Open vs Poly

B

BirdsNest

New member
Hiya all!

First post... trying not to lumber my poly-friends with talking about this.

The short of it is:

Met a great guy, he's new to the idea of poly and figuring out what he wants. He talks a lot of pushing boundaries and wanting to see what is possible. Fairly recently (eg. 8/9 months) out of a serious long term relationship, which ended as he wanted to explore new kinds of relationships.

Me? I've been into the non-monogamy thing for just over 3 years. Its been a mixed experience if I am honest. I'm into open but not full on poly. Casual sex and flings with other people? While an emotional challenge its one I can deal with.

I have mental health issues as a consequence of dodgy parenting, and a troubled childhood that overspilled into my early twenties and only started to settle in my mid-twenties...then I started to address the underlying issues... that was until I was 26/27 some other curveball bad life things happened and really threw me sideways.

Now, almost 30, I am ready to deal with the underlying causes of the mental health issues and I do feel that having a stable and committed loving relationship will be a really important part of that healing process. Up for casual sex and flings outside- I crave variety and sometimes sex is just sex.


...so the problem is that we appear to have conflicting desires in this regard.

We are both sad and worried by this, we love each other and want to make it work if we can. I feel insecure in this knowing that he wants to explore things much further than I am comfortable with.

At one point he said that he was't in a hurry to do this exploring of boundaries into poly, and we thought "Are we wondering about a future problem?" but more recently he went back on this a little, pointing out that he felt restricted on a date he went on recently. I suggested perhaps he wants to be single and date around, figure out what he wants and he said that this misses the point of building a deeper relationship with someone. A deep and meaningful connection is something that we both want and feel we both have with one another.

So I am not sure what to do, have we reached an impasse?

I can't help but think he's under-estimated the challenges of non-monogamy, he does seem to have idealised it- I wonder how he will cope when I do actually start having casual sex with other men.

I've been talking to others and arranged a few dates which I had to cancel due to some unrelated issues, I'm much more introverted than he and cagey about how I spend my time. This difference in temperament doesn't bother me. But yeah: I've told these people that I am with him and been clear our relationship will only be casual and I wanted us to be on a solid ground before I started messing with others. Trying to be really gentle with him because I don't know how he will respond and I don't want to hurt him.

Meanwhile he is throwing himself full-force into the deep end with it all, a little obsessively if I am honest, not really making time to care for himself and burning himself out a bit. The first time this issue came up was a few weeks into dating in which he wanted to have a week-long holiday abroad with another woman he shagged on holiday before we got together. We've never taken a holiday, nor spent that much time together so I was really very hurt and jealous that he wanted to do this. The second time was because he'd made plans to go to a kink night with another woman -despite the fact that we'd discussed it and I clearly wanted to go with him. Now he's been on a date with another woman and likes her and wants to spend time with her and see where it goes.

He's great and really caring and sweet, but yeah I just think that maybe he hasn't thought it all through, he's probably working through some of his own shit (I don't want to get caught in the crossfire of that.)

Torn between carrying on talking about it and trying to see if there is a middle ground here

VS

ending it and telling him we can revisit the idea of being together in X months time - providing I'm not with someone else. I'm not liking this insecure feeling that has arisen from knowing he's essentially unsatisfied with the arrangement as it is.


I'm really sad because I've had years of crap relationships (see: mental health issues, picking bad partners) and finally met someone I really connect with who really cares about me. :( It'd be really hard to say goodbye.
 
I'd advise you to consider how you're going to stop the relationships from developing outside of your comfort zone.

You can't legislate feelings so that's one option out. It's impossible to say that they're not allowed to love each other.

You could try to prohibit activities like the vacation, but that's not going to stop them wanting to go together nor will it stop them feeling resentful towards you. You can't control feelings.

You could prohibit certain labels and hope that the feelings follow. So, you could say they're not allowed to call each other "partner", but again, that won't stop them sharing the emotional intimacy commonly shared by romantic partners.

One thing I'd really advise you to do is date as he is. That way, he will be able to see if he can accept as much as he's willing to do in terms of other people. He might decide that something less poly is best for him. But this could backfire too, as he may become more sure that full blown polyamory is better for him than he imagined.

I think once you consider how you would stop a relationship you're not in going outside your comfort zones,and throw out a few possible solutions that could control how (far) a relationship progresses, it will become obvious if there is any middle ground in which your relationship can continue in a way that's good for everyone.
 
