Nre

K

Knickers

New member
Hi everyone,

My husband and I opened up our relationship in January so still very new to all of this. I started dating another man about 3 months ago now and the NRE still isn't wearing off and its starting to wear on me! I thought I would like all the excitement and everything but I'm thinking about my boyfriend 24/7 with butterflies in my tummy and at the same time trying to focus on making sure my attention is on my husband so he continues to feels secure. He is also dating other people. So, I guess my question is how long is this supposed to last???

My other question is in regards to NRE/lust vs actual love. I feel like I'm in love with my boyfriend but maybe this is just NRE? I find it fascinating that I can't tell and that I feel like I can't trust my emotions. The sex its HOT and we seem to connect in every other way too. If I was monogamous, by now I'm sure I would have believed I was in love and probably told him so. I don't know why being polyamorous is making me doubt my feelings but it definitely is! Any thoughts?

Thanks!
 
How long does it last? Hopefully forever.... studies I have read state 12-18 months.

I have been with Steel for 17 years, and STILL have NRE with him sometimes... If we are planning a fun date, or a sexy evening, sometimes just seeing him be the great Dad that he is makes me feel all butterflies and rainbows.

I have been with Sarge for almost 8 months this time, and DEFINITELY still have it. I cannot keep my hands off that man when I am around him.

As time passes, it becomes clear if you are together because you choose to spend time with each other, not due to rose-tinted glasses. When something "real" happens, a trauma, or a life crisis, it becomes evident if you are truly in love, or just feeling the NRE hormones.

Don't feel guilty- just communicate with your husband- make sure he is not feeling neglected. Steel and I are very good at honest talk, so he would
(and has) told me if he felt that he was getting less than he wanted from me.

ENJOY the feeling- new love is new hope!
 
NRE could be anywhere from 6 - 24 mos from what I've read. Every person is different.

It's brain chemistry dump.

http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

http://www.brainhq.com/brain-resources/brain-facts-myths/brain-in-love

http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/romantic-love/relationship-stages

You could google others. They don't have to be poly specific articles -- brain is brain, brain dump is brain dump.

And enjoy the ride. All that "whee!" is tiring, but it can also be kinda fun.

Just don't be making major life changing decisions while on brain drugs. (NRE)

  • Buy BF flowers and bake him cookies? Sure!
  • Move in with your BF and give him access to your checking account? No!

YKWIM? Try to keep a balance there amid all the fluffy pink clouds. If you feel run down, remember to schedule in rest days for just you WITHOUT either of your guys. Self care is not optional. It is necessary.

In fact, schedule your time alone to rest FIRST. So your tank is full. Then dates with you partners. You can't be enjoying time with others if you are running yourself ragged and trying to run from an empty gas tank. Guard against burn out.

GL!
Galagirl
 
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Hi Knickers,

How long does NRE last? I've heard estimates of 2-24 months; I've even heard estimates of 3-36 months. So first of all it varies a lot, second of all opinions vary.

Whether you really love your boyfriend is probably something you figure out with the passing of time, not so much with the presence/absence of NRE. You've been seeing him for three months but it might take twelve to realize that you love him.

I don't have much in the way of advice, but maybe my observations are of help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and the links! I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I don't want the feeling to go away completely, maybe just a bit!
 
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