polyamory and bitterness

C

chiwaterfalls

New member
I'm definitely bitter and resentful toward the couple I used to date. I like men and women equally. but the girl turned out to only like girls if her boyfriend was around. but even after we break up, I'm helping support them and then they end up living with me again (have a 2 year old by the way), and they're back to working things out between the two of them while I'm alone, and they just get to move on back to what they had before me and I'm supposed to believe it meant anything? they can get upset with me, say mean things, and threaten to take their son from me, but when I get mad and say something I don't mean, they get to be done with me.
 
chiwaterfalls said:
I'm definitely bitter and resentful toward the couple I used to date. I like men and women equally. but the girl turned out to only like girls if her boyfriend was around. but even after we break up, I'm helping support them and then they end up living with me again (have a 2 year old by the way), and they're back to working things out between the two of them while I'm alone, and they just get to move on back to what they had before me and I'm supposed to believe it meant anything? they can get upset with me, say mean things, and threaten to take their son from me, but when I get mad and say something I don't mean, they get to be done with me.
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It sounds like you're better off without I'm afraid. None of that speaks of any kind of respect whatsoever. It doesn't seem like a poly-thing, it seems like a some-people-are-shitty thing. I'm sorry you're going through a hard time.
 
chiwaterfalls said:
I'm definitely bitter and resentful toward the couple I used to date. I like men and women equally. but the girl turned out to only like girls if her boyfriend was around. but even after we break up, I'm helping support them and then they end up living with me again (have a 2 year old by the way), and they're back to working things out between the two of them while I'm alone, and they just get to move on back to what they had before me and I'm supposed to believe it meant anything? they can get upset with me, say mean things, and threaten to take their son from me, but when I get mad and say something I don't mean, they get to be done with me.
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Definitely a some people are shitty thing^^ From what you've been kind and excepted inconvenience. I dont know what so suggest or say, you must feel so hurt xx
 
I am sorry you are upset. :(

I hope venting helped some.

I am confused though. Maybe I am reading that wrong. It sounds like

  • the trigger event happens.
  • they say mean things and that they will leave if X continues or X does not happen.
  • You say mean things. X continues or X does not happen.
  • They follow through and leave. You guys are broken up.
  • you regret saying mean things.
  • you choose to support your exes financially.
  • you choose to move your exes in with you.
  • you find that you do not like living with your exes.

Is that how it goes? What was the trigger event? What was X?

How is living with them and supporting them helping you move past bitterness? What were those supposed to achieve? :confused:

How can you better support yourself and your healing?

What is your desired outcome at this time? It is hard to give feedback to help you try to get there without knowing what you are shooting for.

Galagirl
 
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What they're doing is wrong. Why are they incapable of supporting themselves? Does one or do both of them have education? A decent job(s)? Are they still living with you?

The first thing to do, if they are, is to remove them.

I've run into similar things with XBF, and feel much the same.
 
Hi chiwaterfalls,

It sounds to me like this couple is using their son as a hostage, since you have grown attached to their son and (I suppose) fear you can't bear to be parted from him. Maybe you are even concerned about how it will affect their son if you are torn away from him?

I certainly feel bad for you, but I think I might feel worse for their son. Can you imagine having parents who would ruthlessly use you to hurt and bully someone else? They're not fit to be parents in my opinion.

Unless you have some kind of pull and can take their son away from them -- and I kind of doubt that -- it isn't useful to try to keep their son in your life. Remove their power over you by letting their son go. Grieve and move on. Then pray that someday their son will be able to overcome whatever bad influence they have on him.

After that, the choices get easier. Remove them from your domicile, and stop financially supporting them. Do whatever you have to so that they're completely gone from your life. Give them notice. Change the locks. Call the police. Sell the place and move out yourself ... anything so that they can't haunt you anymore. Change your address and phone number so they can't find you. Although they might disappear willingly once they realize they can't use their son as a hostage anymore.

I can see that polyamory (or at least a couple that claimed to be poly) did great damage to you, and I don't blame you for feeling bitter. I think you need some space and time to breathe and recover.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
 
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