Thanks for the reply, its good to talk things through.

SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
One thing I'd really advise you to do is date as he is. That way, he will be able to see if he can accept as much as he's willing to do in terms of other people. He might decide that something less poly is best for him. But this could backfire too, as he may become more sure that full blown polyamory is better for him than he imagined.
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Yeah I know its important to do this- I wish he would slow the pace a little so I can catch up. I've had some really heavy stress of late - coming to terms with some repressed trauma and such. An unstable housing situation - although I've been staying with him this last week.
Dating others hasn't been a top priority given those kinds of issues.

To be honest if I were date others 'as he does' I'd have to see less of him to have the time to do so. I did suggest this to him and he cried. :/
I just don't have the social spoons to keep up with his pace- as I said its kinna obsessive and I wonder if there is something else driving it. He admits to neglecting self-care in his pursuit and it being unsustainable for him.

SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
I think once you consider how you would stop a relationship you're not in going outside your comfort zones,and throw out a few possible solutions that could control how (far) a relationship progresses, it will become obvious if there is any middle ground in which your relationship can continue in a way that's good for everyone.
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Could you explain this a little further?

Thanks again.
 
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BirdsNest said:
Thanks for the reply, its good to talk things through.



Yeah I know its important to do this- I wish he would slow the pace a little so I can catch up. I've had some really heavy stress of late - coming to terms with some repressed trauma and such. An unstable housing situation - although I've been staying with him this last week.
Dating others hasn't been a top priority given those kinds of issues.



Could you explain this a little further?

Thanks again.
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I think that discussing potential solutions to your concerns with him will highlight whether he is prepared to agree to it.

How realistic the solution is will also become clearer to you because you're forced to say it out loud. "No sleepovers" sounds sort of easy on paper until you discuss how that works in reality. It means short dates and travelling during unsocial hours. Who will say yes to that?

You dating will help him decide if he also might want something less than poly. If you do not date, you might miss out on some middle ground that could make this relationship viable for a longer term.

Most of us have found that trying to restrict someone who doesn't want to be restricted in that way turns out badly for all.
 
Ahhhh this is brilliant: concrete, relevant advice. :)

Sleepovers are fine, one night at a time though.
More than once a week is too much.
Going on holiday together is not.
Day trips are ok.

.........what else?

Not ok with metamours being introduced as part of the circle of friends. This is because one of my boundaries relates to the open-ness of the relationship being somewhat private - close friends can be told but otherwise I'm not up for being publicly judged for my private sex life.

Anyway I just called him and said my hand is somewhat forced into taking a step back from this relationship. I can't and won't impose sanctions on what he can and cannot do or feel - but I need to feel secure in the relationship. I put the owness on him to come up with potential solutions. Told him I'm seeing less of him so I can make time to date others, and that I will be on the lookout for someone who wants what I want. He needs to figure out what he wants on his own terms.
 
Anyway I just called him and said my hand is somewhat forced into taking a step back from this relationship. I can't and won't impose sanctions on what he can and cannot do or feel - but I need to feel secure in the relationship. I put the owness on him to come up with potential solutions. Told him I'm seeing less of him so I can make time to date others, and that I will be on the lookout for someone who wants what I want. He needs to figure out what he wants on his own terms.
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I get that you feel torn. But sometimes when it is all hard? You have to pick your hard.

So I think you stepping back is best for what YOU need.

  • You want to work on your mental health
  • You want to deal with your housing situation
  • You want to deal with stresses
  • You seem to see that you don't have the social spoons to keep up with his pace.
  • You also seem not to want have to keep worrying on him burning his own self out.
  • You aren't dating other people in the hopes to stabilize THIS relationship, but he's not really helping to stabilize it. So perhaps best if you see others who do want what you want. This person wants something else.

Like... this was close. But in the end? Not a match.

Because you have conflicting desires in this regard and you don't want to get caught in any crossfire.

Galagirl
 
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"Sleepovers are fine, one night at a time though.
More than once a week is too much.
Going on holiday together is not.
Day trips are ok."

I was going to say that these are the types of rules that create issues in practice.

For example, what if he had a long distance partner who he only grabbed a few days with every few months? What if it made more sense to see that person "on holiday" half way between themselves?

