RainyGrlJenny's Story

I'm oozing poly goodness all over the place! :)

I spent Friday night with Moonlight, the first time I've been able to since she got back from Hawaii. It was absolutely wonderful, lounging in bed until 2 am, listening to music, talking, fucking, cuddling. She'd noticed that earlier that week I'd posted on my facebook page that I was craving ice cream, and brought me strawberry ice cream and shortbread cookies in bed for a post-orgasmic snack. :)

We'd had plans for Saturday, but unfortunately, Moonlight woke up sick with a cold she'd caught from her granddaughter. We ended up just snoozing and talking in bed all day, and she felt so guilty that she had "ruined" our weekend. I finally put my foot down and told her that after dating this long, I was no longer to be considered a guest who needs entertaining, and that if I didn't want to be with her I certainly could have jumped in my car and gone home. I love to hold her, to just be with her.

I went home Saturday night so she could get some uninterrupted sleep, and got to snuggle with Fly all night and have breakfast together. He surprised me with something he said. I was complaining that I wished Moonlight lived closer so that I could see her more often without having to drive so far or pay bridge tolls. He thought for a moment, and then suggested that if she and I continue to have a relationship, maybe we could think about buying the neighbor's house someday (he's an elderly man, and his family has mentioned that they'll probably sell when he dies). He mused that we could tear it down and build a new house, move Moonlight in, and have a huge shared back yard. She could be kiddo's "Auntie," and I could see her every day and split my time more easily because distance and childcare wouldn't be such issues. It's such a lovely idea, and even lovelier because Fly came up with it on his own. We've been talking about the possibility of buying that property for years, but always as a rental, or just to tear down the house and expand our lot. I'm so fortunate to be loved by this generous and understanding man. :) Whether it ever happens or not, I'm touched that he would consider it.

Additionally, there's a fairly strong chance that I'm taking both of them to my company christmas party!!!!!! :eek: Fly hasn't come to one the entire time we've been together (incidentally, he's been participating in my life on a previously unimagined level, attending family events and things like that. I'm not sure what's going on, exactly, but it's been really delightful and I've appreciated having him more present), so I asked him if he would be ok if I invited Moonlight. She accepted the invitation, and I was excited to show her off. I'm completely open at work, they all know I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend, but my best friends haven't met her yet and are looking forward to doing so at the party. I later mentioned the party to Fly in passing, while discussing the week's dinner menu, and he told me he was probably coming. I reminded him that he told me to invite Moonlight, and he said that it was ok, he'd like to come too. I checked with Moonlight, and she seems to be alright with it, so it looks like I'll have two dates come Friday night! :D

My final recent poly triumph is that I told my sister about Moonlight. My sister is 16 years older than me, and is my "Little Mama," especially in the two years since our mom died. I've never hidden anything from my family, but never been explicit either, except with my mama. I breached the news over the phone, during a conversation about something else. I had a bit of a shock, because I'd thought my family knew that Fly and I are open, but apparently they didn't know. Oops. Anyway, after I told her about Moonlight, she asked if I was happy. When I said that I am, she only had one question after that: "Who all's coming to christmas eve? I need to make sure everyone has a present under the tree!" I am so completely blessed in the love and acceptance of my family! So many people struggle with hiding their poly or orientation, or having it cause fights or discomfort or driving wedges, and the fact that my family takes everything into stride and loves me even though they think I'm a weirdo is something for which I'm profoundly grateful.

Anyway, I told her she could tell everyone else if she wanted, except we agreed that we would maybe not lay it all on my dad, as we don't think he could possibly wrap his head around it. :rolleyes:

There's just love, love, love squishing underfoot around here, and I'm wallowing in it like a pig in mud! :)
Such great news, the company christmas party, the planning of living arrangements and the acceptance of your sister! I'm very happy for you. :)
Thanks Mya!

Unfortunately, our childcare plans fell through, so Fly was unable to attend the party. Moonlight accompanied me, and it went quite well. Pretty much everyone at work knows my life situation (because I'm TMI girl!), so it wasn't the freak show that she was a little fearful of. My friends really liked her, yay!

