poly issues

C

Cakester

New member
been in a poly throuple for about 6 months, and it’s been one of the most healthy and communicative relationships i’ve ever experienced. we’ve had ups and downs navigating our new dynamic for sure, but all in all i’ve been very happy.

Two things though have come up recently that i need some guidance on. First, i find myself worried about one of my partners developing feelings for someone outside of our throuple. i don’t know why this intimidates me so much, since i have no issues with him having feelings for our other boyfriend.

Second, *i’ve* started developing feelings for another person outside of our relationship. we’ve been bonding a lot over a common life situation and i find him attractive and really feel like we’re a good match. I don’t want to act on these feelings, but we had a call the other night and afterwards just found myself saying “shit”, cause i definitely like him as more than a friend.

my life in general has been a lot lately. family drama and chaos and all sorts of things have me feeling weird. The NRE from the start of my throuple has started to wear off and i worry that im chasing that feeling by falling for someone new.

i know that communication is so important, and that i should probably talk to both of my partners about these feelings, but i worry so much about how they’d react. any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
 
Hey, I read one of your original threads and I see you're calling your partners Cal and Jake? You're in a LDR with them, but they are local to each other. You're more romantic/sexual with Cal, and Jake is more platonic with you. But you consider him a partner too. So it's more like something in between a V and a triad.

Which guy is developing feelings for another person? Is that person local to him too?

Is the guy you're interested in local to you, or long distance?

Are you supposed to be "poly-fidelitous" with Cal and Jake? How do you define that? Are other partners allowed, with the consent of all? Or have you not discussed it? I'd say bring it up! Clear the air and see how everyone feels. I know it's scary to "upset the balance," but nothing good ever came of secrets, especially in polyamory. Clear honest communication is the most important thing for success.
 
Hi Gwen,

Do you have a rule/agreement that all three of you will stick within the bounds of your throuple? that none of you will develop feelings for someone outside your throuple? and if so, do you trust your partner to keep/honor that rule? and how do you feel about that rule, considering it interferes with your growing desires for the new person? Maybe it's time to work out (a) new rule/s, something that addresses how you want new outside relationships to be conducted.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
Does having feelings automatically mean wanting that person as a partner to you?
 
this forum is great, cause these are all good questions and things i need to discuss with my partners. thank you everyone who commented!
 
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