Or more practically, there's a partner who I usually see on a Friday night late exhausted, we sleep together and spend Saturday "dating" and go to bed early on Saturday because they have to leave at about 6am on the Sunday. We don't do this more than about every 6-8 weeks but we do see each other if there's something else social going on. So we see each other another 2x a month just for this. Probably 1 of those times we will attend together but due to other commitments, we don't usually stay with each other for those dates.

That's why it's best to take each situation as it comes.
 
If non-monogamy is a journey and one needs a partner to go on that journey with... I feel like he is ploughing ahead, with intensity, and without me. He isn't inconsiderate overall, he's actually really kind, supportive while I've been through some rubbish recently.

I just think he's got his blinkers on and is being a bit naive about how these kinds of relationship work. He also felt overwhelmed a little by the intensity of some of the conversations we've had to have, it doesn't get any easier. That is the nature of the non-monogamy he asked for.

As I said he's burning himself out through this obsessive behaviour. Like he doesn't really spend time with people who are not poly or who he is not dating, he's going to a lot of fetish nights alone and spends lot of time going to poly meet ups. He doesn't really seek out friendships outside of this, or other hobbies. At the moment....this IS his hobby. I think he is lacking in balance and perspective in his life.

He seems to think that in order to be truly honest he's got to act on all the feelings that he has for others and explore them all to their maximum potential.

He says he is totally OK with me doing whatever I want with whomever I want - I'll believe that when I see it!

And yet he cried when I said I'd need to see him less, he wants to be spending more time with me and he has been making me a priority in his life. (Which is really nice!)

He claims he wants a wife and kids one day, I don't know how he's going to match that up with this intense desire to explore.

.... can't help but think he's on the brink of chucking away a relationship he really cares about in order to pursue a fantasy in his head.

Also that post just made on another thread:

FallenAngelina said:
The honeymoon is over after only four months and your partner is now looking for other relationships because yours is launched? I'd be petrified, too. That's an NRE junkie, not a stable partner.

Four months is a ridiculously short time to be already feeling the itch for more glitter. Four months is not a launched relationship, it's a sputter. Your own fears are telling you this loud and clear.
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We've been dating for five months!!! He is also a NRE junkie.

I suspect he has unresolved issues around the end of his last relationship, and that this is the driver of the intensity.

and/or

He's just really naive and being a bit reckless.
 
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I'd really advise against the path you're heading here in terms of labelling his behavior. First off, a lot of poly people still seek or are open to partners regardless of where other relationships are at that point. So rather than an NRE junkie, maybe he's a guy seeking compatible partners of which he has few at this point. Especially given that it doesn't seem to be working out with you.

Secondly, many poly people enjoy many relationships of various levels of entanglement. He could easily find someone who wants marriage, kids, and bring happy with polyamory too. Many of us have achieved that.

I think your disappointment at him not doing what you'd like him to do is causing you to cast him as a villan
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
I'd really advise against the path you're heading here in terms of labelling his behavior. First off, a lot of poly people still seek or are open to partners regardless of where other relationships are at that point. So rather than an NRE junkie, maybe he's a guy seeking compatible partners of which he has few at this point. Especially given that it doesn't seem to be working out with you.

Secondly, many poly people enjoy many relationships of various levels of entanglement. He could easily find someone who wants marriage, kids, and bring happy with polyamory too. Many of us have achieved that.

I think your disappointment at him not doing what you'd like him to do is causing you to cast him as a villan
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I'm his only partner.

My opinion is that those who are willing to seek new relationships regardless of where other relationships are at, are not really considering the feelings of their present partner. If you're willing to introduce further instability/disruption into something unstable, to me that does not sound like the actions of a great partner who values you but instead someone who is in it for themselves.

Given my history (which he knows of) it takes me a lot longer to trust people and longer to feel secure in a relationship.

If he wants a non-monogamous relationship, and if he also wants to be with me, then this is what he has got to work with. Ploughing ahead and pulling the rug from underneath me, while I'm just finding my feet, is not working for me.
 
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I agree with SEASONEDpolyAgain and GalaGirl. You and this guy don't seem like you're on the same page at all at the moment.

I know it's hard, but I do think it may be best for you both to find partners whose goals and approaches to non-monogamy are better aligned with each other.

Could you have a purely platonic friendship with him for the time being?
 
