Personal Summaries

Karelia

New member
My (Our) Story

I am Kari. My husband and I have a girlfriend. Neither of them read or post on this forum, as this is where I go to sort through things, and they understand and respect this.

Here are the basics about Us.

T & I have been together since 1999. Our first year was extremely challenging. We were only 22 and neither of us was exactly looking for our life partners. However, I'd gotten to a point where I recognized that settling for second best was simply not something I would do, and when I met him, I knew. I knew he was the guy I wanted for the rest of my life. At the end of our second date, he told me NOT to fall in love with him because eventually he wanted to get married and I was the kind of woman he wanted to marry. It was a very confusing message, but the point he wanted to make was, "I'm not ready for that yet."

We struggled. He was very, very angry at women thanks to an unbelievably bad first girlfriend about whom he talked a LOT. I often felt I was competing with her ghost. We broke up a bunch of times, with the premise for this being "bad sex," while really that was just the excuse he used (not untrue, mind you) to escape the relationship he wasn't ready for. Ultimately, he saw what he was doing and we recommitted. I always believed the sex issue could be worked through, and it finally was... but the scars that it left on my heart were wounds that would be unintentionally and unexpectedly reopened when we met our girlfriend R.

Fast forward to this past February. After two years of infertility, I decided to call it quits. We found out not long after starting trying to knock me up that he has MS. After that, he was never as sure he should be a father... and I was tired of the heartbreak. I just didn't have it in me anymore.

We were playing in an online virtual world. We were testing our sexual boundaries. We'd be on the phone at our desks and using our avatars to explore things we'd NEVER have done in person. Well, we met our GF during one such experiment. I knew, very quickly, that she was special. I was terrified. We all thought each other "safe" because she'd been in triads before and had failed and no longer believed in closed triads as a result. She had other virtual lovers and a real-life GF (from one of the triads after the husband left). But her RL GF was a train wreck who treated her like crap. And we, against our will, found ourselves falling for her.

We were the sort who believed love was between two people. Gender was irrelevant. I've always been bi, but didn't think I could love a woman and my sexual encounters were limited to my childhood best friend and, at one point, she and her boyfriend wanted me involved (but they were swingers). I was, but to a very limited extent. Suffice it to say, for all intents and purposes, I was a "virgin" where girls were concerned.

Well, we broke all of our rules with R. Talked on the phone, met in person. Fell utterly and completely in love, and underwent a major paradigm shift as a result. She's never had a healthy relationship and has some major communication issues. I've had some insecurities (mostly related to sex, which I mentioned above) to work through, and also have had to adjust because I used to feel like the center of the universe with my husband and now I'm not.

But at the end of the day, we all love each other. I will do everything I can to make this work, and believe they will, too. We hope it will be enough.

We're poly-fi. The idea of another man touching me makes me sick to my stomach. As for another woman, I can't imagine anyone but her (not surprisingly, since she's the only one). My husband does not identify as poly. He recognizes our relationship as such, but feels that it is not about the label - it is about our GF and having fallen for her.

She was a most unexpected and wonderful surprise. I could never have imagined her. I could never unimagine her.
 

NIMchimpsky

New member
I didn't mention anything in the way of my relationship history in my introduction so here goes.

I am currently married to a woman. She and I both identify as polyamorous, but right now we are going steady as monogamous. Not by force or anything, but just because that's how things are playing out.

I identify as transgender and date women. I've both fallen in love with more than one person at a time and dated more than one person at a time, making me polyamorous both in how I feel and what I practice.

In high school, I was in love with two women at the same time, neither of whom I dated.

At the beginning of college, when I was dating the woman I'm married to now, I was dating another woman as well. I am open to dating anyone that would be willing to date me and my wife as a couple.

nim
 

JonnyAce

New member
My Story (so far)

So, now that i've been reading the forum and posting some things i figured i'd give all you nice folks my story.

I'm JonnyAce my gf C, and i just started dating, although we've known each other for over 2 yrs. Going into the relationship we had many discussions, and discovered that both of us are polyamorous. Right now I'm definitely caught up in NRE a bit, b'c i love her so much. I'm so glad to have had a chance meeting w/her a few years ago, and to find out that she was like minded gave me hope that i would be able to have a healthy loving relationship(s).
one of the big things that ended my last relationship (of almost 6 yrs) was the fact that i came to the realization that mono wasn't for me, so not only finding an amazing person, but them also feeling the same way i do about the possibility of multiple loves is fantastic.

Right now neither me, nor C are actively looking for other loves, but we're open to the fact that it's possible.


While this is my 1st poly relationship i do have a, what i think, is a decent amount of knowledge about poly for a newbie, as after my parents divorced my father came out as poly. He even has friends who formed PolyNYC, and Tri-State Poly, and he himself has been involved in the poly community for over 15 yrs. This is not to say that i don't have a lot to learn, as i think that you never stop learning in life. I've already learned so much from you all, and i'm sure i will continue to do so in the future.

JA
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
Hi. I live in Alaska. You can call me Loving Radiance or LR which is what I go by online. I'm 34 years old.

I've been married to my husband for 10 years. My oldest turned 18 today, his son is 13 and we have a 9 yr old and a 2 yr old who is biologically my (male) best friends child with me-via sperm donation.

I've known I was poly as long as I can recall-I never dated without a "fwb" on the side as a teen. It caused a lot of problems and complications at times.
I am also bi-and I've known that since my late teens.

