Poly as lifestyle

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Gingerbredman

New member
Hi,
I am 44 hetero cisgender male and my wife is 37 bi (mostly unexplored) cisgender. She recently discovered that she is poly by orientation. I have been trying to learn and integrate as much about this world of poly so I can understand her coming out to the best of my ability. Of course I can never keep up with her natural understanding because I don’t see myself as poly by orientation. So there has been a divide. I joined polyamory.com to be able to find someone I can talk with who may have gone through what I am and can help guide me through some of the toughest parts of changing our relationship paradigm. I’m eagerly reading posts and would really like someone I could sit face to face with (typing and reading takes time I don’t always have). Looking forward to becoming a part of this community as it seems very supportive and understanding of all types of problems.
 
Welcome!
It sounds like you’re approaching this with a lot of care and openness, which is really important. It can definitely feel challenging to navigate polyamory when it’s not your orientation, but your willingness to learn and support your wife is a strong foundation.
Many partners in your situation find that connecting with others who have been through similar experiences is incredibly helpfu, both online and in person if possible. Even just having someone to talk to about feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or confusion can make a huge difference. Also, remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and move at a pace that feels manageable for you.

Reading, asking questions, and joining discussions like this is a great start. You might also consider looking for local polyamory meetups or support group, sometimes hearing stories in person helps more than reading can.

You’re not alone in feeling this way, and your curiosity and empathy already show that you’re taking positive steps. Looking forward to seeing you around the community!
 
Greetings Gingerbredman,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a mono/poly situation, you are the mono and she is a poly. This type of thing is done, and people do make it work, but it is challenging. It helps a lot that you are learning as much as you can about poly. Keep doing that. Also don't hesitate to use Polyamory.com as a place to vent, we are good at providing a listening ear. Hopefully your wife will take things slow, and give you a chance to catch up.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks Kevin! She has been restraining herself as much as she can. The rocket ship that Jessica Fern talks about is definitely applicable to her. She is learning about boundaries and what it means for someone who is not poly by orientation. Some mistakes have been made but they were not done in malice. I’m sure in time and with some more reading and professional help I can branch out and find another person that I can connect with.
 
That sounds good, keep making progress little by little.
 
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