Poly: New & looking, but…

[Mazikeen]

Happy Friday!

I’ve been single for a while now, and with past relationships and this cougar era, I’m looking into poly. The thing is, I can only do MFM; I am hostile towards my lady peers to start with, I’m unable to relate to 98% of them and I am also territorial in a relationship (very different from jealousy).
I know and see that MFMs are very rare compared to the classic FMFs. I was wondering if there were any apps available for poly that are worth checking. I’m also weirdly picky; if I don’t feel it in my guts, it’s a no go. I’m in the eastern side of Canada.

Thanks!

 

[Bobbi]

I'm curious. Do you think poly is all triads? Because it's not. Most poly is individual dyads. Each person may have one, two or more dyadic relationships at the same time.

Are you saying your partners would not be allowed to date anyone else? If so, then this is not polyamory, but another kind of non-monogamy.

Polyamory is the ability for EVERYONE involved to have multiple loving, committed relationships at the same time. This applies regardless of gender or orientation.

 

[kdt26417]

Hello Mazikeen,

MFM actually seems to be the most common poly setup (rather than the MF+F setup most newbies assume), so if you have to be limited to one setup, that's a good one to be limited to. Feeld is the app I hear of most these days, although OKCupid may have an app too.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[Magdlyn]

The mainstream media would have you believe that FMF relationships are the most common. This does not reflect reality. It reflects what sells as titillating near porn to horny men, who see the ads that go with the shows supposedly depicting polyamory.

You see depicted a MF couple who end up with a "unicorn," a hot bi babe who falls for both members of the couple, and they both fall for her, and then drama ensues.

Working triads of any gender are quite rare because they are extremely difficult to navigate. Group sex is a fantasy. If you're into casual sex, you might be able to do group sex with swingers. Most people do not separate love and sex, however.

So, you're in luck. Generally a woman who wants to date two guys can find that pretty easily. Many men don't mind only having part of your time. They will take what they can get. Unless you start out in an established couple. Then your male partner/husband will usually be territorial, as he is allowed to think he owns you, per our patriarchal culture. But you're single. Go for it. Just don't expect to have tons of group sex. Many men won't be into having sex with you with another guy in close proximity. And group sex is a whole learned skill. It can go horribly wrong.

Just beware that most men don't understand poly women. They think it means you're into casual sex, one night hookups, and you're going to indiscriminately fuck any Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along. They don't get that the "amory" part stands for love and commitment. And men lie. They tell you what you want to hear, that they're open to dating and LTRs. Then they get a night of sex, or maybe three times, and they disappear.

However, there are good guys out there. Just be prepared to be disappointed more often than not.

 

[Mazikeen]

The mainstream media would have you believe that FMF relationships are the most common. This does not reflect reality. It reflects what sells as titillating near porn to horny men, who see the ads that go with the shows supposedly depicting polyamory.

You see depicted a MF couple who end up with a "unicorn," a hot bi babe who falls for both members of the couple, and they both fall for her, and then drama ensues.

Working triads of any gender are quite rare because they are extremely difficult to navigate. Group sex is a fantasy. If you're into casual sex, you might be able to do group sex with swingers. Most people do not separate love and sex, however.

So, you're in luck. Generally a woman who wants to date two guys can find that pretty easily. Many men don't mind only having part of your time. They will take what they can get. Unless you start out in an established couple. Then your male partner/husband will usually be territorial, as he is allowed to think he owns you, per our patriarchal culture. But you're single. Go for it. Just don't expect to have tons of group sex. Many men won't be into having sex with you with another guy in close proximity. And group sex is a whole learned skill. It can go horribly wrong.

Just beware that most men don't understand poly women. They think it means you're into casual sex, one night hookups, and you're going to indiscriminately fuck any Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along. They don't get that the "amory" part stands for love and commitment. And men lie. They tell you what you want to hear, that they're open to dating and LTRs. Then they get a night of sex, or maybe three times, and they disappear.

However, there are good guys out there. Just be prepared to be disappointed more often than not.

That was quite well described, and you well understand where I was coming from. Thank you!

I can definitely see that most men will only see the sexual part of it. Yes, it’s a fun bonus, but it’s not the main goal whatsoever. The lack of affection and overall support from previous relationships, being hidden, got me thinking that perhaps more open men might be something to try. I know also that my need for emotional security might be my downfall in this and I might be searching in the wrong place or wrong type of relationship. But who knows? It also depends on the people involved.