...this is a whine, a vent, or a request for advice. Probably some combination of the three.
My marriage is probably the best it's been in a long time. Hubby's been putting in the work he wasn't putting in for a while, and I'm trying to be more compassionate and understanding when he isn't emotionally or physically available to me. I'm also taking stock of all the awesome things he does, which helps me see things positively.
My relationship with Woody is going really well. Even though officially I only get Tuesday nights and the first Thursday of every month with him, since he currently only ("only") has two other partners and one of them is long-distance, while the other one is mega-busy, I've been getting most Saturday nights with him as well. I talked with him a few weeks ago about feeling like sex had become by-the-numbers and feeling like the D/s part of our relationship had stopped being a thing, and those issues are no longer issues.
But...
Woody does have two other partners. And he seems to keep finding more, or at least more potentials. He went out on a date on Wednesday night. (He says it "wasn't anything to write home about", just nice and friendly.) He tells me fairly regularly about other women he's talking to on Fet and OKC.
Meanwhile, I get virtually no messages on either site, nor do I usually get replies when I send messages. I've had message-versations with four or five guys in the past month, including two I met in person at Woody's monthly karaoke event...but those have all turned into me being ghosted. Which I realize is not uncommon with dating sites, but I'm batting 0 here...
I don't know that I want another actual relationship, but I do kinda want someone to spend time with when Woody isn't available (which is the majority of the time) and Hubby isn't interested in spending time with me (which is ALL the time). Maybe another boyfriend. Maybe an FWB. But someone I can hang out with and have fun with and have rambling conversations with.
(This might belong in General Poly rather than here; I've no problem with it being moved if that's the case.)
So that's the whiny-vent part. I guess the advice part is... how do people actually meet people on those sites? How do you start a messaging conversation that won't result in the other person bailing just when the conversation seems to be going well?
It isn't as if I've never done this before. I met Woody on OKC, after I sent him a message to which he responded three days later (after I'd forgotten messaging him; it was in the flurry of "fuck this, I deserve someone good, dammit" after two months of wallowing in the wake of my ex-boyfriend dumping me). I met Hubby and my two ex-boyfriends on AFF, though only the more recent ex resulted from a messaging conversation, which he initiated. (I met Hubby and the other ex at "meet and greet" events.)
Woody "helped" me rewrite my profiles on Fet and OKC a couple of months ago; I put "helped" in quotes because I'm not sure the changes were at all helpful. He told me to change them because I said I wasn't getting any messages or responses, but that's still the case.
So ugh.
My marriage is probably the best it's been in a long time. Hubby's been putting in the work he wasn't putting in for a while, and I'm trying to be more compassionate and understanding when he isn't emotionally or physically available to me. I'm also taking stock of all the awesome things he does, which helps me see things positively.
My relationship with Woody is going really well. Even though officially I only get Tuesday nights and the first Thursday of every month with him, since he currently only ("only") has two other partners and one of them is long-distance, while the other one is mega-busy, I've been getting most Saturday nights with him as well. I talked with him a few weeks ago about feeling like sex had become by-the-numbers and feeling like the D/s part of our relationship had stopped being a thing, and those issues are no longer issues.
But...
Woody does have two other partners. And he seems to keep finding more, or at least more potentials. He went out on a date on Wednesday night. (He says it "wasn't anything to write home about", just nice and friendly.) He tells me fairly regularly about other women he's talking to on Fet and OKC.
Meanwhile, I get virtually no messages on either site, nor do I usually get replies when I send messages. I've had message-versations with four or five guys in the past month, including two I met in person at Woody's monthly karaoke event...but those have all turned into me being ghosted. Which I realize is not uncommon with dating sites, but I'm batting 0 here...
I don't know that I want another actual relationship, but I do kinda want someone to spend time with when Woody isn't available (which is the majority of the time) and Hubby isn't interested in spending time with me (which is ALL the time). Maybe another boyfriend. Maybe an FWB. But someone I can hang out with and have fun with and have rambling conversations with.
(This might belong in General Poly rather than here; I've no problem with it being moved if that's the case.)
So that's the whiny-vent part. I guess the advice part is... how do people actually meet people on those sites? How do you start a messaging conversation that won't result in the other person bailing just when the conversation seems to be going well?
It isn't as if I've never done this before. I met Woody on OKC, after I sent him a message to which he responded three days later (after I'd forgotten messaging him; it was in the flurry of "fuck this, I deserve someone good, dammit" after two months of wallowing in the wake of my ex-boyfriend dumping me). I met Hubby and my two ex-boyfriends on AFF, though only the more recent ex resulted from a messaging conversation, which he initiated. (I met Hubby and the other ex at "meet and greet" events.)
Woody "helped" me rewrite my profiles on Fet and OKC a couple of months ago; I put "helped" in quotes because I'm not sure the changes were at all helpful. He told me to change them because I said I wasn't getting any messages or responses, but that's still the case.
So ugh.