This has to be the best poem i've read about people in abusive situations... may I use it in another forum for people whom have been abused?
I have noticed on my poly journey that my spending time with one of my partners or them spending time with theirs means that the others give of themselves selflessly. The amount we give each other is phenominal compared to other relationship styles and lifestyles. ...
Unlike mono relationships where a couple do everything together more often and only think of the unit of two, poly relationships demand that we think of everyone, even if they are not our lovers. It means that everyone should be remembered and thought of.
What are their needs, what do they require to make their relationship work and be happy? What has my partner forgotten about in creating a better relationship with their partner? What can I do to free up time to be with someone or allow them time to be with someone else? What extras can I give to my partners without jepordizing my own needs and that of others? Where is the boundary of how much I can give before I give too much or my giving is creating a privacy issue for my partners?
These are all questions that go through my head daily if not hourly. They aren't framed in such a way as to not demand or be selfish, but are ones of what can I do to give to others. There is nothing I like more than to see what my giving has created in others lives. The pay back is when I notice what has been given to me in love, respect, caring, compassion and particular thought and action that is specific to my needs and comfort.
There are a few lessons to the reader here:
- Don't get into new relationships when you're time-limited by an impending move. There is going to be enough drama without new partners.
- Don't assume that poly-activists have their issues with poly (or relationships) sorted out.
- Compersion is rare and precious. Often your partners hurt more when you're happy with others.
- Despite the previous item about compersion, your partners may be even more disturbed if a new partner makes you unhappy and you don't immediately dump him/her.