Poly: Choice or Predisposition?

Tiberius

New member
Yes, I am adding reality. People are covetous, needy, greedy, and jealous.

Some people are even unreasonable.

Well, I obviously can't speak for others, but I have never felt jealous that my friends have other friends of their own. I can't imagine any emotionally healthy person would feel threatened. "Wait, you mean, you are friends with people OTHER than me? Oh geez, I'm not sure how I feel about this." Granted, there are circumstances where jealousy could be an issue, but I can't imagine how that jealousy would stem from the simple fact of having other friends. Maybe spending all your time with some friends while ignoring others, yes, but that situation doesn't follow from what I said.

Exactly! So you admit there are people like that, but you choose not to be friends with them.

If there are people like that, I've certainly never met them. But no, I wouldn't want to be friends with them.

Well, lucky you. Someone got tricked into being their friend, and then what? Drop them?

If you realise that someone who you consider a friend is abusing you (and telling you that you can't have any other friends would count, I think), then yes, you should no longer be friends with them as it's a harmful relationship.

That's what people keep saying, but that's not what I see. I see people having rich, multiple, simultaneous relationships all the time.

I was talking specifically about romantic relationships. It is not common to see a person who is in several romantic relationships at one time. And people who are tend to hide that fact because it doesn't meet society's norms.

What we don't have is a society that allows us to grace the word 'marriage' or 'couple' to them. Heck, we don't even regularly allow two men or two women to be a couple, yet.

In a perfect world we would. Alas we do not live in such a world.

How many threads have you ignored on this board? Emotionally mature adults are rare!

I've only been here a few days! Give me a chance! I'll ignore them as soon as I can! :p

I don't need to because your financial situation is irrelevant. You asked why you shouldn't, and if you can't afford to, you shouldn't.

The reverse is true; if you can afford to, you can.

Also irrelevant. You clearly said 'Follow my heart'. You never said anything about how many partners you have. I created a situation where you shouldn't necessarily follow your heart.

Nope, I assume nothing. I assume that N is a number greater than 1 and that eventually you hit a value large enough where what I say is true. For me it might be 2, for you it might be 20, but at some point N is going to be true.

... <<snip for later>>

I don't need to. You put out a hypothetical, I responded in like. Again, N isn't bounded. It might be you can deal with 4, but not 20, so set N=20 and my point is still true.

Sorry about this... As I said before, I was talking about myself, not really a true hypothetical.

You don't get to choose how inconsiderate other people are.

This is true, and unfortunately there are many inconsiderate people out there. But while I can't choose how inconsiderate others are, I can choose whether they are in my life or not.
 

SchrodingersCat

Active member
Yes, I am adding reality. People are covetous, needy, greedy, and jealous.

My, what a depressing and pessimistic outlook. What kinds of people are you hanging out with? I'm happy to report that my experience is the opposite.

I will note that governments and corporations try to make us believe we are these things because it makes us easier to manipulate, and that some people are easily swayed by propaganda, but I find most humans to be generous and considerate by nature.

Greed is the product of perceived scarcity. Society will have you believe that love is finite and thus must be coveted and protected. This, of course, is ridiculous. While time and resources are finite, it's usually not time and resources that trigger jealousy about but rather the mere existence of feelings for other people.
 

RichardInTN

Member
My, what a depressing and pessimistic outlook. What kinds of people are you hanging out with? I'm happy to report that my experience is the opposite.

I will note that governments and corporations try to make us believe we are these things because it makes us easier to manipulate, and that some people are easily swayed by propaganda, but I find most humans to be generous and considerate by nature.

Greed is the product of perceived scarcity. Society will have you believe that love is finite and thus must be coveted and protected. This, of course, is ridiculous. While time and resources are finite, it's usually not time and resources that trigger jealousy about but rather the mere existence of feelings for other people.
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kdt26417

Official Greeter
Re (from OP):
"From your personal experiences, do you believe that you were born poly or do you think that poly is a life choice that you conciously made?"

Genetically speaking, I see myself as having been born neither particularly monogamous nor polyamorous. I was certainly taught/conditioned to be monogamous. Later in my life, I came to question many things, including the monogamy-only paradigm. This process prepared me to see polyamory as a viable option.

I think mostly that poly is a life choice that I conciously made, because I consciously decided I wanted to be with a woman who was already married. (The whole story is a lot longer than that, but I guess that's the gist of it.)
 
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