Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

Thanks everyone who has replied so far!

Emm, I added that part recently and it has reduced those types of responses since. I didn't think about guys who might respond that way just because I said it! People need to get more things to do in life if they are replying for that reason! Actually, I guess I should be glad they let me know they are losers rigt away. :/ but yeah, I did just add it.

I also just added the part about being on a diet - your explanation makes sense so I think I will cut that out. I can tell that if I make plans to go out, when we meet. It's not like they will look at my photo and think I need to lose tons of weight anyway.

I had my first cheater last night! Guy sounded awesome, but when I checked his questions, he said he was against open relationships. When questioned, he said he and his wife had tried poly, but she was too fragile to handle it, so he was being poly by himself while she stayed mono. Then I saw his profile said single and made no mention of a wife. I called him out on that and he told me he had to do what he needed to do. I told him that wasn't poly and I wasn't interested in helping him cheat. Ugh.

That said, I had one poly guy message me yesterday, though I'm not getting a good feel on him. There's another poly guy that visited me but didn't message and I like his profile lots. I'm discouraged he didn't message. I think I will send my first initial contact message to him today. :)
 
There's another poly guy that visited me but didn't message and I like his profile lots. I'm discouraged he didn't message. I think I will send my first initial contact message to him today. :)

Sometimes I prefer when they look but do not message right away. Might mean they are taking their time to really read and digest my profile, and make a few intelligent comments, or funny ones, or charming ones.

Sometimes when I am actually looking at okc, and a popup tells me someone is looking at me, and then I get a message a minute later, it's a guarantee he just looked at my pix. :mad:
 
Hookers work too. You can pay them to love you without any commitment. :D



I think that should be "pay them to commit to you without any love". For however long it takes or until your money runs out.
 
Wow, between this thread and the one I started the other day, I'm inspired to write a piece about using OKCupid and polyamory! :)
 
No problem re "dickishness" You are allowed an opinion.

I understand your point, but courtesy is courtesy. Online or offline. A template "thank you no thank you" is better than silence and is just good manners. Its how I operate in the business world and with the websites I manage; this should be no different. And when we start talking about being efficient in the context of human relationships, we start treating people as objects, a nuisance and not a person.

New to this thread, so I am behind....

Of course , I don't know your approach when introducing yourself, but as a woman who wrote at the bottom do her OKCupid profile:

You should message me if
You want to interact online with someone who enjoys exchanging ideas without any preconceived notions of hooking up - I love intelligent conversation!

And the first email is about hooking up. Or the conversation starts out with: how r u? I feel like the person really hasn't taken the time to read my profile. I just received one whose opening gambit is that he'd like to build a long-term relationship with me. He doesn't know me for fuck's sake! It is creepy.

I do try to respond, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to deal with it.
 
Here are the deal killers for me:
  • If she doesn't have a job, we probably will not have much in common.

    It's bizarre to feel that you have something in commoon with someone simply because they are empolyed. If you think people without jobs are lazy cunts, just say it, don't cover it up with silly lies that don't make sense.
  • If she doesn't have a car, we probably do not have the same values. No I don't want to hear your sob story. You either have an emergency fund, or you don't.

    How bizarre to consider a car owner as someone with values. I think most of the world are kind of frowning on car owners at the moment. Luckily, I live in a city where the Government cares enough about us to have decent enough public transport for the people who do own cars not to need to drive. What if her sob story was epilepsy and iot would be unsafe to drive?Or don't you date people with long term health problems?
  • If she's dating but her divorce is not final. You would not believe how common this is! It screams "desperate" and poor judgement!
    I don't get why people care about this. The main reason people stall divorces nowadays is because of financial reasons. As long as it isn't a war zone, I really don't care.

As a guy I get very few messages. It's extremely slow from Sep to December, the holiday season. But seems to really pick up from Feb to April or May. It's like in Feb-May people get cabin fever and just want to get out.

I'd hazard a guess that you get very few messages because you don't seem to be a very nice person and your profile gives that away. Both my partners get very slightly less messages than I do and actually, they get a better quality of messages than I do. I don't reply to people I am uninterested in simply because I have no obligation to do so and I don't want to interact with people who I am incompatible with. That is not what I am on Okcupid for.
 
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Okc

I have a profile set up on OKC and have started some really wonderful conversations with others. I have found a few Poly people on the site that are very willing to discuss Poly and see where things go. I have made a new connection to a person that I am interested in meeting. The big issue I find with this site is that it does have those type of people out there that are looking to use you as research for a study..lol! Overall I would say it has been positive for me!
 
Well for me, poly dating seems to be easier if your a girl in my experience. For some reason if you tell someone you're poly and you're a guy they automatically think you're full of it. But if a woman says it, people seem to be more willing to consider that you're telling the truth. Anyway, we met our potential partner on craigslist of all places. Before that we tried plenty of fish and managed to find no one for months. Then my boyfriend convinced me to try craigslist and voila! Within 2 days we found a good guy who matched what we wanted. :)

So my advice is to not give up, keep looking, and try different avenues that you would otherwise not try. Just because, you never know what you will find.
Yes, in our experience, dating on OKCupid is much easier for a woman.

