Outted
- Thread starter Muppet
- Start date
It doesn't make you a horrible person. It makes you someone who made a mistake.
Whether I would forgive someone depends on the situation. I'm out to my family anyway; obviously Hubby, Alt, and Country all know, as do my parents. I have other relatives, but I don't really know any of them and never have contact with them, so they don't matter as to whether they know I'm poly or not. However, Hubby has asked that his family (parents, siblings, etc.) not find out that I'm poly, so if someone outed me to them, I would be angry--but not as angry as Hubby.
Does your partner know you outed them? If so, what did they say about it?
Whether I would forgive someone depends on the situation. I'm out to my family anyway; obviously Hubby, Alt, and Country all know, as do my parents. I have other relatives, but I don't really know any of them and never have contact with them, so they don't matter as to whether they know I'm poly or not. However, Hubby has asked that his family (parents, siblings, etc.) not find out that I'm poly, so if someone outed me to them, I would be angry--but not as angry as Hubby.
Does your partner know you outed them? If so, what did they say about it?
my partner knows. i told them right away. unfortunately, they spoke with their primary and decision has been for them to hide in the background for a spell. the person who i outted them to was a family member and it was totally done by accident. the family member is involved with the lifestyle in a certain way, but still they are both shaken to their core.
I am so sad. last week I was despondant and irrational. i don't want to let this person go.
I am so sad. last week I was despondant and irrational. i don't want to let this person go.
SchrodingersCat
Active member
Best thing you can do now is own it and show how sincerely you regret your mistake. You didn't try to hide it, that's a good start. I assume you've apologized profusely and begged for forgiveness.
An accident is when you hit a patch of ice and your car slides into a pole, and even then the insurance company holds you responsible. What you did was careless. Saying it was an accident makes it sound like you're not really at fault. But from your guilt, you know you're at fault.
Focus on your ownership of the mistake and your regret over your actions, that's your best bet for forgiveness. Whether they do or not is up to them.
I would also suggest to the partner that they get in touch with the family member ASAP and try to put a lid on it if they still can. You mention the person is in the lifestyle (not sure what lifestyle you mean, but doesn't really matter, any "lifestyle" knows about taboos), so they may be willing to help keep the secret.
An accident is when you hit a patch of ice and your car slides into a pole, and even then the insurance company holds you responsible. What you did was careless. Saying it was an accident makes it sound like you're not really at fault. But from your guilt, you know you're at fault.
Focus on your ownership of the mistake and your regret over your actions, that's your best bet for forgiveness. Whether they do or not is up to them.
I would also suggest to the partner that they get in touch with the family member ASAP and try to put a lid on it if they still can. You mention the person is in the lifestyle (not sure what lifestyle you mean, but doesn't really matter, any "lifestyle" knows about taboos), so they may be willing to help keep the secret.
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SchrodingersCat
Active member
No. People make mistakes. People are sometimes careless. What makes someone a horrible person is doing stuff like this on purpose just to see the SHTF.
Hi Muppet,
Sorry to hear about your predicament. You are certainly not a horrible person since you didn't mean to do it. I believe I would forgive you, but alas I am not your poly companions, so you will have to see if they'll forgive you. Hopefully they will.
I agree that you should ask the outed-to family member ASAP if they would be willing to help you keep this poly thing a secret.
Keep us posted on how things are going.
With sympathy,
Kevin T.
Sorry to hear about your predicament. You are certainly not a horrible person since you didn't mean to do it. I believe I would forgive you, but alas I am not your poly companions, so you will have to see if they'll forgive you. Hopefully they will.
I agree that you should ask the outed-to family member ASAP if they would be willing to help you keep this poly thing a secret.
Keep us posted on how things are going.
With sympathy,
Kevin T.