Not sure how to feel about this

Unless I get a message telling me exactly who someone is, I don't accept blind friend requests on FetLife. So, for me anyway, I would need a message saying, hey this is so and so from the poly boards - can I add you as a friend? BEFORE the request was sent. Otherwise, I'd be like, "oh, it's just a random person. Delete." I think it's just good etiquette to introduce yourself first. :)
 
You don't have to build up your profile to send friend requests to people you "know", whether it's real-life know or people from this forum or other online places. You just have to have a profile. But as Bluebird said, it's a really, really good idea to message people first and tell them who you are and where you know them from, especially if, as in my case, your Fet name isn't the same as your name on this forum. Another member here recently suggested I join a group she belongs to on Fet, and told me to check her profile to find the link to the group, but even then I messaged her on Fet and asked if I could friend her on there rather than just sending a friend request.

There's nothing wrong with sending a quick message saying 'Hi, it's drgnfly from Polyamory.com, is it cool if I friend you here?", but if you just send an unexpected friend request, it might get ignored. Also, though I'm not sure that it's true for anyone on this forum, some people on Fet have requirements that any friend requests and/or messages go through their Dom, owner, partner, whatever, and it's a good idea to make sure of that kind of protocol.

That said, you (and anyone else reading this) is welcome to friend me on Fet: KCWinter. Just message me along with the request so I know who you are.
 
Yes I think it will be good idea to ask before friend requesting, especially since my User name is different as well. The requirement a request goes through their master, dom, ect is something i think would be stated in a person's profile, I will definitely have to check this protocol.
I will look for you next time i am on, my name on Fet is tyingturtle.
I welcome anyone on this sight friending me there as well.
 
People are welcome to friend request me on Fet also, but like everyone says, it's good to message first. I have the same name on Fet as on here. I'm fairly lazy with most online sites, so if you want to be my friend on fet, you should probably seek me out, because I more than likely won't seek you out. Hell, I just barely put any words on my Fet profile and I've been on there for 6 years, though some of that time was more active than other times.
 
drgnfly said:
....i brought up the idea of exploring into bdsm together. I do have interests there as well.....
We both agree that we would need more of a proper introduction into the scene, if such a thing exists.
Click to expand...


I dunno if you need to get involved in any scene to enjoy and explore BDSM with your GF. Before all else, kink should be a natural part of your relationship and feel right for the two of you, separate from what is happening in a community. Of course, a good kink education helps you both, but keep in mind that kink should reflect what you naturally feel about each other, not be something you perform. Kink can be explored privately or publicly, but it should always feel authentic to who you are and to the relationship and so no "scene" involvement is required. You and your GF can explore kinky things like light bondage and blindfolds without either of you taking on role of Dom or Sub that you might not be ready for. You don't have to "dom" her and in fact, I'd say that you're nowhere near experienced enough to do this yet, but you can give her a great kink experience with restraints and varied sensation play. I'd start by learning more about how to do this kind of "light kink" safely and see how that goes. You may very well develop into a great Dom to her Sub, but for now, just weave a little mutually enjoyed kink into your time together.


When you're ready to go deeper, An Introduction to BDSM from a Dom's point of view is a very thoughtful, educated and respectful page to read about the responsibilities of being the male dominant in a kink relationship. Note, one of the first points: It's All About Her Every good Dom knows this and shows this first and foremost, IMNSHO. Very meaty and helpful webpage there.
 
Last edited:
FallenAngelina said:
I dunno if you need to get involved in any scene to enjoy and explore BDSM with your GF. Before all else, kink should be a natural part of your relationship and feel right for the two of you, separate from what is happening in a community. Of course, a good kink education helps you both
no "scene" involvement is required. You and your GF can explore kinky things like light bondage and blindfolds without either of you taking on role of Dom or Sub that you might not be ready for. You don't have to "dom" her and in fact, I'd say that you're nowhere near experienced enough to do this yet, but you can give her a great kink experience with restraints and varied sensation play.
Click to expand...

I have been reading up when possible, Even if my adventure's into kink do not become extensive, education never goes to waste. I am not sure what role i will fit in, or what play I would do outside my already formed relationship's. My FWB's interest gives me an opportunity to try something new I would not have tried otherwise.

I do agree I am not on any level to properly Dom. I am certainly not ready to try. I recently tried some light knot play on my S/O and was pleased with the results. I do think I want to use the rope when I meet up with my FWB.

I do wonder where the world of bdsm begins and what is called normal end's. As an example, I never considered myself especially kinky. I do have the generic fuzzy handcuff's starter kit and also soft restraint rope. I've had silk ribbon restraint's, played with feather whips, and have always enjoyed sensual play. My S/O and I was introduced to to play with a 9 tail style whip by our ex GF. A different FWB is also mutually my "pet" and has matching collars with my S/O. I do not do see any of the above as fetishy. The average church going fellow would probably disagree.
Ok, in retrospect, perhaps having your friend on a choke leash may be a little abnormal.
 
Last edited:
Re:
"Okay, in retrospect, perhaps having your friend on a choke leash may be a little abnormal."
Click to expand...

:D
 
drgnfly said:
....perhaps having your friend on a choke leash may be a little abnormal.
Click to expand...

Doesn't matter what's normal, but what you both enjoy. I wasn't the least bit kinky until I met my BF a few months ago and suddenly I understand how incredibly erotic, romantic, exciting and secure a monogamish d/s relationship can be. Neither of us was looking for a slot to fill or a role in the other, we just follow where the relationship seems to want to go. He does have much more kink experience than I, but he is interested in me and I in him and together we are discovering the unique joys of what we are together. We are creating a dynamic that works for us, not what we see other people doing, necessarily. Even within the kink "community" there is an enormous spectrum of desires and aversions. Nobody seems to be kinky in exactly the same way.

It doesn't matter what the church people do or what your mother thinks or what anyone's perception of normal is. What matters is that you and your partners find interest and fulfillment in your time together. Create the relationships of your dreams and watch the opinions of the world just fall away.
 
Last edited:
This does seem very quick to me. When I gave myself to my Dom, it was because of a deep connection. I must know them more, even if it's just sex. Meeting at a Motel without really knowing him is risky. Fun is great, but safety has to factor in.
 
True, But VioletLight reinforces my feeling's that their arrangement was not normal.
Plus, this thread did go off topic.
I appreciate everyone who has responded so far, thank you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top