I had one long term relationship (monogomous) with a woman and have never met a woman who could live up to that memory since. :( I have no contact with her-but still dream of her regularly and believe myself to be in love with who she was when I knew her (I would hope she's grown in the 14 years since we were together and isn't the same person I fell in love with then, but who knows).

My last relationship prior to marriage was an open relationship that worked fairly well except I had a child and he simply wasn't interested in being responsible (financially) for himself much less as a team with me.

Marriage with M has been fraught with issues. We love each other deeply, but he has a lot of deep seeded pain that affects his relationships and I have a bad tendency to lose myself in an attempt to "care for" someone else's issues.

Early on in the marriage we had major issues with his ex-wife that resulted in a complete breakdown of our marriage and friendship. I had an affair. We took about a year living apart, doing counseling, working on ourselves to try to get things straightened out.

We've discussed 3 somes with other people. I'm a fairly confident person and when an opportunity arose and hubby propositioned me for THAT NIGHT-I readily agreed because I knew he'd never done that before (I have a number of times before I was married) and it went well. The aftermath wasn't cool however because her boyfriend (who lived on the other side of the country literally) decided he wanted "his turn" and I wasn't interested nor was M.

As with many things-we solved SOME of the issues and then stopped working on it becuase it "seemed" so much better already.

More recently (in the last year) it's been made evident to me that I simply can't pretend to be something I am not. I've started working out (I have lost 60 lbs and have 6 to go), gone pescatarian (still eat seafood) with no dairy/eggs, and let hubby know that I AM poly and for me to be TRULY happy and comfortable and fulfilled I require a poly relationship.

This has been very trying for him as he doesn't handle change well in the first place. But he knows that I do need to get "back on track with me" in order to get my depression issues under control (much better since I started working on this).

He is insecure about the poly thing. He's terrified of "ending up alone" and/or being replaced. Neither of which would ever happen intentionally on my part. Can't say I won't get hit by a car and die (thus leaving him alone) but I won't just leave. Even if he decides that what I need to be happy he can't handle and we divorce, I would easily be friends with him. This is something that he has come to udnerstand is simply my personality and accepts as truth which seems to help SOME of his insecurity issues.

We're in counseling for communication because we struggle with that. His insecurities lead to some hair raising conversations at times but he's working his butt off to learn better communication skills and I'm unbelievably proud of his commitment and devotion to that.

My best friend C is the other man I am in love with and currently we function as a V. I don't imagine that it will ever be a triad, as neither of them are bi and both tend to be mono's naturally. We do all live together and we share child-rearing and financial responsibility as a family. Everyone in our lives knows we're family-but none know we are in a poly relationship..... that's all for now!:eek:

Update:After much time on here talking and more reading-Maca decided that he was ok with "coming out" more. Now we are "out" with everyone but his brother, his exwife, his coworkers and GG's family (who we don't associate with anyway)! :) This is THRILLING for me.
 
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Nzlovergirl

New member
Hi, im Nzlovergirl, im 25 and I live in New Zealand.

I am married to a wonderful man, have been for three years, though we've been together for almost 9.

We opened our lives to the idea of polyamory two years ago and he has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for almost all of that. I dated her husband, so in essence, we had a wonderful quad in place that worked well for 18 months. Then, due to difficult circumstance my relationship with him broke down. I have been dating a mono guy for the last three months and as hard as it is sometimes, its still a wonderful experience.
 

berserker239

New member
My Name is Nicholas, call me Nick or B.

My story is a long one and im not sure if this is the place for it.

Im 17, ill be 18 in 2 days less than a month! November 2nd ftw ^^

Im poly and so is my girlfriend Haley, we recently got out of a poly relationship with another girl because she backstabbed us and got a boyfriend behind our back then lied about it.

Im probably the only 17 that i know whos willing to consider a little girl who isnt mine or my girlfriend's biological child, but i have a huge softspot for her. As soon as i saw her, i fell in love with her immediately. I see myself in her(and she looks just like me and my girl), when i was younger i had the same situation she is in. A drug addict mother and a father who is hardly ever around. I just look at her and i feel like id do anything to see her smile, id die to make her happy. I guess thats how biological parents feel when they see their child. I know its irresponsible of me to do what im doing with her, and probably going to cause her grief when she gets older, but that grief wont be anything compared to what i had to do with my mother when i was young. I dont want that to happen to her, so thats why i care about her so much i guess.

Im straight, shes bisexual. Not much to say about me except that i play guitar and im a bit messed up in the head from seeing what i had to when i was a 'child'. I try my damndest to work through it but it gets real hard sometimes. Im basically an orphan, my mother is dead and my father physically abused me and left me on the side of the road without so much as a word of goodbye. I live with my Great Aunt Carol, and i have for the past 7 years.

Im an amateur computer tech and an amateur guitarist. Pretty much an amateur everything. Senior in highschool and one of the most friendly people you can possibly meet xD. Im very open and honest about anything and everything. No question is too far, i get alot of questions about my life from people so ive gotten used to it. Some people shun me for it, others pitty, but most look past it and see who i am. Feel free to say hi, i wont bite.

[Update: 10/17/09 4:36pm -500gmt] First update since making this. Girlfriend left me yesterday, gave me the "It's not you it's me" story. I am now fully convinced that women are in fact, the devil. Honestly getting very sick of the way people treat me, have you ever given everything to someone? Told them everything, things you've never even wanted to relive? I did that, i told her about my entire life, growing up the way i did, being walked out on by every person i've ever cared for, being abused by my father. Yet, she still told me that my depression upset her and caused her to have depression, wich was one of the reasons she left me. Grades are slipping and if i do not pass every class then i do not graduate.

