Warning: long post. I have a lot on my mind and I'm not sure what to do.
Hi, everyone. I am new to polyamory and this forum. My boyfriend (although I consider him more) has given me this site to see if I can find answers in establishing the poly relationship that he desires.
Here's my situation. About this time last year, I was married to Bart. Then I met Noah, my current bf. He was also married, but in a poly relationship (or so it seemed) with his wife Belle. He also had another woman, Lisanne, that he was dating at that time.
Lo and behold, I came into his existence. He helped me realize how unhappy I was with my marriage to Bart, and pretty much proposed I move in with him and Belle when Bart left me.
Unfortunately, about the same time that Bart left me, Belle decided she could no longer be a part of Noah's poly life. Lisanne also decided she did not like me as part of the picture, and she left him too. This left us as two, Bart and me. He enjoyed our connection. It was a strong bond (until now).
About a month later, I found out I was pregnant. He had some trouble with this, as I was not supposed to get pregnant. (I have PCOS.) Also, he did not want kids. He made some adjustments and decided we could still be together. We moved in together in January.
During the pregnancy, being as emotional as I was, Bart and I really weren't seeking anyone else. We were both in the process of divorce. This has been quite the emotional trainwreck for both of us. A few weeks before the birth of my baby girl, Bart started getting restless and wanted more. He couldn't find anyone, until now.
As I am new to the concept of poly, I was not sure I could handle the jealousy that might arise. I was ok with the setup at the beginning. Now, here I am feeling like the startup to something that he wants eventually. Ideally, he would like several partners for himself, with two live-in partners for him, and someone else for me, too.
I am so lost and confused. Within the past month, he was invited to take part in a swingers video. I asked to watch him during this time and was given permission by the photographer. During that time, I found it intriguing and fun. I felt this was something that could continue. But maybe that was the problem. It was just sex, no emotional connection.
At that video session, I found another gentleman simply gorgeous. He seemed interested in me as well, but we did not talk about meeting up. After I told Noah about this as we were leaving, he was very interested in setting something up almost immediately. He wants me to be involved with others. But I was sensing that this would be more of a casual playtime for me/us, which I haven't done before. I don't believe I am looking for any secondary relationships at this time. But if something were to develop from it, I would definitely give it a try.
In the past week, all the complications set in. Noah has found another interest (Maeve). He started by talking to her on a dating site. They seemed to have a lot in common and decided to meet up. Unfortunately, I was told about this the night before their date. I felt betrayed, as he did not tell me about her before. That same night, while talking about his proposed date, he told me that he'd invited her to come over the next evening to meet me,and to see where both of our relationships would go.
Needless to say, I freaked out!
I told him I was not ready for him to have those kind of feelings for another woman. I had figured we were in this together, and would meet potentials as a couple, and let it fan out from there. We talked about things the next day and seemed to have found middle ground.
The next day, after meeting Noah's potential Maeve, we had set up the date with the guy (Artie) from the video session. Things went great! I was seeing that something might take place and was interested in proceeding. It was a good night.
The next morning, we decided we needed some time for us. However, during this "us" time, he got a call from Maeve, and immediately set up a date with her for that evening without talking to me. I was crushed. He didn't talk to me about it until afterwards and I was starting to feel left out. When he came home that evening, he confessed he made out with her. Now I definitely feel left out, in that he did not tell me anything of the sort would have happened. He knew I was hurt that he set up that meeting without letting me know beforehand, and yet he kissed her that same night.
I'm almost to the point of moving out. He says I'm not ready. I feel like I would like to experience this still, but I need that full communication as to when he has meetups and what may happen at the beginning. I'm hurt at the moment. He wants to proceed very quickly in this area, and I am a beginner. I'm feeling jeaousy and insecurities.
Maeve was nice enough, but I don't see us becoming great friends.
Also, I made a big slipup tonight. I told my mom about the type of relationship we are in. She flipped out and told me she never wanted to see Noah again, that he is no longer welcome in her home. He is the father of my baby girl. I can't take this!
What do I do? It's evening and I think he wants me moved out tomorrow. Is it better that way, since I can not be at the level he needs me to be at? How do I proceed with my parents not wanting him at their house when he is the father of their grandchild? HELP!! I don't want this to be the end.