We had plans for a passionate night after the party, but...um...this lightweight girl had a little too much to drink! :rolleyes: It's so rare for me to be drunk, but apparently I passed out on poor Moonlight when we got home, and was unrousable. We are waaaaay overdue for a sexy love session, because last weekend she was super sick. We're hoping to do dinner and some naughty things on Wednesday. :D

Moonlight is taking me to a party on New Year's Eve, in a neighborhood near mine. I'd asked Fly if she could just spend the night at our house so she wouldn't have a long drive home late at night, and he agreed. During the conversation, Moonlight invited him to join us for the party, so I may get to have my duo-date yet!

I spent a lot of time with Fly this weekend, as we went to his friend's birthday party on Saturday and his family Christmas party on Sunday. Sometimes in all the whirlwind of Moonlight and I, I forget about his sweetness and generosity. Then, when I'm least expecting it, a big gooball of love drowns me and I remember what a beautiful man he is.
Life has been seriously crazy. Moonlight was in Oregon December 20th - 23rd, so I had plenty of good Fly time. Then it went a little nuts! I spent the night of the 23rd with Moonlight, we had a great time watching a pretty epic Seahawks game together. Then lunch with Fly on the 24th, and later that day was my big family get-together. Spent that night with Fly, then went to his family Christmas at his sister's. When we got home that night, I dashed off to Moonlight's to spend the night on the 25th. Home again on the 26th, but Moonlight picked me up from work for a fancy romantic lunch on the 27th. Stayed home with Fly on the night of the 27th, then spent the night with Moonlight on the 28th! It was wonderful to be so balanced between them, but I got a little frazzled. :)

This weekend was spent with Fly, working in the yard. We're building a chicken coop and run (YAY!), and needed to dig some ditches so the yard will drain properly. It was nice to be home, with no obligations, to just dream about my garden and my chickens. :rolleyes:

On New Year's Eve, Moonlight's friends had rented out a club near my house for a combo NYE/birthday party, and she invited Fly and I to go. It was wonderful!! I didn't know any of the music the DJ was playing, but Fly and Moonlight, both being older than me, were singing along, and joked all night about bringing their "baby" to the club. The three of us danced together, drank, and had a wonderful time. We all exchanged kisses at midnight, and it just felt so right to begin the new year with both my loves.

There are things about Moonlight and Fly that are very different, but they're also very alike in many ways. They get along together really well, and it's such a new and delightful feeling for me to see the people I care about caring about each other in a friendly way.

We had planned for Moonlight to stay at our house after the party, so she wouldn't have to drive home in the wee hours. Everyone was a little unsure of the sleeping plans. Moonlight gives me conflicting signals sometimes; she tells me that she doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, but then in the next breath she'll say that she really misses dick sometimes. I've told her that as far as I'm concerned, she can sleep with or have relationships with anyone she wants, but she doesn't seem to want that. I've also told her that Fly is always an option for fun penis sex if she wants, with or without me. I know that sounds like I'm pimping out my boyfriend, but he and I have discussed it and he's expressed his enthusiastic willingness to have sex with her again.

Anyway, she refused to tell me whether she wanted to fuck him on NYE or not, and kept telling me it was up to me. That kind of pissed me off, because it's not my place to tell her I want her to sleep with my boyfriend with me, and it's not something I really care about. It ended up that we all just went to bed, Fly in his room and Moonlight and I in mine. Fly had been awake for over 24 hours due to his job, and Moonlight and I were super sleepy. I went and snuggled with Fly for a little while before I went to bed, and again in the morning while Moonlight was sleeping. I felt bad that he slept alone, but we don't have a bed big enough for all of us, even just to sleep. I may have to invest in a California king - three is an awkward number at times.

So, the new year started with no sex, even though I had both my lovers under the same roof. :eek: I know Fly would have been ok if I'd had sex with Moonlight, but it felt better to me to respect our boundaries, even though I had permission to break them.

One thing that came up between Moonlight and I is that I'm not very good at satisfying a girl. :eek: Apparently, just when things get good, I stop or pull back. She asked me if I don't like sex with chicks, and it's not that - it's just that I don't know what I'm doing, and she doesn't give me a lot of feedback. I always think she's bored or that I'm not doing it for her, so I get hesitant. I know my way around a guy's body, but for some reason I'm unsure with a girl. Which is odd, because hello, I'm a girl! We've both agreed to work on it, and I think the practicing should be fun.
Wow, so long since I've posted here!

