Oklahoma single woman novice

Oklahoma7Artist

Oklahoma7Artist

New member
:eek: Hello all, I'm a single woman and looking for something different. I was watching a show on tv about a woman that has two boyfriends and other couples and they all want each other to be happy. No jealousy, no drama, it seemed appealing.
I'm a novice and open minded. Something about the couples I saw and the caring involved intrigued me.
Something brought me to do a search and here I am.
Do not know if I'm in the right place. Any advice would be wonderful thanks.:p
 
Wrong place

Oklahoma7Artist said:
:eek: Hello all, I'm a single woman and looking for something different. I was watching a show on tv about a woman that has two boyfriends and other couples and they all want each other to be happy. No jealousy, no drama, it seemed appealing.
I'm a novice and open minded. Something about the couples I saw and the caring involved intrigued me.
Something brought me to do a search and here I am.
Do not know if I'm in the right place. Any advice would be wonderful thanks.:p
Click to expand...

We just snipe, bitch and complain about polyester here.

Make a list of what would be a perfect relationship.
You know all the if the guy has chiseled abs and chiseled jaw, chiseled chest, do you have a suitable hammer.
Do you find some women attractive?
Just make a list
Write the list everyday fresh. Lots of it might start out physical or emotional, but keep working in the That would be ideal.
Once you get that list so you could not change a thing
Go stick it on about twenty dating sites
No sunglasses in any picture.
No huge Eiffel Tower with miniature human
People want to see your face and eyes, we want to see your body, clothed of course.
We want to know what you want.
That way we can properly prepare our own list to tell you how wrong you are.

So one woman two boyfriends was in your... What about four boyfriends and another girl or three? I mean...just asking
 
Greetings Oklahoma7Artist,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I guess I have four bits of advice. First, read all you can on this website. There's a lot to learn about polyamory here. Second, zero in on learning more and more about how to communicate productively. (You can do a tag search for "communication.") Communication is a major tool that is used in polyamory. Third, read some of the really good books on polyamory. A few suggestions:

  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
  • "More than Two: a practical guide to ethical polyamory," by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
  • "The Ethical Slut: a practical guide to polyamory, open relationships and other adventures," by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
  • "Polyamory: the new love without limits," by Deborah Anapol.
  • "The Polyamorists Next Door: inside multiple-partner relationships and families," by Elisabeth Sheff.
And fourth, post and let us know whenever a new question arises for you.

Glad to have you with us; hope you enjoy your stay!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Welcome to the lifestyle!

I discovered polyamory a few years ago, although I did not know what the correct term for it was, I didn't even know it was a "thing" All I knew was that I wasn't a swinger and I wasn't polygamous...

Go figure there is a name for a sort of in between lifestyle and that's what brought me here!
 
How to make it happen

You have to take chances, but not risks. First, I agree about the photo. That and your sweet first post might be the first step.

But assuming not, go places where there are couples, and have already written a slip of paper with your name and email, and something sweet but not overtly sexy...just add, "loved meeting you."

If you see a couple that seems loving and into each other, find a way to talk to the female (or dom if it's lesbian). Say how much you admire their loving relationship, and say how sexy she looks when she's with him, but not as a come-on. When they are back, if it's comfortable for you to join them (they'll give clear signals if they are uncomfortable), tell enough about yourself to indicate that you are bi and single. Don't make a big deal about sex. Covertly hand the slip to the woman as you leave.

This is overt enough to all concerned: you've not tried to hit on her man; you are attracted to them not as lovers, but as a loving couple. The next move, if any, is up to her.

Naturally you only do this with with couples who seem comfortable in their relationship.

Be prepared for failure. Not many couples are affectionate in public. This is a slow way. You can work out other slow ways (after a show, seek out the woman and ask if there is a nice place to go for a drink or coffee), but they all require you to put yourself out there.

Plan B. Craigslist. Yes, I know, I know. But real people post there, not just creeps. Check out this genuine account by a woman who wants to give her husband a threesome for his birthday. http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/threesome-sex-menage-a-trois-planning-2. Of course, in this case you will be the one posting.

If it happens, make it as relaxed as possible. Only afterward, if you liked it, be affectionate and loving. Most couples are afraid of all the baggage that comes with inviting another person into the relationship. Friendship is the only way to make that happen. So if you get this far, be a friend, not just a conspirator, because if you want a poly relationship, it must be among people who genuinely care for each other.
 
