me.
It sounds like Jolene has the chance to work through it quickly, if she saw it as a romp in the hay, as Trevor did. At least she wasn't in love with him.
I'm sorry. You must feel hurt that your love for Amber cannot be realized right now. I hear that you love her. Its just that I saw that as lessoned in terms of what you said about not getting laid. It kind of degraded that for me.
windmarkbob
New member
Thank you for the clarification. Yeah, I can see how it would make it seem like I had cheapened the whole thing with that flippant remark. Being flippant and sarcastic are a couple of defense mechanisms I've honed to razor-sharp lethality and I use them when I shouldn't sometimes.
And yeah, for all practical purposes, it worked out fine for Jolene. In some ways, she was the one least hurt by this little fiasco. She wasn't nearly as emotionally invested as the rest of us were. She's doing fine.
I'm feeling a thousand percent better since I made the call to back out entirely, until the other couple gets their stuff worked out.
Again, thanks for the posts, and Redpepper, thanks for the clarification!
WeaselBob
Yeah, I can see how it would make it seem like I had cheapened the whole thing with that flippant remark. Being flippant and sarcastic are a couple of defense mechanisms I've honed to razor-sharp lethality and I use them when I shouldn't sometimes. And yeah, for all practical purposes, it worked out fine for Jolene. In some ways, she was the one least hurt by this little fiasco. She wasn't nearly as emotionally invested as the rest of us were. She's doing fine.
I'm feeling a thousand percent better since I made the call to back out entirely, until the other couple gets their stuff worked out.
Again, thanks for the posts, and Redpepper, thanks for the clarification!
WeaselBob
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