How do you go from having everything to nothing? God i need a cigarette..

[Update: 12/06/09 12:46am -500gmt] Lost myself, who i am, what i stand for. My grades are still slipping and i just cant find it in me to care about anything. Maybe im going nuts. I miss having a girl around to order me around. God, thats pathetic isnt it?
 
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maca

New member
You can call me Maca,

Im 38 years old been married once before. Loving Radiance is my wife of 10 years.We have 4 kids.We each have one from another relationship one together and one via a donor.We live in Alaska but are planning to spend the winters in the states and summers back up here.I love the outdoors, hunting, fishing and camping in the summers is what gets me through the winters.

5 years ago I caught my wife cheating on me.(before anyone gasps) She had her reasons and to be Radically Honest I was a major cause of it.We decided that we could get past this and move foward.

I was so miserable for the next 5 years,I knew she was continuing her affair and I felt so second rate.Finally on the 25 of Sept she came clean and told me she was poly and that she want to be open and honest about her feelings for this other man.I have found that the honesty has really taken away so much pain, I think all I really needed was her love me enough to be honest with me.

As it stands now I have accepted Her and I have opened up to a whole new world of what love can do.Im presently open to meeting aonther women ,not out looking but keeping my heart and mind open.

I have some anger and trust issues with my wife's other but I plan to talk to him this week and get it all out in the open.Hopefully Ill update this post to say that I have found a new friendship with him.Otherwise I dont see how any of us can truly be happy.Wish me luck:)
 

Tenshi

New member
Hello out there. I'm Tenshi. I'm 25, female, and an American living in Japan. I am pansexual. I was introduced to the idea of polyamory by the BDSM community. I saw people having happy, successful relationships with multiple people and it seemed so right for me.

I think that polyamory is something that not only is in line with my personal beliefs about love and relationships, but that a poly relationship would make me a very happy girl. I've always had problems with monogamous relationships because I am so close to so many people and I could never just be in love with or close to my partner. In some cases, this led to cheating (which I am still very sorry and ashamed about), and sometimes it just led to my partner being frustrated that I still loved other people as well. Because of all my frustrations, I decided to be "single" because it was the only way I could get away with having close romantic and/or sexual relationships with more than one person.

My situation is a bit messy right now. I've been putting a lot of energy into figuring out what exactly it is that I want and how to get there. I have been "single" for about a year and a half. I have still been close to my ex as well as a few other people. I have two very deep romantic (and sexual) relationships with men. They're very important to me. I love them both very much and I can't see giving either one up. They do know about one another (They had been friends in the past, but because of an argument, they are not now.) but the situation is a bit hush-hush. I'll call one P and the other K.

K knows about my relationship with P and with anyone else I have any sort of romantic/sexual closeness with. He's okay with everything. We've decided we'd like to try having a polyamorous relationship. I was actually very surprised how easygoing he is about all of it. Things have gone well between us and I think we could have a very happy poly relationship. Unfortunately, P is not so poly. He also hates K because of an argument. He does know that I spend time with K and that we've had a sexual relationship but any mention of K normally ends in a severe argument (we just can't seem to resolve this!) so I try not to bring him up.

I've been living here for a couple months and I'll be here until August unless I decide to stay longer (one year contracts), so I have some time to work things out but I'm also kind of lonely. My ideal situation would be to have both K and P as boyfriends as well as being able to continue to have my "sort of" girlfriend and an old dom of mine as lovers. I don't think this can happen but I intend to come out to P with my intentions to be poly and my desires soon. (
I have mentioned wanting to be poly before, so this won't be a huge shock.)

I just fear that our relationship will come to an end and I love him so much I couldn't stand that. On the other hand, I want to be able to live freely and honestly. I want to be happy even if it takes a lot of work and pain to get there.
 

andref64ca

New member
Hi from Montreal

I am ... A.

french-canadian, 45, recently divorce after 16 yrs of living together and 12 of these being married to a wonderful woman. Having discovered i was poly over 2.5 yrs ago thanks to another wonderful woman i met online who i'm happy to say she's now one of my loves.... my now ex-wife and i decided to part ways as frineds and she will be re-married soon to a wonderful man living in the UK.

I now have 2 wonderful loves in my life, my sweet R. from Washington DC and my darling D. in Montreal.

Be well
A.
 

ladyjools

New member
Im Jools

i am 25, I am a support worker i enjoy caring for people :) i love art and i write a lot of poetry. i am half way through training to be a person centred therapist :)

I have been with C for almost 6 years, we have been poly for nearly 3,

we had discussed an open relationship as a possibilty from the start, but skirted around it never doing anything through fear,
then i met M
i feel madly in love,
that was a disastor i cheated on C, i felt guilty and confessed, i did it again, he found out, we decided that we didn't want to break up and it was time to try open relationship as last ditch attempt to save our very fragile relationship,
M was as good as married so i was like a mistress for a year,
(this is not a good way to go about polyamoury!!!)