Thanks for your reply it was very moving and positive. I enjoyed what you had to say. I never thought of craigslist. It would seem to me that approaching a man and a woman couple would be easier than approaching a man and another man.
I'm not bi.
Be well my new friend. D:D
 
Approaching a couple

Hmm. Not bi is a bit different. Gay men would be unlikely to have a poly relationship with a woman.

Between us, I didn't think I was bi either until I had a poly experience.

My private opinion is that we are all bi...it simply is flesh.

But you may not know that until you are in the moment. I am bi, and I can tell you that while I'd never give up hetero, women are softer and kiss better. Their genitalia may not be as obvious, but they are much more diverse in details.

A couple should not be simply your interest in the guy, It should involve playing with both. Otherwise, you are limiting yourself to a very small field.

BTW thanks for the photo.

Very good wishes,

Hunter
 
Welcome! I'll add that I'm not sure if you were looking to approach a couple. I'm in a relationship with my husband and with my other significant other (OSO), both male, not involved sexually with each other. My OSO is not dating anyone currently and my husband just started dating another woman a few months ago. You may want to approach one man, make it clear that you are poly-curious right off the back, and then find another relationship with a different guy (assuming everyone's on board). You could also date a guy who's already a "couple" with a woman, but just date the guy. I've heard some positive things about OKCupid.

Good luck and keep us posted about how you're doing navigating this new relationship structure! It may take a while to find what you're looking for, but in my experience, it's worth the wait! :)
 
Approaching women smelling men

HunterByrd said:
Hmm. Not bi is a bit different. Gay men would be unlikely to have a poly relationship with a woman.

Between us, I didn't think I was bi either until I had a poly experience.

My private opinion is that we are all bi...it simply is flesh.

But you may not know that until you are in the moment. I am bi, and I

Hunter
Click to expand...

I'd take a hundred pictures. Then go find a group of people and listen to which ones they pick.

We are not very good at picking our own photos, but look right into the lens. People are going to spend 85% of the time looking at your eyes and mouth, these tell us about your personality.

All women are bi in my opinion as well, all to do with the Ewwww factor that make women shy away.

The smell of the man. Since most people use cologne, smell their head. If you don't get a visceral response to his smell move on..

And yes approach the woman. Guys are much less discerning than women. Your and her relationship is critical to making a relationship comfortable.
 
HunterByrd said:
Hmm. Not bi is a bit different. Gay men would be unlikely to have a poly relationship with a woman.

Between us, I didn't think I was bi either until I had a poly experience.

My private opinion is that we are all bi...it simply is flesh.

But you may not know that until you are in the moment. I am bi, and I can tell you that while I'd never give up hetero, women are softer and kiss better. Their genitalia may not be as obvious, but they are much more diverse in details.

A couple should not be simply your interest in the guy, It should involve playing with both. Otherwise, you are limiting yourself to a very small field.

BTW thanks for the photo.

Very good wishes,

Hunter
Click to expand...
Thank you for your reply..
Yes I know gay men wouldnt do that.
Yes we are all flesh but I have no desire to go down on a woman. I have been in that situation. The top part is fine though. I just prefer men.
Yes I agree a woman kisses better and softer.
I was more interested in exploring having a boyfriend an then bringing another man into the triangle.
The ones I have seen on tv the woman had sex with each man seperately.
but they all went on dates as a triangle and spent time together at home as a triangle.
Be Well. D
 
Staying open to adventure

Hi, D,

OK Cupid has a pretty good reputation. I haven't been there (my master researches and chooses my lovers and what we can and cannot do).

But let me throw in one more thought about your not wanting to go down on a woman. You know, you don't have to do anything you don't want. But what if you do hook up with a couple, and she wants to go down on you? Maybe while you are going down on him? Or any number of different combinations that don't require you to eat pussy?

You can personally decide you are not going to have oral sex with the woman; but I don't think you should decide hard parameters before playing (of course, everyone should at least informally set their own limits, like ours which is nothing involving pain).

For instance, you could choose a nipple and practice doing to her breast what you like done to your own. There are infinite possibilities of sweet, sexy caresses, not just pussy.

