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[Nessa]

Hi I’m Nessa. I’m 36 I have been dating a man nothing official for past 2 yrs. I was going though a divorce and couldn’t have anything official for myself. Divorce final in oct /22. 6 months into agreeing not to sleep with anyone else he slept with and continue to sleep with and see another women. I thought it was a one time thing but found out nov 22 it had been going on for the last 2 yrs as well. Well fast forward he tells me he hasn’t seen her in months and well I asked her and she told me the truth. We both knew it and fell in love with the same man. I truly believe you can love and be loved by more then one person.

We have had the conversation he and I about having a 3 some but never a true relationship with both.

I was angry the other night when I found out they have indeed still been hanging out and had sex. I was more pissed off because he continues to lie to us. About each other. Obviously we love him and he loves us both.

I decided to talk to her first and see if she’d be willing to try both of us being with him. No jealously no secrets and no lies. That if her and I remained platonic it would be ok, if she chose more that would be ok too. She agreed. I proceeded to have the conversation with him and he was blown away. Mind you he 13 yrs older then myself as is she. But they are both wonderful and I look forward to getting to know her.

He said he would love nothing more then to have both his girls with out hiding and lying. Such a relief in its own. So we are gonna give this a try. We will all sit down together and discuss.

I’ve always imagined myself being with both a women and man. I’m truly happy.

 

[Nessa]

Also no more hurt caused between us. One on one time is need as well as togetherness

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Nessa,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you are just at the beginning of a wonderful poly relationship -- either a triad or a V. I hope the man you're dating has realized that he doesn't need to lie and cheat, you will accept him as he is. It's wonderful to have you with us; let us know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Nessa]

Greetings Nessa,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you are just at the beginning of a wonderful poly relationship -- either a triad or a V. I hope the man you're dating has realized that he doesn't need to lie and cheat, you will accept him as he is. It's wonderful to have you with us; let us know if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Healthy is what we want.

 

[kdt26417]

That sounds good to me.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi,

I’m Nessa.

Hi, Nessa. I am going to add nicknames to your partner, ex and metamour for clarity for your readers.

I’m 36. I have been dating a man, Ben, nothing official, for the past 2 yrs. I was going though a divorce from Archer and couldn’t have anything official for myself. My divorce was finalized in October, 2022. 6 months into agreeing not to sleep with anyone else, Ben slept with and continued to see another woman. I thought it was a one-time thing, but found out in November, '22 that it had been going on for the last 2 yrs, as well. Well, fast forward, Ben tells me he hasn’t seen her, June, in months. But I asked her, and she told me the truth.

We both knew it and fell in love with the same man. I truly believe you can love and be loved by more then one person.

Ben and I have had a conversation about having a threesome but it has never been a true relationship with both.

I was angry the other night when I found out they have indeed still been hanging out and having sex. I was more pissed off because Ben continues to lie to both me and June about each other. Obviously, we love him, and he loves us both.

I decided to talk to June first and see if she’d be willing to try both of us being with him. No jealousy, no secrets, and no lies. I said that if she and I remained platonic it would be ok. If she chose more, that would be ok too. She agreed. I proceeded to have the conversation with Ben and he was blown away. Mind you, he is 13 yrs older then me, as is she. But they are both wonderful and I look forward to getting to know her.

Ben said he would love nothing more then to have both his girls, without hiding and lying. Such a relief in its own. So we are gonna give this a try. We will all sit down together and discuss.

I’ve always imagined myself being with both a woman and a man. I’m truly happy.

Well, that sounds like a plan. What happens if there is jealousy though? You can't just decree "no jealousy," and have it not happen. I am glad you are so open-minded and I hope it works out. But what do you mean to accomplish by having sex in a threesome? Is June bisexual? I assume you are. What if she gets upset at seeing Ben making love to another woman? That could cause trouble between the 2 of them.

I am just playing devil's advocate. Threesomes can seem exciting as fantasy but they are extremely delicate situations. Sometimes the first time or two goes OK and then uneasiness and fear do set in.

Maybe, instead of having sex with June right away, or being in a sexual situation where both of you are doing Ben, you mean you just want to spend some time getting to know her better as a platonic friend. This is known as "kitchen table" polyamory. Instead of just jumping into a triad, where June and Ben would both be both your lover and metamour, this might be a sensible step. Establish some trust before jumping in head first (heh). You and June might like each other, as friends. You might find yourselves attracted to each other. Or, you may find you don't like her after all, or vice versa, or find each other boring, or irritating, and don't really want to hang out after all, much less have sex.

 

[Nessa]

Hi, Nessa. I am going to add nicknames to your partner, ex and metamour for clarity for your readers.











Well, that sounds like a plan. What happens if there is jealousy though? You can't just decree "no jealousy," and have it not happen. I am glad you are so open-minded and I hope it works out. But what do you mean to accomplish by having sex in a threesome? Is June bisexual? I assume you are. What if she gets upset at seeing Ben making love to another woman? That could cause trouble between the 2 of them.

I am just playing devil's advocate. Threesomes can seem exciting as fantasy but they are extremely delicate situations. Sometimes the first time or two goes OK and then uneasiness and fear do set in.

Maybe, instead of having sex with June right away, or being in a sexual situation where both of you are doing Ben, you mean you just want to spend some time getting to know her better as a platonic friend. This is known as "kitchen table" polyamory. Instead of just jumping into a triad, where June and Ben would both be both your lover and metamour, this might be a sensible step. Establishm some trust before jumping in head first (heh). You and June might like each other, as friends. You might find yourselves attracted to each other. Or, you may find you don't like her after all, or vice versa, or find each other boring, or irritating, and don't really want to hang out after all, much less have sex.

Magdlyn,
Thanks for the reply. I understand jealousy may arise, I just hope when it does communication is top priority. A threesome was something Ben and I had spoken about in the past. But it is not something that needs to be a regular thing but if it happens I’m ok with it. I’m not looking to accomplish anything with a threesome. I just know that I am a very sexual person and open to it. But I’m also a a very emotional person.

June and I get along well, she is not bisexual that I know of that is why I told her that remaining platonic is completely ok. I in no way want her to feel as it is a necessity. I have always been attracted to women. But I love my men as well. I’ve been in a threesome once when I was 23. But it was just sex. I have never been in a relationship with a women. One thing June and I told Ben is that if we decided to give this a go after the past 2 yrs. That this will be a closed relationship between us 3. Only difference now is that it’s no longer a secret and we aren’t sitting back wondering who he is with. Quite a relief on all 3 of us. We will get to know each other with out Ben around, and he is ok with that.

Ben and June have an issue they need to learn to handle better. An issue that I’m well aware of. June slept with bens friend a year and a half ago after she showed up drunk at bens and I was there. This was July of 21. This ended in a fight between June and I. I didn’t realize it was June til a couple months ago and I apologized. It is a problem I think he, more so has an issue handling. We will work on that together and separate as well.

I know this will be a change but sometimes change is good. I know we make him happy in our own ways and he does the same for us both.

We will address issues if and when they arise.