Poly Couple very new to lifestyle


New member
We are a couple very new to the lifestyle. Husband is 43. Wife is 37. We have very recently included the wife's best friend, who is a very attractive 30-year-old Latina/Puerto Rican, into our seven-year relationship. We have been friends with our unicorn for the entire duration of our relationship. (But she was dating husband's cousin for five of the seven years.)

During the entire friendship, the wife and the unicorn, Kassy, always secretly played around together... flirting, kissing, playing with titties. But there was never any sexual contact between the husband and Kassy until about six months ago, when we had a drunk night and Kassy wanted to play with the wife and asked if the husband could join. The wife said, "Yes, of course!"

It has always been my (the wife's) fantasy to have a unicorn!

We had that night of fun together, then we had another night all together very recently, about one month ago. Since then, Kassy has shown interest in being the wife's girlfriend and letting hubby join in when we want.

I (the wife) have treated Kassy like my girlfriend, by taking her out shopping, spending money on her, taking her out to dinner, game nights at home, etc.

Kassy and hubby have NEVER been ALONE TOGETHER, so we all feel that that is the next necessary step so that we can ALL be comfortable and on the same page.

But I (the wife) am having a bit of a hard time with this. I mean, it turns me on tremendously to share my man/dick with my best friend. I do WANT that; it's just that the thought of my man making another woman feel the way he makes me feel, sexually AND emotionally, is extremely hard for me. But I truly feel that once this happens, it will make the experience sooo much better!

I'm just curious, is this normal? And is this the right way to go about this, if we want long-term relationship with her?
Polyamory isn't "the lifestyle." Poly practitioners don't use that term. It's more often used for and by swingers, those who mostly "play" (have casual sex) in couples.

Polyamory isn't first and foremost about sex. Nor is it about group sex in triads or quads or more. It's about loving multiple people.

Many people are confused about the different categories of ethical non-monogamy. You can learn more by reading here, or getting ahold of the book Opening Up, and/or listening to the podcast Multiamory.

You can search here for the terms "unicorn" and "triad" to see and learn from other newbies' experiences with trying to do poly in that kind of shape.
Hello OpenCouple1221,

It sounds like you are taking the next logical step. You are having some jealousy feelings, but you know that once you complete this step, things will be much better.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I recommend you train your focus on the light, and away from the tunnel. It's the wonderful triad at the end of this last step that gets you excited, so try to stay focused on that, and not so much on Kassy and your husband being alone together.

It's really hard right now, looking at it before it happens, but I wouldn't be surprised if, once it does happen, it's not nearly as hard for you as you had anticipated.

Your feelings are perfectly normal, don't worry about that.

Kevin T.
Please learn about unicorn or triad relationships. It might be your fantasy, but if you truly want a long-term relationship with her, I highly recommend you don't go there.

Right now, the relationships are: the two of you in one relationship, and you and your husband in another separate relationship. These are separate relationships that will stand or fail on their own.

Once you add a "third," then you have 4 relationships:

All three together

Plus the three metamour relationships

If one breaks down, it effects the others, usually ending them all. As fun and wonderful as it may seem right now, it is a recipe for heartbreak.

Do the research fully before hopping into this type of poly relationship. You can search here for tons of threads on the subject.
First, I agree with what others have said about educating yourself around poly AND changing your thinking of "your man/penis" as its dehumanising. He's your best friend right?
Soyou say: ..."it's just that the thought of my man making another woman feel the way he makes me feel, sexually AND emotionally, is extremely hard for me. But I truly feel that once this happens, it will make the experience sooo much better!"

Here's what I do when my partner goes on a date or we go out together and I get nervous/anxious: I look at all his wonderful qualities that make me so lucky to KNOW him and I think of the connections he makes with others are probably as good or better than ours because he's that cool! I am highly partial. Lol. Then I think of those people feeling happy they met him and maybe a friendship will evolve - and imo, the more people love him the luckier they are for accepting the love he offers! Then I get all excited for everyone involved because I know he desires lots of loving relationships and he's good at loving! Like me. :) then my worries are gone and the excitement and curiosity can expand xx Hope that helps. x