Hi, everyone. I am new to polyamory and this forum. My boyfriend (although I consider him more) has given me this site to see if I can find answers in establishing the poly relationship that he desires.
Here's my situation. About this time last year, I was married to Bart. Then I met Noah, my current bf. He was also married, but in a poly relationship (or so it seemed) with his wife Belle. He also had another woman, Lisanne, that he was dating at that time.
Lo and behold, I came into his existence. He helped me realize how unhappy I was with my marriage to Bart, and pretty much proposed I move in with him and Belle when Bart left me.
Unfortunately, about the same time that Bart left me, Belle decided she could no longer be a part of Noah's poly life. Lisanne also decided she did not like me as part of the picture, and she left him too. This left us as two, Bart and me. He enjoyed our connection. It was a strong bond (until now).
About a month later, I found out I was pregnant. He had some trouble with this, as I was not supposed to get pregnant. (I have PCOS.) Also, he did not want kids. He made some adjustments and decided we could still be together. We moved in together in January.
During the pregnancy, being as emotional as I was, Bart and I really weren't seeking anyone else. We were both in the process of divorce. This has been quite the emotional trainwreck for both of us. A few weeks before the birth of my baby girl, Bart started getting restless and wanted more. He couldn't find anyone, until now.
As I am new to the concept of poly, I was not sure I could handle the jealousy that might arise. I was ok with the setup at the beginning. Now, here I am feeling like the startup to something that he wants eventually. Ideally, he would like several partners for himself, with two live-in partners for him, and someone else for me, too.
I am so lost and confused. Within the past month, he was invited to take part in a swingers video. I asked to watch him during this time and was given permission by the photographer. During that time, I found it intriguing and fun. I felt this was something that could continue. But maybe that was the problem. It was just sex, no emotional connection.
At that video session, I found another gentleman simply gorgeous. He seemed interested in me as well, but we did not talk about meeting up. After I told Noah about this as we were leaving, he was very interested in setting something up almost immediately. He wants me to be involved with others. But I was sensing that this would be more of a casual playtime for me/us, which I haven't done before. I don't believe I am looking for any secondary relationships at this time. But if something were to develop from it, I would definitely give it a try.
In the past week, all the complications set in. Noah has found another interest (Maeve). He started by talking to her on a dating site. They seemed to have a lot in common and decided to meet up. Unfortunately, I was told about this the night before their date. I felt betrayed, as he did not tell me about her before. That same night, while talking about his proposed date, he told me that he'd invited her to come over the next evening to meet me,and to see where both of our relationships would go.
Needless to say, I freaked out!
I told him I was not ready for him to have those kind of feelings for another woman. I had figured we were in this together, and would meet potentials as a couple, and let it fan out from there. We talked about things the next day and seemed to have found middle ground.The next day, after meeting Noah's potential Maeve, we had set up the date with the guy (Artie) from the video session. Things went great!
I was seeing that something might take place and was interested in proceeding. It was a good night.The next morning, we decided we needed some time for us. However, during this "us" time, he got a call from Maeve, and immediately set up a date with her for that evening without talking to me. I was crushed.
He didn't talk to me about it until afterwards and I was starting to feel left out. When he came home that evening, he confessed he made out with her. Now I definitely feel left out, in that he did not tell me anything of the sort would have happened. He knew I was hurt that he set up that meeting without letting me know beforehand, and yet he kissed her that same night.I'm almost to the point of moving out. He says I'm not ready. I feel like I would like to experience this still, but I need that full communication as to when he has meetups and what may happen at the beginning. I'm hurt at the moment. He wants to proceed very quickly in this area, and I am a beginner. I'm feeling jeaousy and insecurities.
Maeve was nice enough, but I don't see us becoming great friends.
Also, I made a big slipup tonight. I told my mom about the type of relationship we are in. She flipped out and told me she never wanted to see Noah again, that he is no longer welcome in her home. He is the father of my baby girl. I can't take this!
What do I do? It's evening and I think he wants me moved out tomorrow. Is it better that way, since I can not be at the level he needs me to be at? How do I proceed with my parents not wanting him at their house when he is the father of their grandchild? HELP!! I don't want this to be the end.
