Question for the ladies

I enjoy it when my husband whispers in my ear how much he enjoyed having sex with another woman. I love him to describe in exact detail how it felt and how much the lady in question enjoyed it. I also love to watch him having sex with another woman. I'm not sure if it is strange, but it leads to a very nice orgasm every time. :sneaky:
 
I hope to experience this someday. I think it would be hard for me to find two willing men, given that I don't want casual sex, and would need bonds with each.

IMO, cuckolding originally included the humiliation and all, but now I consider it a broader term. Maybe it's a misuse of the word, but I don't know a better term for the husband/bf watching. (The hotwife term bothers me. I think it's just the nicer way of saying "slut wife" and often the husband is a bit controlling over her, and it's usually many partners casually.)
 
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I think voyeurism is broader, though. It just means watching people. It doesn't mean you know either of them. It certainly doesn't mean that at least one of them is your partner, too.
 
Very true, but I don't think it has the negative connotations or the included subjection/humiliation that cuckolding has. Granted, voyeurism only used to be used to describe "Peeping Toms" or people who spied on others, not people who were willingly included in the room during sexual acts. Now it is used for more inclusive things, though, and it's even used for nonsexual experiences like reality tv and such.

I don't know that there is a perfect word for it, but I would think voyeurism would be the closest thing since it is getting pleasure from watching others. Cuckolding has the humiliation aspect that I don't think is included in most people's enjoyment of watching people (significant other or otherwise) have sex.
 
I don't know, I think of "voyeurism" as having more negative connotations than "cuckolding" so it's probably subjective. What about "cuckold voyeurism" then?
Not that I think we necessarily need a specific word for it, mind you.
 
I am not sure how many of you have read the book Sex at Dawn, but it covers the prehistoric underpinnings of this phenomenon, of two or more men all involved sexually with one woman.

It posits, through biology and anthropology, that a woman having sex with several men in one session (over several hours or days) is completely natural. I am assuming the OP does not just watch his wife have sex, and then not shag her himself. He watches, he becomes aroused, he also has sex with her shortly after the other lover is done. Women can be quite multi-orgasmic, and in general, men are not as orgasmic. So, she is biologically able to have sex with more than one partner in one session.

The book also suggests it is one reason women are often quite vocal during sex. Her noises (in pre-history and pre-patriarchy) would act as a mating call to other partners to "come and get me while I'm hot."

If you are not culturally programmed to be jealous of another guy boning your wife/gf, why wouldn't it be arousing to watch her physically involved with another partner? It could even be a socially bonding thing between the two (or more) males involved.

I think Sex at Dawn is a very interesting book, and I hope other polyamorous people find it as enlightening as I did.
 
Magdlyn said:
through biology and anthropology, that a woman having sex with several men in one session (over several hours or days) is completely natural. I am assuming the OP does not just watch his wife have sex, and then not shag her himself. He watches, he becomes aroused, he also has sex with her shortly after the other lover is done. Women can be quite multi-orgasmic, and in general, men are not as orgasmic. So, she is biologically able to have sex with more than one partner in one session.
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That makes perfect sense to me! With the invention of Viagra, things have shifted a bit, but basically, this sounds very logical to me.

Magdlyn said:
The book also suggests it is one reason women are often quite vocal during sex. Her noises (in pre-history and pre-patriarchy) would act as a mating call to other partners to "come and get me while I'm hot."
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This also makes perfect sense to me!

Magdlyn said:
If you are not culturally programmed to be jealous of another guy boning your wife/gf, why wouldn't it be arousing to watch her physically involved with another partner? It could even be a socially bonding thing between the two or more males involved.

I think Sex at Dawn is a very interesting book, and I hope other polyamorous people find it as enlightening as I did.
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I had an experience one evening while with a group of friends (about 5 couples) where a woman and I were sitting back (she and I were satiated), and as we watched her husband having intercourse with another woman, she affectionately said, "Look at him," and we both sighed and watched with smiles on our faces.
 
Okay to weigh in...

My bf explained to me that he really wanted to watch me have sex with another man and I didn't understand why. He explained that it wasn't because he was a voyeur, as I was thinking. He's not particularly into that. He doesn't want to watch; he wants to participate. But sometimes he is 7000-10,000 miles away and can't be here.

What he wanted to see with me being with someone else was my reaction. When he's on top of me, or behind me or wherever he is, he can't see everything. He doesn't see every movement my body makes or my every reaction to his touch. And that is what he was looking for. He wanted to be able to see me receiving pleasure from a different perspective.

He did watch a couple of times long distance, and that was pleasurable to a point, but he didn't enjoy that voyeur only kind of view. When he got home, we had a threesome and it was so hot. He felt much better then as well because he could watch me and touch me at the same time.

As far as how I felt about it... it was a little strange to have him watching me on camera. I was very self-conscious about what I was doing and making sure he could see what he wanted, so the spontaneous nature of things was disrupted. It was much better when he was present. I did have a drink or three before we got started, because I had never done that before. But once things got going it felt like the most natural experience in the world.
 
Hi Butterfly. Compared to all the very nice responses on here, I think yours is the most reflective of our relationship and why I think its so beautiful to see my woman with another man. I think you hit the nail on the head and articulated it better than I could myself. I am just wondering how unusual I am in this sense. I love to participate and help out the other guy and my wife while we're all making love but I really love watching her enjoy herself and really get into the moment. Maybe I'm nuts, I have no idea. Thoughts?
 
threesnocrowd said:
I really love watching her enjoy herself and really get into the moment. Maybe I'm nuts, I have no idea. Thoughts?
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You're not nuts-- I thought I'd just explained the biological underpinnings of this desire. We are all hardwired to have multiple sexual partners. It takes a whole lot of social conditioning, religious programming and brainwashing, forceful deterrents, and even outright laws, to combat these natural urges for more than one partner.

