I am very new to this. Actually we are just getting started and I really don't know where to start. The first thing is, we need to make sure we find someone that will keep it between us.
Are you a man who is married to a woman and this woman, your wife, wants a boyfriend? Then it's not a "we" thing. It is up to her to find a man to date. You're not trying to be her "wing man," I hope.
I understand if you live in a conservative area, or stand to lose your jobs or children if word gets out your wife has a husband and boyfriend, you will not want to "come out" as polyamorous.
Do you want to date someone too? Or are you going to remain monogamous while your wife seeks a partner (or partners)?
Are you imagining, on the other hand, that you will both date as a unit and attempt to "share" a male (if you're bi) or female (if she's bi) partner? Be forewarned that a triad (where all 3 people are sharing sex with each other) is the most difficult, least successful way to date, in the long term. These 3-sided relationships hardly ever last more than a few months, at most.
Secondly, it needs to be someone who will be patient with my wife.
Is your wife using a dating app? If so, it is she who will need to be patient, not the men. She will get hit on by lots of guys who will want nothing but sex, and hopefully on the first date. She will have to wade through a lot of chaff to get to the wheat.
For general advice about practicing ethical non-monogamy, please get the book Opening Up. It covers all the bases, all the mistakes, all the misperceptions about what polyamory is.
