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TheSquirrel

New member
I am a husband of a wonderful lady the love of my life. We were high school sweethearts drown apart and brought back together. We have a crazy world filled with kids and work opposite shifts.

We had always joked about another hubby for her which came to pass within the past couple. Hey man from her past came back to her as I did and she fell in love.

I have always thought myself an open minded person but never been tested this much in a relationship.

Here are my Struggles :
- time spent with our love - because of my schedule vs his which is opposite of mine. He is getting more quality time during the evening for hanging out, cuddling, and sex.
- sex and availability - this goes along with #1 because of schedules its easier for him. He doesnt have to force her awake so to speak. He is able to kiss her, or cuddle into, or shower because of the time he is there.
- losing my place - I am at home with the kids, cleaning, doing housely duties, and then I go to work.I am worried I will become the boyfriend/childcare/maid vs the husband.

I have since realized putting this down on paper that it's all about me. I may need to focus on her and see if she continues to show me the same affections. If one is unhappy projecting that onto someone else will continue that unhappiness upon himself.

Happily looking for advice and an open ear.
 
Wanted to Add

Me and ManX are becoming friends closer everyday. I know this makes a difference as this isn't something new for him completely. He has been part of 3 somes and this community for some time. Just not in this type of situation.
 
Hi TheSquirrel Welcome ! :)

I've two husbands. We have five kids. I know it is not easy.

If you can hang on to it I'm sure you all will find a way to make your poly life happier than today. But the path isn't smooth.

In the meantime, this forum and the members will be great resources to you and your poly "tribe".
 
Altogether between the three of us we have six children. That does play a big struggle and making the three of it work. It will be great to get in touch with a few people that I can talk to to better understand some perspective. Including that of the woman in a 2 husband relationship.
 
In our blog section, read Bluebird's blog. She has 2 kids and 2 husbands and now also a serious boyfriend. As the hinge of her "V" which is now a star shape, she puts a lot of love and work into making their schedules mesh so the amount of neglect any one guy feels is kept as small as possible.
 
Greetings TheSquirrel,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You listed three struggles, and expressed yourself well. I suggest going to your wife and expressing those struggles the same way you did here. Ask her for help in figuring out some solutions or at least ways to mitigate the problems. Communication is important in any relationship, but especially in a poly relationship. Transparency.

Keep us posted on how things are going, and we'll continue to try to help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks for the Reaponses

I appreciate the warm welcome to the forum.

I am very open with my emotions with my wife and her boyfriend. We all know how the other one is thinking for sure. I'm taking it a day at a time. I know the first couple months are the hardest with this transition. I just have to allow my wife to show me things are still strong between us and I'm not "being replaced" but rather more love and friendship.
 
It sounds like you have the right idea.
 
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