Openness advice or tips

G

Gauds55

New member
Hey everyone new to this forum.

The girlfriend and I had started venturing from manogomy to consentual non-manogomy. We have been pretty much together for almost 2 years now, both in our 20's and very much in love on a very deep level of connection with trust and openness with a healthy consist sex life.

For the past however many years I've always had an interest in the whole partner sharing thing but burried it away as society categorizes manogomy to be the only morally right choice for relationships. In the past we had experimented testing the waters with another male joining us for a night and it was a bit nerve racking for both of us but nothing bad came of it.

Almost a year later and the topic came up again (on my behalf). My partner had decided to go along with it. So we found the guy who was the first one and discussed it all and decided I'd drop her off to his house for awhile. When i got home afterwards I felt completely fine with it and didn't feel any insecurities or forms of betrayal. Crazy to think but I enjoyed allowing it all to happen and felt 100% trust.

We have lately decided that the me being manogomous and her being listed as I guess consentual non manogomous fits well with trust, communication and reassurance of love for one another.

Has anyone else been in this type of arrangement and felt like it's opened up their love and communication with the other half?

Would love to hear back on any ideas, suggestions and feedback and how people have dealt with any possible jealousy.
 
I know people who are monogamous with a poly partner but they theoretically could also have multiple partners if they wanted. IME, it doesnt work well when the agreement is based on the idea that one person will ALWAYS be monogamous. The premise I've seen work best is that everyone gets to choose their partners. That includes choosing to only have one. It allows for change.
 
Gauds55 said:
Hey everyone. I'm new to this forum.

My girlfriend and I had started venturing from monogamy to consensual non-monogamy. We have been pretty much together for almost 2 years now, We are both in our 20's and very much in love, on a very deep level of connection, with trust and openness, and a healthy consistent sex life.

For the past however many years I've always had an interest in the whole partner-sharing thing, but buried it away, as society categorizes monogamy as the only morally right choice for relationships. In the past, we experimented, testing the waters, with another male joining us for a night. It was a bit nerve wracking for both of us, but nothing bad came of it.

Now it's almost a year later, and the topic came up again (on my behalf). My partner decided to go along with it. So we found the guy, who was the first one, and discussed it all, and decided I'd drop her off to his house for awhile.

When I got home afterwards I felt completely fine with it, and didn't feel any insecurities or forms of betrayal. It's crazy to think, but I enjoyed allowing it all to happen and felt 100% trust.

We have lately decided that me being monogamous, and her being listed as, I guess, consensually non-monogamous fits well with trust, communication and our reassurance of love for one another.

Has anyone else been in this type of arrangement and felt like it's opened up their love and communication with the other half?

I would love to hear back on any ideas, suggestions and feedback, and how people have dealt with any possible jealousy.
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Hi, welcome to polyamory.com.

I assume you're finding your gf partners online. And then she went and had sex with someone new, in this time of pandemic? Correct me if I'm wrong. This just seems like a very bad time to be dating strangers. Not only do you need to practice extremely safer sex with poly to avoid STDs and unplanned pregnancy, we all need to be safe from this horrible virus.

OK, that said, please note the spelling of monogamy, monogamous, polyamorous and consensual. Just a tip! :) If you're going to be doing these things and creating profiles, it's best to spell them correctly, agree?

Polyamory (ethical non-monogamy) does not require group sex, threesomes or more. In fact, usually when a poly couple is together, they each go get their own partners. This is found to be the best most popular way to succeed at poly.

Maybe you found it uncomfortable to be in bed with another guy and your gf. Maybe you're not attracted to men. Or maybe it's a turn off, not a turn on, to watch another man touching your gf. And that's fine!

There is no reason you can't go find your own 1 on 1 new partner too (leaving out the risk of doing that right now), if you want. But if you really don't want to, that's your right, of course! It is certainly common to have only one partner in a poly couple seeing others, whether by choice, or just because one partner isn't finding anyone suitable at the same time.

It's great that you feel good to know your gf is having fun and will maybe find another good healthy long term relationship. That's called compersion. You're happy because she's happy.
 
Hello Gauds55,

It sounds like you have a good MFM arrangement with your girlfriend ... I, too, have an MFM arrangement (a V) with my girlfriend (I think of her as my wife, even though we are not legally married). It's a really good arrangement for all three of us, you can read about it in my blog. Here are some other links you might find helpful:

Let me know if you have any questions.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
We have lately decided that the me being manogomous and her being listed as I guess consentual non manogomous fits well with trust, communication and reassurance of love for one another.
Click to expand...

You mentioned you brought up partner swapping as an interest and that would lead to an assumption you want other partners... Have YOU decided you are monogamous? Or has your girlfriend decided for you?


Would love to hear back on any ideas, suggestions and feedback and how people have dealt with any possible jealousy.
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Jealousy is a tricky one with whole books and threads about it. Best search for them! You NEVER know when it will jump and bite your ass!

On a personal note, I have no fear (jealousy) about the wife sleeping with other men but I do over her potential to fall in love. And that is because of MY issues about my age, validity, security and value to her. As I sent her off on her first night with a guy I was all happy cool. By the end of the night I was a freaked out mess!

(I am plain 'open' to other partners, my wife is Polyamorous in nature)

Both of you should be talking about fears and potential scenarios so as to get a good foundation of where you are at and how to handle unexpected speed bumps.

I'm on my learner plates with this and so many here have great insights, do listen to them.
 
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