Ploughing ahead and pulling the rug from underneath me, while I'm just finding my feet, is not working for me.
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That is you talking about YOU and what you need. You need something that DOES work for you. This is not it. You seem to see it.

All this other stuff?

I just think he's got his blinkers on and is being a bit naive about how these kinds of relationship work.
He also felt overwhelmed a little by the intensity of some of the conversations we've had to have, it doesn't get any easier. That is the nature of the non-monogamy he asked for.

he's burning himself out through this obsessive behaviour.

he doesn't really spend time with people who are not poly or who he is not dating, he's going to a lot of fetish nights alone and spends lot of time going to poly meet ups. He doesn't really seek out friendships outside of this, or other hobbies. At the moment....this IS his hobby.

I think he is lacking in balance and perspective in his life.

He seems to think that in order to be truly honest he's got to act on all the feelings that he has for others and explore them all to their maximum potential.

He says he is totally OK with me doing whatever I want with whomever I want - I'll believe that when I see it!
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That his stuff and his behaviors. If he's determined to go at it like kid in a candy store? Could step back to get you out of it and let him learn whatever he has to learn about life balance that way.

You don't have to be in the thick of it. You could be doing what YOU need for your goals instead.


We've been dating for five months!!! He is also a NRE junkie.

I suspect he has unresolved issues around the end of his last relationship, and that this is the driver of the intensity.

and/or

He's just really naive and being a bit reckless.
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Is dating a driven/obessing guy with unresolved issues who is naive and reckless the best dating partner for you while you are seeking to do something about your stresses and mental health?

Galagirl
 
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But what about if you're so busy being considerate of an existing partner that you let lots of potentially more compatible partners pass you by?

You might only be able to find happiness and security with a model that doesn't permit him the space to have the relationships he wants. That will mean any time he tries to branch out, you'll want him to pull back.

Our monogamous society puts an obligation on him to sustain your relationship before he seeks his non monogamous desires but he actually has the choice to end this relationship and seek partners who are more onboard with polyamory. To me, it sounds like he's at the point where he is grieving that it cannot be you.

I agree with Galagirl but I'd caution against trying to diagnose or label his behavior based on how much it conflicts with your needs.
 
Hello BirdsNest,

It sounds like you are in a rough place; you are considering breaking up with a man with whom you really connect and who really cares about you. :( As matters currently stand, you and he are not compatible with each other; in the sense that, you want open, while he wants poly. You want casual sex and flings with others; he wants intense emotion-filled relationships, and is so bent on pursuing those, that he is neglecting his relationship with you. Clearly he is going about things in a dysfunctional way, but the question is, how do you convince him to do otherwise? Would therapy help? What could you tell him to make him realize that his poly has become an obsession? You've already told him you need to step back from the relationship, and while that made him cry, it did not convince him to put the brakes on. What happens when you come right out and tell him, "What you're doing, and the way you're pursuing every relationship to the max, is not healthy."

It is sad, to have to step back in the relationship, but unless he awakens to the fact that he is going way too fast for you, stepping back is really your best option. I'm sorry it has come to that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello BirdsNest,

It sounds like you are in a rough place; you are considering breaking up with a man with whom you really connect and who really cares about you. :( As matters currently stand, you and he are not compatible with each other; in the sense that, you want open, while he wants poly. You want casual sex and flings with others; he wants intense emotion-filled relationships, and is so bent on pursuing those, that he is neglecting his relationship with you. Clearly he is going about things in a dysfunctional way, but the question is, how do you convince him to do otherwise? Would therapy help? What could you tell him to make him realize that his poly has become an obsession? You've already told him you need to step back from the relationship, and while that made him cry, it did not convince him to put the brakes on. What happens when you come right out and tell him, "What you're doing, and the way you're pursuing every relationship to the max, is not healthy."

It is sad, to have to step back in the relationship, but unless he awakens to the fact that he is going way too fast for you, stepping back is really your best option. I'm sorry it has come to that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Thanks for the kind words and compassion!

Yes it is rough, really rough!!

I've spent years dating people who didn't treat me very well and years feeling left out and alone as friends find partners and start to settle - moving in together, taking holidays together. I stopped getting invited out as much with them, and more and more they'd spend time with other couples and I would just be forgotten.

And while that was going on I had some bad luck in life- wrestling with bad housing situations...precarious employment, some serious health issues after an accident that nearly killed me .... and then all the mental health issues to boot. That is on top of the aforementioned unresolved issues from my earlier life - which have surfaced now I'm ready to cope with them and don't have another major life crisis to firefight.