things ended with M

C and i took 6 months to heal our fragile relationship and decide where we wanted to go, we talked to friends who have been married for 13 years and who called themselfs polyamorous and we realised that this was the direction we needed to go,
we reserached, and we talked A LOT
and we decided to date
Chris met D, and I met A
then i fell pregnant, and A and I broke up,
at 4 months i lost our baby boy, :(

after somewhat healing from this loss i dated somemore but nobody could ever fill the hole that M had left, dispite the disastor of the relationship i had loved him, and so i decided to talk to C about possibility of having M as part of my life except this time not as an affair but out in the open,

i got back in touch with M who was in process of a break up
and we are now talking as friends, and i am working very hard with C to resolve the issues he has around the initial betrayal

and then
as if its not complicated enough
my friend sets me up on a date with a man that i met a year previous who i was attracted too but who i never approuched and something amazing happens
i fall madly in love, he meets C they get on, and now i realise i have these 2 amazing relationships with men that are loving, open minded and wonderful,
and my friendship with M continues so there is possibility that i may bring a third into my life, tentitivly,

unfortunatly C and his girlfriend D broke up after a year so at the moment we are like a V,

but to add more complication
i also have very very close female friend Y who we both care for and love deeply, this is more than a friendship but its not a relationship, its just love, something i can't explain, that both C and I feel for her,

and yaa
if you followed that then congrats
hell i can't even follow it myself

but the most important thing is at least 90 percent of time we are all happy!! so there is so much love around me and i realise how lucky i am, yes its hard work but its worth it,

Jools
 

polishguy

New member
Hi, I am Jason, though lots of people call me JT. I am 36 and I live in Montreal, Canada. I am very new the whole polyamory thing, having fallen madly in-love with a polyamorous woman who just moved to another city.

I am still dealing with my insecurities, though my love assures me I am doing exceptionally well with facing them.

As a positive, unrelated thing, I have lost around 20 lbs in roughly 2 months, by eating healthier and walking abour 35 minutes 5-6 times a week (go go getting healthy :D). It is a big achievement for me, which I am incredibly proud of!

Finally, I am always up for meeting new friends.
 

Legion

New member
I think I was on this forum a long time ago but can't remember my old log on info so created a new profile/handle.
I am 32/m/CA. I think I started being taught to be monogamous so I was trying but finally I had an "epiphany" moment and have been continuing to follow my heart ever since. I'm not sure if I'm technically "poly" or maybe something else, I'm just looking to do what feels right and build my ability to love and accept love.
I am currently casually dating 2 girls, one of whom has a husband she is NOT romantically involved with though they live together and a b/f with whom she IS romantically involved. L.'s b/f is open minded but not naturally poly so he's been going through some personal hell trying to deal w/ us dating. I have talked w/ him a bit and he's reasonable enough it's just rough on him.
My other romantic interest, B., is single and told me she likes to "sleep with one person at a time because otherwise it gets complicated." but I've been clear about being poly and she says she has no problem with it, I can do what I like.
I had another lover, Nyx, who recently broke up w/ me. It was about the 6th or so time she had gotten to the point of wanting our relationship to be over. All the other times I continued to talk with her, we worked our way over the rough spots and came out together on the other side. But just prior to the last break up I had a conversation with L's b/f in which I confessed some of my doubts and fears, one of which was that maybe Nyx shouldn't be with me, maybe I should just let her go instead of trying so hard to keep being involved with her, esp. when she obviously kept trying to get out of our relationship. Things hadn't changed. Well, not true. Things had changed, but somehow it wasn't enough and the next time she called she was quite lucid in her declaration and reasoning for not wanting to be with me, so I didn't argue, I just let her go and left her alone.

My situation now is that I am happy with my life, I think everything will work out fine one way or the other. I am a bit distraught sometimes being disconnected from my lover but she has her own path and wants to walk it without me, at least for the time being. I am here to interact with other people who may or may not be like me, and hopefully reveal some more of my truth in the process.

Those are my main and current loves. I have about a half a dozen other women in my life that I have various loves in my heart for, two are married monogamously, and as I mentioned before most of them are monogamous, whether married or not. I sometimes think of love as a seed or a plant and that we can help it grow or let it wither. I wrote a poem for one of my loves, which I never gave her. It's sort of unfinished...because it's a poem about beginnings it has no middle or end to itself. Let me see if I can find it....here it is:

A seed was planted
I don't know when
maybe the first time I saw you

or maybe it was always there
waiting for me to see you
 
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rosevett

New member
A quick glimpse at me/us

Well we have such a life story and it's been said many times over but I love sharing our success as I am the happiest persons I know, simple because I have come to OWN my identity even though others think it might be unique it's just standard for me and I LOVE IT.

Why Poly? ? cuz it's an interesting WORD and so many variations ~ honestly because I see no sense in not continuing to love someone that is dear to your heart just because you are only allowed ONE.

Sexual Status: (is this really important? No idea but figure it's
part of any `profile') YEP

Age: over 40 and wouldn't change a thing

Location: Central NY an hour from ANYWHERE more precisely Middlesex


Status:
Currently my relationship configuration(aka FAMILY) is something of a
chain: Karen's friend(s), Karen, Richard(our b/f), ME, and Martin (my b/f)

Family:[/B]
I don't have an ideal configuration as long as everyone is open and
comfortable with who is with who and there is love, caring, honesty and
communication we are all good. Right now with our existing family I'm hoping for no changes however life happens which in my experience brings about change. Hopefully we will be open to possibilities.


Narrative:
Since I could remember when people would discuss the fact that so and so was seeing another person or I would catch drift of a `key party' and since I spent lots of time at my friend's house (whose parents we very open) I never understood why someone could get so worked up about loving/caring about other people.

In general, my relationship experiences proved to be serial monogamy with a side of cheating. There were a couple times before my great epiphany that I almost lived and learned what Polyamory(open) relationships were. One being when I was told `Your partner is cheating on you' I was more pissed that he didn't tell me about it then the fact that he was seeing someone else ? that I actually didn't mind, but at the time of that particular event I didn't have the resources or knowledge I do now, so asically just ignored the accusation.

