Poly curious

[Reachforthesky]

Hello! I (25f) have been with my husband(29m) for 5 years now. Our relationship is amazing and strong. We get along well, our sex is great, and he allows me to be myself. The only problem is I keep finding myself wanting to flirt and be romantic with other people. I’ve also realized since we’ve been together than I am bisexual and I’ve never really explored that side of myself before. I’ve brought it up casually to my husband before and it just doesn’t seem like something he wants. I don’t know what to do. Any advice? I feel like the harder I try to stifle this side of myself the closer I get to making a big mistake like cheating.

 

[Reachforthesky]

I feel so much shame and guilt about this. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t want my husband to think he’s not enough for me.

 

[kdt26417]

Hello Reachforthesky,

While "not enough" is a rather uncomfortable way to put it, there is some truth to it. You are poly inside; that means that you will never be completely satisfied with just one person. So, no matter whom you were with, that person would be "not enough." Simply by virtue of being only one person. No person can be two people, so yes, your husband is going to feel like he's not enough. Or more to the point, he's going to have to grapple with the uncomfortable reality of being not enough, he's going to have to somehow make peace with that reality.

If you open your marriage, it will be open on his side too. That is, he would be free to go out and date other people besides you. So, in that sense, you would be "not enough" too. You are enough as one person, but you cannot be two people. Just something to think about.

You might want to tell your husband that you are afraid you might end up cheating, if he does not consent to poly/open. Wait for a few weeks, then revisit the conversation. You might have to talk to him quite a few times before he consents, so be patient. On the other hand, he might never consent, so then you might need to consider the unpleasant prospect of divorce. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[dingedheart]

Hi and welcome to the forum

It’s unfortunate that you feel such shame and guilt however the bright side is that you’re both very young and you don’t have a ton of time/ yrs invested which makes adapting to something new and potentially scary a tad easier. And also in the case you can’t make this fly with him you have plenty of time to explore and get this sorted and enjoy your authentic self.

i think the sooner you have this difficult conversation the sooner you can start living your authentic self …..life is way too short to settle.….and really that’s what you’re doing now. And kev’s right and it might be unpleasant for him to hear but the cold reality is he’s not enough nor will he ever be. AND that’s just something he’s going to have to deal with.

 

[3908]

Reachforthesky,

Welcome to the forum. theres alot of good people on here. plenty of poly life experience, I encourage you to hang around keep reading and posting, it will help you learn more about your authentic self. ive learned more about my poly interest by reading what other people say here.