Partner encouraged non poly to cheat on unsuspecting fiance

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icxtion

New member
Hello all! I would really like your opinions about my current situation. My poly partner met a girl (non poly) a year ago who had also met another man (non poly) and began and mono relationship with him. They got engaged but recently she has become very unhappy in the relationship, having to sneak in and out just to see my partner. Her and her fiancé are still together. My partner went on a date with her earlier this week and they were intimate, without her fiancé consenting or even knowing about the situation. I do not know how to feel about this as she obviously cheated on her fiance and my partner knew that. What are some opinions on this? And how do I discuss this with my partner?

Thanks!
 
icxtion said:
Hello all! I would really like your opinions about my current situation. My poly partner met a girl (non poly) a year ago who had also met another man (non poly) and began and mono relationship with him. They got engaged but recently she has become very unhappy in the relationship, having to sneak in and out just to see my partner. Her and her fiancé are still together. My partner went on a date with her earlier this week and they were intimate, without her fiancé consenting or even knowing about the situation. I do not know how to feel about this as she obviously cheated on her fiance and my partner knew that. What are some opinions on this? And how do I discuss this with my partner?

Thanks!
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why does she sneak out? Is her fiancee unaware of the existence of your partner or does he know about him but disapproves her seeing him? Do everyone a favor in one fell swoop. Tell the fiancee anonymously. He gets out of marrying a rotten woman. She gets to be happy by ending things instead of marrying someone that she dislikes so much that she would cheat during her engagement. Your asshole fiancee gets a chance to be with the cheater legitimately. Everyone wins. For bonus you could tell him that you were the one who spilled the beans and maybe he will be so angry he will break up with you and you will be free of the ass.
 
Hi icxtion,

That sounds like a really bad situation; why is she still engaged to that guy if she's so unhappy with him?

Re (from OP):
"How do I discuss this with my partner?"
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Keep it simple. Sit him down at a time when you're both free of stress and distractions, and say, "Honey, I'm concerned about the situation with this other woman."

Do you have ethical issues with staying with your partner when you know he is in a cheating situation? Something to consider.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Cheating is not poly. It's the opposite of poly. He needs to change his regime, she may be uncertain of what to do but she doesn't have to do your partner while thinking about it.
 
If she is lying to her fiancée, someone she is supposed to love and respect, then what else is she doing unethically? She could be lying to your shared partner too. Is she sexually safe with all of her partners? I don't think I would want to be anywhere near this at all! It will only end in drama.
 
I am sorry you deal in this. :(

My partner went on a date with her earlier this week and they were intimate, without her fiancé consenting or even knowing about the situation. I do not know how to feel about this as she obviously cheated on her fiance and my partner knew that.
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Your BF chooses to be her cheating affair partner. Are you upset with your partner for picking someone like her to hang with and signing up for this role?

And you want to tell him what? To end it with her?

I think you could tell him up front and direct that you don't want to be involved in this mess. And if he chooses to continue with her and her cheating mess, then you prefer to break it off with him and get yourself out of the line of fire.

When you pick him out? You can choose to stop picking him out to be with because of his poor behavior.

Galagirl
 
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You asked for opinions, and then what to talk to him about. Really most importantly, what are your opinions? That what you need to talk about with him.

That said, here are my opinions.

I don't do it. I don't want my partners to be lying to their partners about me. So, I won't date people who are lying about me. It hurts for me to be in a relationship like that. Also, when I date, I consider female competition, and how not to engage in that with my metamores. So, I keep a close eye there as well when interacting with shared lovers.

I also think it brings unknown drama into the picture. I don't want that in my life.

I have a partner who I disagree with about this. He thinks people are bound by the agreements they make with others, but that those agreements don't transfer to other people. So, he is willing to go there.

I am a terrible liar. So, that's something for folks to consider when acting around me. I won't/can't hold people's lies for them. I won't necessarily go out of my way to tell people, but if I met the fiancé chances are good I'd tell him. So, I say, not around me. Not people in my life.

I feel fine about this constrasting viewpoint.
 
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