Again without reliable resources or a good handle on who I personally was it was nearly impossible for me to LIVE and LOVE as such. The first time a partner said to me, without one iota of jealousy or anger, `you still love him' was the moment that I decided I needed to find a viable and realistic
way to love more then one openly. This was still a long process and a few others to
the wayside that said they understood me but couldn't live/love me as I was.

I have finally found others that connected with me and that I cared about deeply ? of course we have progressed through our relationship and have gone through various steps/stages in each of these relationships individually and collectively. As mentioned above we consist of myself, Richard(life partner of 5 years) & Martin(partner of over 2 yrs)and our newest member Karen(R's g/f).

I feel we are some of the lucky few, from what I can tell, that started out with a 'clean slate' so to speak.

Richard entered my life(or visa versa) with the knowledge that I could never be a monogamous person. My heart would always belong to many and with that most likely other parts of my body and being. We worked on the labels, our communication and our opposite personalities together creating a very loving bond. We grew to love each other as husband and wife and live as such. We started out in the swingers community mostly because it was the easiest community to find and it is exciting and FUN(them there people can throw a party). We worked on both avenues of `lifestyles' trying to figure out what we were REALLY looking for and came to a mutual agreement and I believe BIG sigh of relief to know that we were truly wanting Polyamorous lives.

Martin joined us over two years ago, from a 'sowing your oats' agenda, he knew in his heart that one could love more then one at a time but wasn't sure if it was a lifestyle he would be willing to live in such a manner. We grew closer, he and Richard are close and I keep reading in AW at how much our dynamics match those of Mono & family.

The three of us are living in the same home with my adult children and it has been a wonderful transition without any noticable glitches.

Karen found US via Richard online and says it is so great being with people that already GET IT.

We spend much time together as family and there have been alot of collaberation for cooperation so everyone gets time to share and enjoy unique dynamics.

Karen & I attended this years poly conference together and became members of the Polyamory Leadership Network, spend time perusing and sharing on the internet, and living daily as poly. We have noticed there is more Poly in the media everyday and are hoping to be part of the voices that create the Culture that does not see Poly as different. I know I am keeping an eye out on open opportunities to share our lifestyle without 'coming out' and found that it is amazing how people just accept it since I do not come across as a power hungry activist that wants to MAKE everyone do poly since it's the best choice. I'm just the friend next door that has an extra boyfriend.

Our next big step was a BIG family weekends was a mini cohabitation and cooperations as we spent a long weekend at a music festival as volunteers in a mini tent village. There were camp cooks, engineers(to pitch camp and keep out the rain), social director & shared child care. It was a huge job and bigger for some then others and adjustments will be made for the next outing but all in all it was amazing how much of a well oiled machine we were - you would have thought we had been doing it TOGETHER for years.

Our most current celebration was the anniversary that Karen has been with us, she and Richard took a mini vacation and as she has four children to care for Martin & I became built in sitters. Talk about an action packed weekend and to top it off after K&R returned we did a small imprompt ceremony and exchanged like rings for all to wear as a symbol for our commitment to each other and the family.

We all have children ranging from 10 ? 20something ? and grandchildren ? the majority of the families know to some degree or another of our family dynamics and it's pretty much a non-issue. The younger children seem to really understand that we are all family and care for them as such and miss any of us that are not there at any given time. Unfortunatly Karen & the children live an hour away and we do not see them as often as we would all like and since they are the newest addition to the family due to circumstances we will not be surprised to an additional fully committed adult to the family in the near future; again not a LOOKING for but 'sure it'll happen' thing(if that makes sense)

For me things have been going great, don't get me wrong there are always some issue to deal with but we are typically right on top of it to deal with it and get it out of the way ? 'why spend valuable loving time on matters that are easily fixed.'
 

LadyMacbeth

New member
My husband of 17 years, Macbeth, and I live in the Pacific Northwest. We began our venture into poly a few months ago. We have an 11 year old daughter. I am a mental health professional in private practice and my husband is an actor/stay at home dad. We are deeply in love and had been discussing opening our relationship "in jest" for several years. In early August this year, we had the first talk without adding the "just kidding."

Shortly thereafter I began dating a good friend in our social circle, and we have developed a wonderful loving relationship. He is monogomous and rather confused by the poly concept. He simply sees himself as someone who is in love with me, and grateful that my husband accepts our love for each other. My husband has a wonderful girlfriend who is poly. We have had one short gathering including me, my boyfriend SC, my husband, his girlfriend JH, and her boyfriend B. We have the makings of a wonderful tribe.

We never imagined how wonderful adding new loves would enrich our lives, and are so grateful that we stopped the "joking" and started on the path.
 

indigo

New member
Hey all-

I'm Indigo here but IndigosChild nearly everywhere else. Sometimes I'm called mom, other times I'm hon or sweetie but have yet to be called 'second' or wifey but that's really, really cute. I am in fact married and have been for 16 of my 36 years...quick math, yes, I was young. You could call me impetuous but it seems to have worked out so far.

We've burned it down and re-built the whole thing several times in our nearly 20 years together and hope to so it a few more times before we're finished. There have been different types of relationships over the years and all have been truly amazing experiences with really quality people, almost all of whom we are still in touch with in one way or another (gotta love facebook!)

