Poly-friendly Churches

Underground

We love our church. We talk about many things. I have been known to argue for “the other side” in an effort to legitimately establish supporting scripture for the arguments. “Cuz the Bible says so” is not acceptable. However, with my polyness, I must be underground. I will still argue about it but from the pretense for clearity. Only one thing will keep me from the Kingdom, denial of Christ. Sometimes our churches need to be reminded of this.
 
I find that when it comes to church that polyamory is generally considered a social deformity or mental illness, but there is hope and I have tried to, with the best of my abilities, to explain this on [link removed by moderator]. I personally, don't really think that there is too much of a problem with polyamory. It is just a matter of communication and polyamory may actually help reduce unnecessary racial and gender discrimination if introduced properly.
 
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I recently wrote the following in response to a podcast that invited responses from Christian polyamorists. I've touched on this subject in a couple of threads here already, but thought I might as well as share these more complete thoughts here as well.

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While there are clearly many non-Christians of various sorts in the poly community, there are also a number of us who self identify as Christian and practice the faith as we understand it. I was raised in an Evangelical-Fundamentalist church, and while I discarded most of that traditional theology early on, I did eventually find great meaning in the metaphysical esoteric understanding of New Thought Christianity (eventually coming to a personal belief structure that might best be characterized as Platonic-Christian Gnosticism), and a spiritual practice based on love, kindness, forgiveness - and with tolerance and open-mindedness obviously being implicit in that. From my perspective, that is, after all, the message that Jesus intended to offer to the world - even if the Church founded in his name all too often fails to demonstrate those values.

The article led me to consider which churches would be genuinely welcoming to polyfolks and accepting of polyamory as a legitimate way of engaging in loving relationships. So, I did just a bit of research. I started by asking the pastor of the very liberal, very progressive mainstream church that my wife and I attend what he thought about polyamory. Now, this fellow is as liberal as they come in main stream Christianity, and is an avid champion of gay marriage - yet he rejected the notion of polyamory out of hand without hesitation. I did make it a point to respectfully tell him that I had been seeing the topic pop up more and more often, and with our church's very liberal reputation, that he should probably expect to come across it at some point.
(Recounted in more detail at: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=90772)

Some Googling quickly revealed that none of the mainstream Christian churches - even those that have affirmed gay marriage - are ready for polyamory yet. In fairness, I did find an occasional defense or endorsement of polyamory by an individual churchman, but the denominations as a whole most decidedly reject polyamory as choice for a loving relationship style. This is not to say that polyfolks would not be welcomed in any given mainstream Christian church, just that their relationship style would not be sanctioned. The closeted polyfolks who enjoy attending church might find it best just to continue quietly attending their preferred church as normal if they are comfortable doing so. It goes without saying that it is very unlikely that the Evangelical-Fundamentalist churches would be a comfortable worship environment for the openly polyamorous, and most likely so for the closeted polyamorists as well.

However, there are a few other church options for the openly poly, although they each have identities that would not be acceptable to some, depending on individual preferences. The choice that seems most likely to offer a reasonably traditional Christian worship experience is the Metro Community Church. With over 220 congregation in 37 countries, they are present in many of the large US metroplexes. In a recent statement intended to counter the Evangelical-Fundamentalist "Nashvillle Statement" on sexuality and marriage, the MCC endorsed polyamorous relationships as being as valid as monogamy. Openly poly Christians that live near an MCC congregation might certainly want to plan a visit. It should be noted, however, that the MCC has a primary ministry of supporting the LGBT/Queer community, and it is possible that some cis-hetero individuals might not feel quite at home in these congregations.

The Unitarian Universalist (or UU) Church is already a popular choice among a number of polyfolks. There is even a "Unitarian Universalists for Polyarmory Awareness" group within the church. The very liberal and open UU Church has no creed or rules per se, and is characterized by a "free and responsible search for truth and meaning" - making it a strong choice for many UU folks seeking a worship experience. There are over a thousand UU congregations within the United States, so there would likely be a congregation available in many medium to large US cities. However, while one may find Christians present at a UU Church, it is not a Christian Church as such - and this may be an issue for those individuals with strong Christian roots.

Another option for polyamorists would be the Christian New Thought churches such as Unity and Religious Science. These churches reinterpret traditional Christian theology from an esoteric and metaphysical perspective, presenting what many would consider to be a deeper, kinder, and less judgmental understanding of the Christian message. By their very nature, these churches would not judge polyfolks for their choice of relationship style, and would certainly honor those choices. There are several hundred New Thought churches in the US, with Unity being the largest and most well known of the New Thought groups. One is very likely to find a Unity Church or other New Thought Church in many medium to large cities. Because New Thought presents a very different understanding of traditional Christian dogma as well as a somewhat different style of worship service, some of the more traditionally minded Christians may not find New Thought to their liking.

And, if one is not too attached to Christianity, there are always the Wiccans...
I started to like Unitarian Universalism because of their Joys, Sorrows, and Concerns sharing and 7 principles, but I got paranoid that they rejected the Trinity because it seems like they mean to reject 3-person polyamory.
 
I started to like Unitarian Universalism because of their Joys, Sorrows, and Concerns sharing and 7 principles, but I got paranoid that they rejected the Trinity because it seems like they mean to reject 3-person polyamory.
That's quite a leap. Why correlate the two?
 
That's quite a leap. Why correlate the two?
I don't understand the purpose of rejecting the Holy Trinity. To me, it is like rejecting the past, present, and future. The Father is like the past, the Son is like the future, and the Holy Spirit is like the present and 3-person polyamory a pregnant partner is like the future, the other 2 partners are either like the past or the present.
 
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Your correlations don't necessary reflect a lot of people's reality. The vast quantity of reality since you wouldn't always have one pregnant partner. Furthermore, polyamory definitely isn't "you, me, and her" - there are complex polycules (networks of relationships) that do not in any way resemble any kind of Christian theology.
 
Your correlations don't necessary reflect a lot of people's reality. The vast quantity of reality since you wouldn't always have one pregnant partner. Furthermore, polyamory definitely isn't "you, me, and her" - there are complex polycules (networks of relationships) that do not in any way resemble any kind of Christian theology.
Well of course there are a lot of different types of "realities" that reflect growth or breeding and elderly maintenance. Sometimes there can be too much arranged marriages without 3-person polyamory though hence the reason why I do not understand why you would want to reject the Holy Trinity. Furthermore, I would believe that it is more likely that monogamy-only marriages promote too much racial supremacy and not enough racial equality. Why is it that homosexual marriages became legal without 3-person marriages? https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/gay-marriage
 
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1. Because that was what was being campaigned for.

2. Because there are a vast number of laws in most countries around financial benefits for 2 people in a relationship, not 3 or more. To overhaul ALL these laws would be at great time and expense that lawmakers aren't ready for. However, in my country, there has been as least one individual court case that started pushing against assumptions of two person property relationship settlements under common law marriage. A triad broke up and who was buying out whom for what proportion of the estate was in question. It was a good outcome for recognition under the law that each person owned 1/3 of the equity in the real estate.
 
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