Polysatuation : what are some thoughts?

AngelDuncan

AngelDuncan

New member
I’ve only been on the forum for a few weeks but I’d like to throw a question open to the floor: how many partners at one frame of time is too many?

It seems only reasonable that, at some point, a human would only be able to spread their time/attention/physical presence so far before before they, with or without intent, start neglecting/causing pain to someone in that sphere.

Meaning where does it become only about juggling purely sexual partners (which is fine if all are knowing into that dynamic AND feel they are having their expectations met) and not about maintaining respectful interactions with someone as a person?

It isn’t ALWAYS about love, but it does always have to be about respect, right?

And before we all jump solely into the “it’s all about open communication,” let’s assume that’s a given. I’m asking how has that dynamic either affected you, made you feel, or caused you to either change or leave a partner?

Mostly I am curious: have you yourself found you’ve stretched yourself too thin, and if so, what did you do, if anything, to course correct? Did something happen or did someone say something that brought it to your attention?
Secondarily, if you can add what, for lack of a better word, sort of category of poly would you consider your situation to fall into?
 
I know I've got too many commitments if I'm not getting enough alone time. I need sufficient 'me time' too and I'll feel stretched too thin if I start to wish I was going home rather than on a date.

As for how many, it depends on what the committment level is with each partner. I couldn't do more than two nesting partners. I could have (and have had) half a dozen comet or casual partners.

Right now I'm solo poly with two long distance partners, one of whom will return to being a nesting partner later this year. The other will also be moving to live in my city so we'll be relying even more on the Google calendar to make time for both, and me. I will definitely spend some time adjusting to even that level of saturation so will probably not be seeing my comet people that much.

I recently broke it off with another local partner for a variety of reasons, and we'll see if that evolves into a friendship after the non contact period I imposed. But even had I not broken it off, I had let him know that I would be de-escalating when I'm setting up my new home and calendar.
 
Hi Angel,

There really is no magic number to which all polyamorists must limit themselves; some people must limit themselves to two or three partners, others can juggle seven or more. There are a lot of factors that can affect that number. Generally the more partners, the more complicated the situation, so there is some tendency for people to be polysaturated at the lower numbers. But the number does vary, from one person to the next.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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