....and FINALLY I meet someone who I really connect with, who I really like and who really likes me.

It makes me despair that I'm having to deal with this.

I'm aware that I 'cast him as a villain' (he is not) but to those who noted this: I'm *venting* here. I'm aware it is not going to help our relationship if I direct that at him but it needs to be expressed somehow for my own sake.

With regards to him "putting on the brakes" - Well, I only told him yesterday I need to take a step back. So we shall see what comes yet. He needs to understand that I am serious when I am telling him that this situation is too much for me to cope with at the moment.

.... I haven't even said "No poly ever!" I've just said its too much right now and it will realistically take me a few years before I feel comfortable with it - basically until I'm able to address the very self-destructive urges I get when I'm feeling really down... Until then casual flings with others is OK by me.

I want someone I can build a home with and be a primary partner, so having a full on poly relationship (given the place I currently am at in life) just feels too threatening to my sense of trust and security for be to be able to have a deep and meaningful relationship. I'm scared that if we go down that road, he will stop making me his priority in favour of someone else and I will (yet again) be left alone and struggling with all the self-destructive urges that plague me when I feel super shit.
 
I don't think he's a villain. It just sounds like he's at once place and you are at another. He's all go-go-go and you don't have the spoons for that.

I only told him yesterday I need to take a step back. So we shall see what comes yet. He needs to understand that I am serious when I am telling him that this situation is too much for me to cope with at the moment.
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Hopefully he hears you. And you work something out.

I want someone I can build a home with and be a primary partner, so having a full on poly relationship (given the place I currently am at in life) just feels too threatening to my sense of trust and security for be to be able to have a deep and meaningful relationship. I'm scared that if we go down that road, he will stop making me his priority in favour of someone else and I will (yet again) be left alone and struggling with all the self-destructive urges that plague me when I feel super shit.
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Are you saying you are afraid you will break up and not be able to cope? What do you need to feel safe and secure?

What's your plan for learning coping skills and clearing up past issues/mental health stuff? Maybe that's the area to focus on first? Like... you could let this relationship ride out however it will after talking. Could call that good enough attention on that for now so you can get to focus on the main work you want to be doing. Rather than over focus on this relationship and then not get on to your main work. Could that approach help?

Galagirl
 
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It sounds to me like you are monogamish. You are okay with everybody fucking around as long as it is understood that you are part of a couple and everybody else is just a distraction.

The thing is this can work. You remind me of my late wife. She was more open than poly. I am more poly than open. She didn't get too serious with anyone. That was her decision. I tended to look for more serious relationships. She struggled a little bit, but eventually realized I wasn't going to dump her for someone new.

The problem I see here is you have some insecurities, which is normal. However, you are looking to him to solve these insecurities. That really is something only you can do.

But if you need a partner who is there all the time, then maybe it's time to look elsewhere.
 
Hi BirdsNest, I'm sorry this is a hard time for you. Should a 5 month old relationship be this nerve-wracking? Or should it be more sunshine and lounging by the pool?

I am rarely on this forum, but a long time contributor on a mainstream relationship forum.

Here is a terribly hard lesson I learned...

You are listening to his words tooooo much. Please remember! There are two people inside every person - the one of words (how they describe themselves, and what they say they want/mean/will do), and the one of actions (which in everyone's opinion is the authentic predictor of what they really want/mean/will do). The person often doesn't see the disparity - they're telling themselves the same things they're telling the world, but what they are actually doing (and not doing) is how you can know what to expect of them.

Think of what his actions show you. Where do you fit into his heart? His actions are not showing that his priority is building a solid relationship with you, nor pursuing his ambitions/career.

From what you've written here, I think in actuality he is using you to pump up his mojo so that he can be more confident and enthusiastic in his pursuit of other women. That is the main function you have in his life. He also enjoys your companionship and sex, but that is the place you have in his solar system - his minimum level entry girl so he has a warm place to 'land' when he's run through his other options and not had a better success.

He won't say that. He may not consciously realize it himself. It's not important. You are your own protector and lover before anyone else. You must make the safe place for your own heart first.
-------------------
Good job to you for making a clear statement about what you desire and where your limit is. Please stick to that, hard. Your heart and mental future are on the line. Stay clear.

