No convidence

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Bimale9006

New member
I am a bit shy when approaching people for romantic or sexual relationships. Alot of people tell me to just "be" or to fake it. That is not easy for me to do. Which of course makes being monogamous difficult. Much less being poly. Any advice other than talking to myself in the mirror would be welcome. Thanks.
 
Hello Bimale9006,

As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. Go on out there into the social world, and get some practice. It should get easier a little at a time.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello Bimale9006,

As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. Go on out there into the social world, and get some practice. It should get easier a little at a time.
Click to expand...

When I was in college, I had an older married male friend who was quite the "ladies man". We were out drinking one time and he told me start out with someone who maybe isn't as attractive as you were hoping for, but start up chatting with them and work your way up. Sorry everyone if that sounds sexist. But if you aren't that attracted to them, then the stakes are lower and you don't feel you have as much to lose. Therefore you feel more relaxed.

The really cool thing is, someone who may not be that attractive to look at, may have spent more of their time an energy developing other attributes that are very attractive, i.e. humor, intelligence, interesting experiences etc.

And develop those attributes in yourself. Looks are not earned and only get you so far.

Like KDT said, practice, practice practice.
 
I find it really difficult to even approach people in real life. I know that you guys will see my other post in the dating/relationship area. And it is extremely hard for me to even muster my courage to talk to someone. Regardless if they are actually the person I want or someone that I don't. Especially in a romantic way. On top of that, I am completely unaware if someone is actually into me or just trying to mess with me or make their mono-partner jealous. I really have no confidence what so ever. The best I have at the moment is to get a couple of beers into me. But then I am not in the best state of mind to be responsible.

Thank you for the replies so far though.
 
Acquire a suitable prop, such as a child or dog, and take them to the park. Let them break the ice. The parents of said child or dog will be grateful for the break.
 
Hi Bimale9006,

I looked at your Dating/Friendships post and it looks fine. Polyamory.com doesn't offer a lot in the way of online dating possibilities, OKCupid is better suited for that job.

I am sorry about your struggles in social interactions. Unfortunately socialization is always a gamble, you never know what the other person or their partner/s are going to be like. You will probably experience some bumps and bruises along the way. I don't know any way to get around that.

I don't personally see a problem with having a few beers, as long as you don't overdo it. We all need a boost to help us get started, just don't use the crutches forever.

Take heart, you can do it.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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