Pregnancy in a V

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flowing

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Hello. I hope that someone can offer some insight. I am a 33-year old straight woman who was reunited with her former bisexual boyfriend (Omari) two years ago. The reconnection was instant.

He shared with me that he was interested in having a child. This had been his steady desire for a number of years. I was also feeling the desire to extend my family. I have a 10-year old daughter.

I was single at the time that Omari and I reconnected. After a year-long conversation and planning, Omari and I decided to develop a family together.

As our conversations developed, he shared that he was still residing with his partner of six years, Mark. Their relationship is stable. The only issue is that Mark does not want to be a parent. We all sat down a shared what our vision was. Omari and I agree that we wanted to be co-parents together.

However, this past year, things have become challenging now that I am pregnant (six months). Omari and I did not anticipate the intensity of our bond, and the fact that sex would only magnify our emotional attachment. Mark and Omari have not been sexually involved during my pregnancy. Mark is uncomfortable with the relationship that has been established between Omari and me. In turn, at times, I am uncomfortable with him, because it was never my intent to hurt him or cause him any stress. Omari at times feels that he is in the middle.

My suggestion to him was to become a "V poly family," or a poly family where he and Mark would resume their sexual encounters and I would not be sexually involved with either of them.

My priority is family, and having both of my children in the presence of their father throughout their lives. My thoughts were also driven by the fact that Omari has a difficult time coming to my home, as Mark cannot handle it, and does not understand why his presence is needed right now. To date, Omari is definitely caring on two primary relationships, one sexual and the other non-sexual.

Is polyamory an option for us? Thoughts, please!
 
Well, polyamory is certainly an option, but it doesn't look like Mark is comfortable sharing Omari with you. Did he know Omari was bisexual from the get-go?

Whether he wants to or not, he's going to have to figure if he can live with Omari having this dual-family situation. It sounds to me like it's up to mark whether he can live with that, or just wants to separate.
 
Either way, the three of you need to have some serious discussions, and soon. Omari and you will be trying to raise a child together, and that is impossible to do if you aren't having any contact, or even limited contact. Part of becoming a parent is being involved in the pregnancy (if possible). And let's face it, we women tend to need way more attention when we are pregnant.

Whose idea was it to cut sexual relations with Mark? If Omari wanted to keep Mark in his life, I don't see how this was helpful.
 
Polyamory is possible, sure, but it sounds like Mark is not interested. So the real issue sounds like how Omari is going to be involved in your life and the baby's life. Skipping the sex and love part, a child is coming, and organization ahead of time in terms of time management and expectations and assumptions of roles needs to be figured out, I would think, or at least talked about.

It sounds like Mark is feeling threatened, and if that is the case, I would start with that. Find out what he wants out of all this, and why, if anything.
 
Thank you all for your comments. They were quite insightful.

I do agree that all three of us need to sit down together again to determine the best way to more forward so that everyone's needs can be met.

I am approaching my third trimester. Now is the right time to bring order and direction to our family. I am pressing forward, although it is very clear that Mark is having some challenges with this family ideal. I reached out to him this past Saturday and to date he has yet to respond to my offering to chat, going bowling or to have dinner so that he and I can develop a better rapport. Omari has informed me that Mark is not the best communicator, and I get that. However, it doesn't change the fact that his non-response sends a poor message.

I'm torn, because, although Mark was fully aware that Omari was a bisexual man who has always wanted to have children, just like Omari and me, did not know the extent to which this process would go. But here we are. I am definitely ready to forge ahead. My understanding is that Omari is too. Mark seems to be dealing with some other life-defining moments, in addition to trying to adjust to the idea of his partner extending their union to include me, a 10-year old, and a new baby.

Hmm... So, how do I/we proceed? Do we wait for Mark to decide what his involvement will be, or do we continue to move forward based on decisions that Omari and I make? Well, as mentioned above, we need to talk!
 
First, your main aim seems to be having the father around your child. So with this in mind, tell Omari that he will have a child soon and needs to sort out this Mark issue, as it is stressful to you. Women who are pregnant want certain things to be "set in stone," such as who is going to live where, and what the arrangement is going to be. He needs to step up to the plate and realize his life no longer entirely revolves around himself if he wants to be a decent dad. Decent dads make decisions that benefit their children.

Just make sure you frame it around him taking action as the father, and it should give him enough motivation to do what is needed.
 
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