Best Wishes,
Sunlight
 
Heya,

How am I coping with the 'shit in my head'?

I have a therapist, a good network of supportive friends, I just left a very toxic housing situation, living someplace temporary while looking for something longer term. (It will be lonely there....) Trying hard with my career - having to push in several directions all at once.

Basic self-care sometimes slips by the wayside, its forgetting to eat that drains me the most. Currently living in a studio flat alone now, which is better than where I was- but its a long way from friends and really I need to be living with friends. I have a tendency to go into myself too much when I am alone for too long. I'll sit and do nothing and stare into space.

The self-care is really hard to maintain as sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by everything I need to do, and the things I want to do, that getting out of bed is hard. I beat myself up for being irresponsible or lazy even though I work really hard.



To be honest I think a part of the reason that all the 'shit in my head' finally surfaced was _because_ I met this guy and he was so caring and supportive and seems to really want me in his life. We had a disagreement on an issue and it was very triggering for me, he asked me 'What is the shit that goes on in your head'? and suddenly I realised I had to stop being quiet about it.

Here there was someone who not only wanted to know- but needed to know if our relationship was to survive. I've never really experienced that before. Suddenly I dared to be more honest about my experiences with all my other friends- and finally I am starting to feel properly understood and properly heard in a way I never have before (but really really really needed) I have suffered in silence for far too long.

There were other factors of course, and I had been bidding this into my life as I knew it was there and I knew it needed dealing with.

Unpicking it all is going to be a long and hard road to travel on. I basically survived by chopping up all the trauma into tiny bits and putting them into boxes and locking them away.


I'm very independent and don't need someone around all the time - infact I found it kinna smothering when I stayed with him for 4 nights while I was between houses recently. Started to feel a need to do my own thing by the 3rd night.
 
....So we've talked and I think I have been heard out a LITTLE here but something is still really bugging me.

I left him a letter and we didn't speak for a week. The letter roughly said-

“This pace is too much for me, I know I need to deal with my shit but I need a partner who can support me while I do that. We don't know what we will be ok with and what we will not be ok with in the future. If we want to be a partnership we’ve got to work with our partner. We’re both also free to leave.”

He's going away again soon and -while we spent a week not talking- he made plans to spend the weekend after he gets back with a woman he went on a date with. The woman he 'quite likes' and 'would like to see where it goes.'

He planned to go visit her in her city and spend ALL weekend with her.
After we've had all this drama and upset and disruption, and after I'd made it really clear that I was NOT OK with this. He immediately offered to not go when I said I wasn't ok with it.

Then I felt guilty because:

a-I felt like I was holding him back

b- I felt like this other woman is being messed around. (And if we're going to do an ethical open relationship I don't want to be messing other people around.)

....so I then BACKTRACKED and said he could spend THE DAY with her if he wanted. Which, honestly, I'm not Ok with. Now I'm really angry with myself, and angry with him because I feel like he's starting to force the issue on me before I am ready.

I suggested that perhaps he have a relationship with LESS emotional entanglement: that perhaps he wants to be a "Free agent" poly person. He said that isn't what he wanted.


What I want is for us to call off ALL BETS with other people (this includes me: theres this guy I really want to hook up with, I'd be sad to have to put this one down but hey ho.)

...Call off ALL BETS with other people...and start from the beginning, and do it properly. Start with kink nights, a bit of swinging, threesomes. (In which we both invite someone to our bed and are also the 3rd with a couple.)

On reflection: I'm up for giving a full-on poly relationship an honest shot but I need...

a- to not be in a place of turbulence (which I am right now, for reasons other than my relationship)

b- to really trust and have a solid foundation with my partner. (all these arguments about how to do to non-monogamy have left me feeling unsettled.)

c- I REALLY need to feel that my partner has heard me out on my inner pains relating to my family of origin. At the moment I feel I've been 2/3rds or 3/4 heard out. I think if he agreed to stop with the sweet-shop raiding attitude and calmed the fuck down to give me chance to to A and us chance to build B then that would go a long way to making me feel secure, wanted and like my needs in this relationship are important.


I wouldn't say he totally disregards me or my feelings but he is doing this a little. I'm wary because I'm aware I over-react to things or don't react when I should. My emotional barometer is a bit of a mess at the moment.

Blah blah blah long post sorry. xx
 
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