My experience there has been mixed. Lately it has been quite frustrating because I am very clear in my profile but have met several women who didn't read the profile and then are shocked, shocked! that I am in an open/poly relationship.

But I've also met some very nice women there.

Regarding whether women should or shouldn't answer every message, jeez, the reality is that most don't. So, as frustrating as that might be, it seems a waste of time to worry about it. It's simply a reality of the medium. Yes, I do appreciate even a "thanks but no thanks" reply . But I don't expect it.
 
Personally I'm about to drop the OKC account.

From what I've been told and shown, the site is so flooded with douchebags and creepers that its really not worth my time to try and swim in a pool that polluted. I didn't think it was that bad until a friend of mine showed me her daily inbox count, and some of the more "interesting" messages. Why be tarred with that brush right?

I think I'm going to stick to meeting women in public, start things off old school and retro . . . . ya know . . . with introducing myself and conversation, seemed to work great for everyones grandparents back in the day.

Aside from using it to keep in touch with a few friends that I bumped into on there, I'm not getting any worthwhile contact off the site.
*Well, unless you count an accumulated number of "first and ONLY" date horror stories I've accumulated.
 
I met N on MySpace. he met J on meetme and that's where he's met the majority of his ladies. I have not had any success on.dating sites really. Not that many people want to.date a married lady. Even the unicorn hunters want a single bi woman.
 
I had a date Friday night and it went really well, and we are going to see each other again tomorrow. I have another poly guy luncheon scheduled for Friday, and I have high hopes for him too.the one dude I initiated a message to myself never wrote back, but that's cool.

I may have complained too early. Lol but The signal to noise ratio on OkCupid has not really improved a lot. I am averaging about 10 terrible messages a day now, which is better, but still gross. I am sure younger, hotter chicks receive many more, and I feel really bad for them.
 
I started out on OKC saying nothing negative, after a week there was one rule, after about six I had several. I just couldn't handle the sheer wealth of idiotic one liners, cheaters and people who thought Poly = easy sex.

Very discouraging :( I deleted my profile but so many other people say they have had good experiences so I guess I was just unlucky.
 
I had my first cheater last night! Guy sounded awesome, but when I checked his questions, he said he was against open relationships. When questioned, he said he and his wife had tried poly, but she was too fragile to handle it, so he was being poly by himself while she stayed mono. Then I saw his profile said single and made no mention of a wife. I called him out on that and he told me he had to do what he needed to do. I told him that wasn't poly and I wasn't interested in helping him cheat. Ugh.


That's dreadful :(

I once had a woman call me because she found my number in her partners phone...said guy was on a dating site trying to get me to go out with him...wanker!
 
I started out on OKC saying nothing negative, after a week there was one rule, after about six I had several. I just couldn't handle the sheer wealth of idiotic one liners, cheaters and people who thought Poly = easy sex.

Very discouraging :( I deleted my profile but so many other people say they have had good experiences so I guess I was just unlucky.

Most guys I know wouldn't even message someone who had "rules" on their profile.
 
Most guys I know wouldn't even message someone who had "rules" on their profile.

Most decent guys I know wouldn't send the massive crap I received on a daily basis...my 'rules' such as 'Please don't message me just to tell me I have 'nice tits' I know this already' were not for them.
 
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Most decent guys I know wouldn't sent the massive crap I received on a daily basis...my 'rules' such as 'Please don't message me just to tell me I have 'nice tits' I know this already' were not for them.

You realise that it was you who called them rules to begin with, right? Anyway, I'm just going by common male responses in threads about the things guys see as red flags on profiles. That is something they commonly say. It just spells a prissy, high maintenance, entitled type. That's the aura some people want to give off though.
 
You realise that it was you who called them rules to begin with, right? Anyway, I'm just going by common male responses in threads about the things guys see as red flags on profiles. That is something they commonly say. It just spells a prissy, high maintenance, entitled type. That's the aura some people want to give off though.

I called them 'rules' for the benefit of this thread to communicate that I grew increasingly frustrated with the nonsense I received, like messages such as 'Lol' and 'wanna f**k?' and other indications that the moron never read my profile but just looked at the picture. I never called them rules in my profile and if this very basic things seems high maintenance than they are probably not right for me no.
 
I called them 'rules' for the benefit of this thread to communicate that I grew increasingly frustrated with the nonsense I received, like messages such as 'Lol' and 'wanna f**k?' and other indications that the moron never read my profile but just looked at the picture. I never called them rules in my profile and if this very basic things seems high maintenance than they are probably not right for me no.

I think they work with the premise that someone who doesn't feel they are entitled to messages from hotties will just ignore messages from those who they find incompatible. Regardless of why they are incompatible.
 
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