I've always been poly...fell so completely head over heels in high school that I *still* dream about her and as another here wrote, am still in love with who she was when I knew her. So, head over heels and I *still* slept with boys on the side. It caused problems. I fell in love and married the guy I *knew* was perfect for me but we were babies and tried so hard to be 'good' and conform to what we had been brought up to believe was virtuous, satisfying monogamy. But it never fit.

For now I (mostly) date single guys, they know I'm poly and have varying degrees of comfort with it. I have yet to include one of my otherloves into my primary family because A) I don't like messy drama and B) I have kids at home, but the ones I've been truly close to have come to the house as 'friends.' My husband's girlfriend *nearly* spent the night here a few weeks ago (I have yet to meet this one) and I felt only excitement and welcome; he's amazing and anyone he spends time with is usually amazing, too. So yeah, I'd be happy in a tribe, given the right mix of people.

I love reading all your posts! What a creative, open and giving bunch you all are! And it occurs to me that we've been engaging on 'poly-lite'...no live ins, no alphabet-shaped relationships...just lots of fun and terrific, athletic, um, fun-ness. My otherlove and my husband and HIS otherlove will all be attending a party together soon and my biggest concern is who's going to be the designated driver, I don't expect any jealousy or insecurity. I have in the past dated pretty vanilla guys who would be sooner tarred and feathered than be in a 'gasp' poly relationship, but I'm more or less over that now (with one notable exception. So sue me, I'm not perfect.)

Thank you all for opening yourselves up here; this long-time libertine still has much to learn.
 

constlady

New member
constlady

I guess it's about time I got around to introducing myself ;)

Who Are You?
I'm constlady/Karen, a bi/poly/parent/friend/lover, currently 45 years old and raising 4 grandchildren ranging in ages from 2 1/2 to 11. I have 3 grown kids and also managed to raise a cousin in there as well. Believe it or not, I never wanted a big family!

Along with Elaine, Richard and Martin and their assorted offspring, I'm a member of one of the most amazing polyfamilies around, if we do say so ourselves.

Why Are You Here?
There are several reasons I'm here. One is that I truly enjoy hanging out with others who understand my lovestyle. There's something synergistic about being with people who share the ideals of polyamory, even though the specifics of relationship styles may be different.

I'm also here to learn and continue to grow on my own path. Experiences that you have had may turn out to offer me something valuable for my own walk and I look forward to reading about them.

Conversely, I'd sure like to help others out on their journey as well.
Poly resources were pretty slim when I first discovered the term. I was lucky enough to fall in with folks who had experiences to share and the willingness to share them.
It certainly made figuring out what I did and didn't want in a poly life a whole lot easier.
Being a bit of a poly-activist is in part my way of "paying it forward."

What Do You Want?
Unconditional love and eternal happiness of course.

But along the way to that ultimate goal, I'd like to see the stigma removed from polyamory (and all other non-traditional forms of relationships), I'd like to not have to worry that because my boyfriend has another girlfriend I could lose custody of the kids who need me, I'd like to see a more accepting and tolerant society where whatever form of love works for each individual is considered the norm.

Oh, and I'd like to win the lottery so we can build an enormous house for all of us and hire a live-in nanny I suppose for that to happen I'd actually have to start buying tickets though, huh?

My Poly Story
The beginning of my ventures into poly goes back about 10 years, to my last marriage.

My initial foray was seeking the ever popular Unicorn. We of course didn't find the elusive creature and after the marriage dissolved for other reasons, I began learning about Polyamory in earnest.

I spent some time in a Network configuration with 3 men whom I referred to as my Mind, Body and Soul connections. All were aware of each others' presence in my life but only one was really comfortable with the idea; the other two preferred a more Don't Ask/Don't Tell style.
Since that wasn't really my vision of poly for myself and because it became clear that there were commitment issues with both of them, the Network gradually ended though I maintain close friendships with all 3 of them.

I guess that's why poly draws me. I have never been able to stop loving someone once I started, even if the form of the relationship changed. It never made sense to me that you were supposed to hate your ex when just yesterday you claimed to love them.
I never really got the whole jealousy thing either. As long as someone wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with them, whatever interactions happened with others just didn't impact me the way it seemed to impact most of my friends.

I've had some other experiences with different configurations, some that turned out not to be quite what they seemed to be but none of which I regret.
Along the way, I reconnected with a long time soulmate who will always be a vital part of my life; though our relationship isn't physical, the love is tangible for sure.

Then a year ago I met Richard via OkCupid. I was mostly interested at first in simply meeting this fairly local poly guy - where I live, local and poly simply don't exist - but after our first date I was hooked.
And on our second date, he took me home to meet the rest of the family and the rest, as they say, is history.

I love the way my youngest daughter describes our relationship to her friends:
My mom's boyfriend has another girlfriend who has another boyfriend and they all hang out together.

We really do have the smoothest running polyfamily I've ever encountered and much of the credit for that goes to the ground work done by Elaine and Richard prior to the rest of us entering into the picture. I like to tell Elaine that I feel like I am just riding on her coat tails, since she did all the hard stuff and I just get to reap the benefits.

My life has taken some unexpected turns lately and plans to move in with the rest of the family are on hold for a bit. But the times we spend together are amazing and the love and support that I get from them all sustain me in ways I don't even think they realize.

