Nowhereman
Member
I thought I didn't feel jealousy at all for a long time. But after some poly experience, I'd formulated for myself what I call now "polyamorous jealousy". To explain it, I need to start with "polyamorous cheating".
Poly cheating is breaking an agreement. In most poly rels, we have agreements. And when a partner brokes one of them, we have this terrible feeling - the one I call "poly jealousy".
I'll give you an example. We lived together as a triad. And we had an agreement to never change our common plans for the sake of our secondaries. Our third partner was out of the city, and my GF and I planned to spend the next day together. But in the evening, her secondary called her to say he'll be in the city for one day tomorrow. How could I tell her, "Don't go! We have an agreement"? I just couldn't. I couldn't deprive her of this pleasure - all the more, we both don't know when he'll be here next time. But I also didn't want her to leave me for the whole day we had already planned. So I was stuck. And then she tells me before I even say a word:
- I know what you think. I will go - but only if we together devise now what YOU will do during the day.
And I felt better: my love will spend the day with her passion, but she took care of me - so I also will spend the day well.
The feeling started developing in me during a few seconds _before_ she said she'd take care of me - this feeling I call "poly jealousy". When my partner breaks our agreements (or "rules") - even if I agree that she should do it.
What do you think?
Poly cheating is breaking an agreement. In most poly rels, we have agreements. And when a partner brokes one of them, we have this terrible feeling - the one I call "poly jealousy".
I'll give you an example. We lived together as a triad. And we had an agreement to never change our common plans for the sake of our secondaries. Our third partner was out of the city, and my GF and I planned to spend the next day together. But in the evening, her secondary called her to say he'll be in the city for one day tomorrow. How could I tell her, "Don't go! We have an agreement"? I just couldn't. I couldn't deprive her of this pleasure - all the more, we both don't know when he'll be here next time. But I also didn't want her to leave me for the whole day we had already planned. So I was stuck. And then she tells me before I even say a word:
- I know what you think. I will go - but only if we together devise now what YOU will do during the day.
And I felt better: my love will spend the day with her passion, but she took care of me - so I also will spend the day well.
The feeling started developing in me during a few seconds _before_ she said she'd take care of me - this feeling I call "poly jealousy". When my partner breaks our agreements (or "rules") - even if I agree that she should do it.
What do you think?