Newbie from Cali

StarNyte

New member
Hi everyone,

I'm glad I stumbled upon this little site. A little about me, I'm 33 and my husband is 31 we're both born in raised in California. We've been married going on 6 years this year, two beautiful children, and taking life one day at time. We're just now stepping or more like diving into the poly scene. My husband’s been poly most of his life just never had an opportunity to act on it before in his past, while I'm extremely new to the concept. Kind of goes hand in hand with being raised in a traditional setting where anything but monogamy is considered a sin and disrespectful to your spouse. Although we've always talked about opening our relationship to another person that just hasn't happened just yet.

Recently we have found ourselves in a situation that may or may not be heading in that direction. It's really too early to tell. I have to admit that with the level of communication my spouse and I have, definitely helps put any anxiety and jealousy at bay. Not to mention my internal struggle of being so incredibly happy watching him go through the exciting process of meeting someone new.Watching the excitement of him discovering just how much they have in common. Then there's also fact that overall he is the love of my life, and the person I choose to spend the rest of my life. Also then there's the other internal struggle of not really knowing just where my place in this dynamic should be. Part of me is unsure if I should continue to try and build a deeper connection other than a friendship with her or sit back and just let them move forward. I know in the long run he's deeply in love with me and I will always be his little piece of home sweet home. However at the same time if they really do start develop feelings for one another and the connection between her and I just isn't there, then I still don't think I would want to be the one to stand in the way of their happiness.

I look forward to hearing any advice people are willing to offer and tips on how to navigate this crazy new level that society and family have ingrained as being something so negative. When really it seems more empowering and rewarding than the later. Also I would love to hear some comments from poly couples or individuals that also have children in the mix. How open are closed are you when it comes little hands in mind.
 
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Welcome, StarNyte!

My spouse and I were in a similar spot to you and your spouse until last spring. We were theoretically polyamorous for years before either of us actually went on a date with someone else.

There are so much wisdom in the archives of this board. I highly recommend browsing through some of the old posts as you have the time and energy to do so.
 
Hey Alluvion,

Thank you for the heads up. When I get a chance to get lost in the site i’ll be sure to do that. I’m so glad it sounds like the two of you are enjoying poly life while still maintaining a healthy marriage. Take care and have a Happy Easter 🐰.
 
Greetings StarNyte,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are just getting used to a new poly situation, including taking on a new perspective from that of the mononormative society that surrounds us. You should take things one small step at a time, don't rush anything, continue with your good level of communication that has served you so well so far. As for whether you yourself get involved with her, that is totally up to you, some people do, some people don't. As for your kids, I tend to advise being open to them or at least leaning that way, some people wait until they get to a certain age. In general, spend some time reading and posting here and there on this forum, ask questions and get feedback from a variety of people. There is a lot you can learn here.

Good luck and welcome to the site!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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