Other Interests
These days I don't have much time to pursue any of my other interests but they include reading, playing my 12 string guitar badly, surfing the net, gathering with family and friends for fun times that usually include great food and drink, attending various school and sporting events for the kids and something I haven't managed to indulge at all this summer - beach time.
Maybe next year *sigh*
 

bookworm

New member
Bookworm

Hi, I am 38 years old worman and in a very complicated relationship. I have 2 bf, my primary is considerably older, and married making me his secondary. My secondary is 40 and is bi. I am his primary and he has a guy that he sees occasionally. I am also bi curious and have been talking to a very nice woman that unfortunately is a couple of hours away. Not sure how that is gonna work out yet. I have been in this type of relationship for quite some time. The first bf for 6 years and the 2nd for 3 years. I was married twice before and not really sure if I want to do that again. (I'll keep you posted about that) I have 2 girls from the first marriage, that are nearly grown and have some idea about my lifestyle, just not that I am bi curious.
I find myself wondering if I am gonna continue this complicated way of life. I know that it must work on some level bc its continued for so long. My secondary loves the fact that I have another, it is definitely a turn on for him. And wants me to always have another even if/when my other relationship ends. I can't help but think that its inevitable that it will end eventually. If nothing else because of the age difference. I love them both and don't want to be w/o either of them. But at times it is exhausting dealing with so many angles.
Anyway, its nice to finally know that there are more ppl out there like us. I don't feel so alone now.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Hi, I'm Magdlyn, my friends call me Mags. I am cribbing some things here from my intro thread.

I am pansexual, poly and 54 yrs old. I'm an artist, sometimes florist. I also volunteer as a lactation specialist for an international organization, which has been a huge part of my life for over 20 years. I have 3 adult kids, 23, 21 and 18.

I've been practicing polyamory seriously since January, but have had an interest in it for a long time. I am separated from my husband for one year. We just sold our house last month. He had moved out in Sept 08. Now I am in my own apt.

We experimented w opening our relationship w another woman about 10 yrs ago (soon after my h *finally* accepted my bisexuality!). It was supposed to be a 3way. I guess we were hunting unicorns. It was rather disastrous, as their NRE drove me crazy. They declared they were soul mates. My h neglected my needs. I made them break it off as lovers, but said they could remain friends. Long story short... As of this summer, she's now living w him. It's fine, she's welcome to him w his issues. We'd grown apart anyway.

In January I met my (transgendered) gf, m, on okc right after i joined there... she's 32. I adore her! She's been poly all her life and is quite cool with me seeing and having sex w others. Due to rebounding from her former relationship, and our NRE, she didnt start chatting with or seeing others til just recently. And now I've got my jealousy and fear to deal with.

M met a local guy, A, on okc and has had 3 dates. It's been difficult for me b/c she seems to not meet my needs for security around this each time she has a date.

I've met and dated about 12 ppl beside her this year. Each time I made sure to let her know his/her name, address and what time I'd be home. And when we do reconnect I make sure to give her lots of snuggles and attention afterward. (Btw, 3 or 4 of these men I've dated are still in my life to one extent or another.)

However, on m's first date with A, I was here at her place while she was getting ready. She was distant from me emotionally while doing this, but that was OK, she was nervous. It became a 5 hr lunch date and what sucked was, she was also distant when she got home. Then she just started bubbling over about how great he was.

Next date, one week later, she made it w/o checking w me first. Unfortunately it was for the following night, Halloween, and I had thought we'd be together, Saturday night as it was.

So, that day sucked. I stayed at my apt and was v lonely and depressed. The next morning i went to her place and she hadnt come home. The new guy lives closeby in Cambridge but she'd missed the last bus home. Theyre only abt 2 miles apart.

Then i realized I still didnt know his full name and address. Well, she came home about a half hr later, 11:30. I didnt know she'd missed the last bus, just knew she was out walking the streets on Halloween alone and that was a bit disturbing.

Well, so we made up again. She'd spent the night in his guest room (he's a married man, bi, married to another man, M is his first woman). Theyd made out but didnt have sex, her choice.

Next date, just 11 days after that one. I live 20 miles away from her, so its nerve wracking knowing new guy is so much closer. This time he was coming to her place, midweek. Well, she invited him to stay over! I admit I wasnt real cool with all this sleeping over stuff, 14 hr dates, so early in their relationship.

This time they were even more intimate and slept together all night.

Well. A day or 2 later her friend emailed her to say his husband wasnt cool w the sleeping over stuff either. That was a relief.

So, anyway, I have been trained in responsive listening for my breastfeeding counseling job, our communication skills are ok. She's not had such a good communicator as a partner before. Shes been poly all her life, but is kinda so relaxed about it, it's hard on me. I felt she wasnt meeting my needs and told her how that felt and she's been very sweet and caring about it. But its tough bc each time she has a date, she hurts me in a way we hadnt prepared for.

Edit:

We just spent several days together. We talked it all out. I made my needs clear... she was very attentive and loving and affectionate all weekend. Her new bf, A, has heard all about me. He also saw my artwork scattered around her house and is eager to meet me. He goes out of town on business a lot, but the next time he's home, he wants us all to meet and do something together. :) A couple weeks ago, M (my gf) had also met another of my lovers for the first time. So, we are making progress in this "family" thing. It really trips me out!

Edit: I met m's friend A on Yule. He came her w a new bf of his and we had a little ritual and dinner. I was amazed, I was not jealous at all, even tho the 2 men and m sat on the couch and I sat on a chair, for dinner and chat afterwards. It just felt like all friends together.

Oddly even tho I was prepared for things to progress, m hasnt been in the mood to date others since then. She is job hunting and nearly broke and just doesnt have the energy, I guess. So, that's all on hold for now. I feel sort of bad for A!