If you approach a date with a pre-set list of objections, you will miss some lovely sensual things. And what if, in the course of things, she wants to go down on you? There's not a lot of difference between m and f in terms of receiving cunnilingus; maybe even while you are going down on him. In a loving tangle of naked bodies, there's always something interesting to do.

But I think you should find yourself available to play with both members of a couple. If the spark's not there with both, maybe poly isn't right for you in that case.

One more thought. It sounds as though you are mostly interested in a male who is poly but you are not in playing with his SO. If so, that's something you should make clear in your original post: Interested in meeting and possible play with a polyamorous man, age 30-50. That means you don't want a threesome, more a hookup. Not what I would do, but I'd want to meet his SO, because a guy in a relationship is far less likely to have STD.

Also, playing with a couple is both safer and protects you from a married man who's just wants a little on the side.

Sorry if I sound preachy, but I want your first poly experience to be fun and exciting.

Fondly,

Hunter
 
Glad to hear you have some ideas about the kind of life you'd like. Sounds like you're talking about a "vee" where you are involved with two guys, but they're not involved with each other (outside of being friends). The possibilities are endless!

I also don't think there is any pressure for you to be sexual with another woman. While I'm bi myself, neither of my relationships involved being with a woman. There are plenty of upstanding single or married men out there who don't have STDs and who practice ethical polyamory.

There's some great resources to learning more about polyshipping, if you read through the threads in Poly Relationship Corner. Here's one that may help you clarify what you're looking for: http://www.kathylabriola.com/articles/models-of-open-relationships

Take care!
 
What reflections said.

Re (from HunterByrd):
"I think you should find yourself available to play with both members of a couple. If the spark's not there with both, maybe poly isn't right for you in that case."
Click to expand...

Sure, maybe, maybe not, but I don't think bisexuality is an intrinsic or a necessary part of polyamory. I'm in a vee where all three people are quite heterosexual, and yet if our vee isn't polyamorous, I don't know what it is. And if it's not right for us, how have we managed to stick together since 2006 and be happy together for most of that time?

Re:
"It sounds as though you are mostly interested in a male who is poly but you are not in playing with his SO. If so, that's something you should make clear in your original post:"
Click to expand...

It's too late to do that; the site software only gives us 12 hours to edit our published posts. Of course one can appeal to the mods and ask them to change something, but I doubt they'd think a change was needed in this case. An intro post is not a dating ad; you don't have to clarify what you're looking for. Just tell a little about yourself.

Re:
"That means you don't want a threesome, more a hookup."
Click to expand...

Well poly isn't necessarily about threesomes or hookups. It's more about romance and falling in love.
 
One cheese cake ain't all the cheese cake

Oklahoma7Artist said:
Yes we are all flesh but I have no desire to go down on a woman. I have been in that situation. The top part is fine though. I just prefer men.
Yes I agree a woman kisses better and softer.

Be Well. D
Click to expand...

I had a girlfriend who loved men. Well certain parts of men, shall we say.

Had tried a woman or two and just claimed, "I'm not bi"
Then one of my gfs and she sort of ended up in bed withme and whoops
Well I'm not really bi but...

The article I mentioned was about Tinder and guys are like yes to 80% and women were 14%, but the visual clues in a photo are quite interesting.

Tinder apparently only shows you folks nearby.
Sounds interesting.

Plenty of fish does have a ton of fish
All the match you on compatibility blah blah has never held up in any study I've heard of.
 
I've heard a few shaky things about POF -- just sayin'
 
Ophra

kdt26417 said:
I've heard a few shaky things about POF -- just sayin'
Click to expand...

Come on,NYU can't throw out a teaser like that. We want the National Enquirer/Sun whatever trashy tabloid that has aliens and Elvis spot things

We need the dirt?

They seem quite above board.
 
MoostacheKitteh said:
Welcome to the lifestyle!

I discovered polyamory a few years ago, although I did not know what the correct term for it was, I didn't even know it was a "thing" All I knew was that I wasn't a swinger and I wasn't polygamous...

Go figure there is a name for a sort of in between lifestyle and that's what brought me here!
Click to expand...

I was exactly the same!!! I was a terrible swinger because I kept developing feelings for my extra partners!! :) Thankfully Lovey has been so understanding and is willing to open this chapter.
 
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