Take a look at bonobo chimps and how promiscuous they are. We share 98.5 of our DNA with them.

The only reason women in our society are required to have one, and only one, male partner is to control their fertility so her mate can be sure he isn't raising another man's child. This is only necessary in patriarchal societies.

We've lived under this yoke long enough.

In an ideal polyamorous configuration, any child that resulted from coitus between the woman and any of her men would be raised as the group's child, taken care of, financially supported. Whether it was this or that man's semen that cause the pregnancy wouldn't matter one bit. The love and connection of the adults involved would trump whose sperm cause the conception.
 
To take it one step further, IMO many males evolved to feel ok with another man being more powerful. They are so-called beta males. They accept they're not at the top of the pecking order. They might still hide this fact in many situations, since society tends to look down on "weaker" males. But IMO they are absolutely necessary. In a society with too many alpha males, there would be violence as they try and fight for the most desired females. Being a beta male would be smart. Letting the other man win, but ensuring your own survival by not challenging him.

Even farther than that, I've seen some men online who prefer their spouse/GF mates with a top male. Sexually it turns them on, and sometimes it's their fetish, where it's the main turn on, and everything else does not to that extent. This makes sense too, in an evolutionary sense, though so few men can embrace it. For one thing, it's helping survival of the entire tribe/community instead of survival of their own little dyad. But secondly, it does help their smaller unit. Given that he is weaker in some ways, he could raise a child that has much better genetics than his own, if she mates with the very strong male. The child, when it gets older, would end up helping him (and his wife) survive. In addition, he could later father one or more children genetically, once the family was stronger from the alpha male's children.

Disclaimer: Most of this I must have read or heard from others, but some is probably my own corruption :) Never heard that last part that I can remember.
 
I suppose there is no getting around our evolutionary biology and the reality of there being more and less dominant men (and women). But it just feels so good having a woman with another man. Everything about it. The visuals, the smells, the feel. the expressions, the afterglow. Maybe it's just all hardwired neurotransmitters, but damn, it feels very real, and I guess I'm a little surprised more men (and women) are not involved in polyandrous relationships.

Do you think that more dominant women prefer to have more sexual partners?
 
Ok, that's way too scientific for me/ lol. :)

And to answer your question, no, I don't think you're nuts. Although I am very new to this, in my extensive scholarly reading on sex (doing the Groucho Marx eyebrow wiggle right now), one of the most profound things I read lately was when it comes to sex, you and your partner make your own rules. As long as you're open and honest with one another, it doesn't matter if your sex life is the same as the next couple's. It's about you (plural).

Oh, that was from Glamour magazine. ;)

I really have read a bunch about sex. Glamour's monthly "You're not gonna believe this awesome sex move!" articles are old hat for me. lol
 
threesnocrowd said:
If you are ever in the same situation where you are with another man and your husband/bf is watching, how does it make you feel that he enjoys watching you make love to another man?

Am I nuts?
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This definitely doesn't appeal to everyone! You aren't nuts, and my response isn't disapproving of how you feel, but this has no appeal for me (female) whatsoever. I'm not a voyeur, and I'm not an exhibitionist. When I have sex it's for me and the partner I'm with. If that yields nice fantasies for another partner, that can be a benefit for him, but I don't really even want to know about it, and I certainly don't want an extra partner present.
 
Magdlyn said:
In an ideal polyamorous configuration, any child that resulted from coitus between the woman and any of her men would be raised as the group's child, taken care of, financially supported. Whether it was this or that man's semen that cause the pregnancy wouldn't matter one bit. The love and connection of the adults involved would trump whose sperm cause the conception.
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This is an interesting concept, but I don't think it could work in reality. As much as I love my girl, and also support her need to have another man in her life, I don't think I could consent to her having his child. She lives with me, and therefore the day-to-day love and care that child would need, would be down to us. I do love and care for a boy who is not biologically mine already, and I do treat him and love him as my own son. I feel that what your suggesting is different though. I wonder how common it is?

My girl has expressed a desire to have another child within two or three years, and it does mean a lot to me also. I guess it will be up to her to decide which one of us she wants to impregnate her. It is something we have talked about and she has told me that she would only want a child with me. It's a while off though, so we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
 
Dude and I both have a bit of an exhibitionist streak, and, although MrS is not much of a voyeur I know that enjoys seeing me experience so much pleasure, and suspect Dude feels they same way. During our threesomes, when they happen, they will often trade off - one being more "active" and the other watching and "assisting". During these sessions I am often so lost in the moment that I am not aware of the "being watched" part (or even who is doing what). And I don't think that "cuckolding", as I understand it, comes into play in our dynamic at all - no one should be feeling humiliated or forced in any way.

When MrS and I have had threesomes with other women I think there was more of the voyeurism at play - i.e. he was aroused by watching two women together in addition to his joy in my pleasure. I know that when I am with a woman and someone is watching the experience is much different then when we are alone - the fact that he is turned on by seeing us together is stimulating in a different way, but at the same time we are aware we are playing for an audience - so the experience is more "fun fucking" than "intimate lovemaking."

I've enjoyed watching MrS play with some of my female partners in the past - but only, I think, because these are women that we both know and trust and I am involved as well. At the same time I like seeing these girls "working their magic" - girls are just so damn sexy! So when I'm watching MrS it feels like compersion, and when I am watching the woman it feels more like a caring sort of voyeurism.

For the record, and to cover all the possibilities - I don't think I would enjoy watching two men together (both of my boys are straight so this doesn't come into play) but enjoy watching two women together. Hmmm.

JaneQ

As an aside - my lesbian friend likes to watch gay MALE porn - go figure!
 
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