Meanwhile, m and I will celebrated our one yr anniversary on Jan 31!

Also meanwhile, I still see my 21 yo boytoy about once a month for a booty call (we've been a thing since last March). And a couple wks ago I met a 31 yr old guy on okc, with whom I have had 3 dates! We go out to dinner and movies, it's like almost an actual boyfriend. I have a big crush on him, I hope we continue to progress. We have already planned our 4th date, but not set a day yet... soon, I hope. :) He is super cute, nice, quiet, smart, into films and music, and gainfully employed as a plumber in his mom's business. On our 3rd date, after the movie, i had him back to my apt and he slept over... I made him breakfast in the morning and get this: he did the dishes afterward! He's a keeper just for that, as a friend told me. lol
 
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vampiresscammy

New member
Heyla, I'm Vampiresscammy or VC or Cammy if you like, lets see, where to start?

I'm 32, bi and poly. married to J (hes 38), and have a hubby of heart DS(hes about 45). they both know about one another and are happy with our arrangement.

J and I been married for 13 years. met DS bout 10 years ago, we were friends at first, but it grew to more very quickly and I told J about everythign as it happened. DS and I met online, talked online for several months or possibly a year before meeting in person. I was madly in love before we met.

It was very confusing, I'd never heard of poly, so had no idea what exactly was happening and did not want to hurt either of them. we talked alot and basically my heart won, and they both let me keep them. I've been with them both ever since. Tho, I should point out 2 important things, 1) DS and I have never been intimate beyond making out, and 2) DS lives in Pennsylvania and we've only met in person 3 times. I realize for many folks this sounds odd if not ludicrous, but it works for us. J is my primary, I live with him and DS is my secondary if you must call him that, it works for us.

Also, DS and I had a lady love M(she was about 43), I met her the second time I met him and fell head over heels for her as well. M and I were both DS secondary's in that we were both married and lived with our husbands and he was at first on his own. It worked for us all, M's hubby knew, my hubby knew and DS knew all about them. We had about 5 years together, then DS met his primary A(she is 32 also). things got a little complicated and confusing for a tiny bit but it seemed to be getting better. I got a chance to see DS and M in person again in 2005, it was the only time M and I were together intimately. M got progressively sick after that, depression and her body simply winding down and she passed away in 2007.

DS and A were together til just recently, so I worry about him. J and I are still together doing good. and DS and I are good as secondary's to each other. I don't know what happened to A, her and I don't talk much, but her and DS are still good friends.

I am really hoping either DS and A get back together or he fins someone new to be his primary. he never complains, but i worry. so for know its just J and I and DS and I. I miss M terribly, and i miss simply being that close to a woman, but can't bring myself to let any female that close to me just yet.

Now, just withint the past month J's old friend R came back into our life. He was an old childhood friend of J's. when we first got together we tried to be friends to him and his wife. it didnt work, we all stopped talking. then J met R again a couples years back, we figrued we'd try again, still didnt work. it seems R' s wife really didnt liek me and couldnt get over me being involved, I tried bowing out, letting J and R hang out, it didnt work. they lost touch again, til just recently.

way back in the day, I actually met R first, just in passing. J and I got together and I met R again, got to know him. more I got to know him, more I fell for him. have tried over the years to make it go away, its not working. J knows all about it, he doesnt mind, so no worry there, but I dont want to admit it and make R go away again. this time, R is divorced now, so its less deterant in my way. I really dont't think i'm R's type, and hes never at any point gave me any hint of returning my interest, so i really just wanna make my heart shut up and stop this before I make an idiot out of myself and make R stop talking to J or somehting cause i'm not hiding it well.

currently confused and hoping it all turns out well.
 

Bowvine

New member
Hey Yall, I'm 27 male and from Northern California. I play guitar, piano, write songs and words, disc golf, mountain bike, read, play video games and love exploring abandoned buildings. I'm an addict in recovery having just surpassed 18 months sober. I live in a small town so I have many unfinished projects to keep me busy, as well as a not quite 1 year old fox terrier named Iggy.

I'm the primary partner of a poly woman. I've had no experience with the poly lifestyle until about a year after I was with my partner. I've always been monogamist and many of my relationships breed distrust and resentments because of a lack of openness and communication. My current relationship was a mono one until this past april '09 but my partner didn't really start seeing someone seriously until August or so. On first glance I thought, oh hell no, I won't let someone take MY partner away from me. But after doing much reading and soul searching, I decided to give this a go. Intellectually I can get behind the poly lifestyle 100%. Emotionally, it is not so easy and that is where my current struggles come from. I have decided that my desire to be with my partner outweighs my desire for a conventional relationship, which is what brought me here, to seek out answers and perspective. This site has done wonders in assisting my growth as a person.

I am currently dealing with shifting from a life of monogamy to one of polyamory and everything that comes with it. My partner feels she has been poly her whole life just has not been able to label it until she read "The Ethical Slut". Not to tell her story, but she comes from a marriage where there is no sexual interest in each other. She lives with her separated husband and their daughter. I am friends with her husband and I love her daughter like I never thought I could love a child. That's a whole nother story.

Issues that are currently hot are articulation of what She and I need in order to feel loved and respected in this relationship. Rules vs. Spontaneity. And communication in a non-violent manner. I'm not talking about punches and kicks, but more of a NVC kind of way that is non confrontational for my default reaction to feelings of discomfort are to get angry and lash out verbally then retreat into myself and isolate. I'm working on breaking this unhealthy pattern.
 
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