Things are mostly good. Fly has been dating a woman to whom he was attracted to about 10 years ago, but for various reasons had decided not to pursue at that time. They have begun seeing each other, and had sex for the first time about a week ago. He's very happy about the whole thing, but I have some reservations and feel like there are some red flags with the situation. One is that she says she wants variety and freedom with no emotional ties other than friendship, but her relationships/sexual experiences are very limited, and she seems like she's crushing hard on Fly in a very romantic sense. That would be fine, except it's not what he wants, and I feel that for her sake he needs to be very clear about what he's available for and interested in. Also, he is her superior at work, and workplace dating is forbidden. He could get into a lot of trouble if things go bad. Luckily, he also sees these red flags, and while he's got some NRE/NSE (New Sexual Energy) going on, he is being very cautious and open-eyed about everything.

The part I'm really struggling with is that they go on dates. The kinds of dates I've been begging Fly to take me on for literally years. They went to a play, they're going to Cirque du Soleil and the symphony...these are things that Fly has told me he doesn't want to do, but it turns out he'll do them for some fresh nookie. This has caused me a lot of frustration, and yes, some jealousy. What scares me is that it triggers a knee-jerk desire to control their relationship, and that really bothers me. We've gotten to a really great place where we have very few "rules," mostly pertaining to safer sex and courtesy/respect for each other as partners. Now, I have moments of wanting to tell him I'm not going to watch kiddo while he's on dates, that if he doesn't do equal numbers of those kinds of dates with me he can't do them with her, all those nasty insecurity kinds of behaviors. Sometimes I get so wound up and feel so taken advantage of, so taken for granted, that I start to think about leaving him, ending the relationship. Blech.

It's stupid, because that's not who I want to be. However, Fly, without any prompting, told me he thinks he should start doing those kinds of activities with me too. I know he loves me, I know our relationship is solid at the foundation, but I really need him to show me that I'm more than cooking dinner and taking the kiddo to school and all the mundane day-to-day stuff while the other chick gets all the romance and carefree fun. I'm working hard to deal with my emotional stuff, and he's trying hard to understand and take care of me.

This weekend, I begin a house sitting gig that will last a week, and immediately from that I'm going to the ocean with Moonlight for a couple days. I think it will be good for both of us - I won't see him much, so maybe it will give us a break from the we-live-together-and-see-each-other-every-single-day static that buzzes in our relationship. Also, he will have to deal with all the things I usually do, and I'm hoping he'll appreciate me a little more once he realizes how easy I make his life. Anyway, I'll be back in the house on the 19th, and the 20th is our 7-year anniversary. He's in charge of planning the anniversary celebration, so we'll see what he has in store for us. :cool:

Moonlight and I are doing well, except that we still have issues where I'm not as available as she would like me to be. We're trying to come up with ways to combat that, but some of it is just reality. We've got 3 dates coming up over the next two weeks, including an overnight, and then I'll get to spend two days with her at the beach, which will be our first "getaway." We're both really looking forward to that.
Great job


I just wanted to say you've written a great blog and I really enjoyed reading it. It sounds like you are doing a great balancing act--and YAY!! Chickens!!!! Is it way too far off topic to ask what breeds you are considering having?:D
Awww, thanks! :)

I want a mixed flock of about 6, and I'm shooting for one of each of the following:

Rhode Island Red
Black Copper Maran
Buff Orpington
Gold Laced Wyandotte

We picked them for good egg production, egg color, ability to bear confinement, and friendliness. I gotta get the boys to finish the stupid coop first though! They've been working on it for almost 2 months. :confused:

I'm super excited, though! :D
Life Goes On

I'm house sitting this week, and reveling in the fact that it's only 5 blocks from work. Hooray for rolling out of bed at the last minute!

Typically, I take Kiddo to school in the morning, because Fly works early, and sometimes gets called in at 1 or 2 AM. However, since I'm house sitting so close to work, and have to sleep there because of the dog, I told him he's pretty much a single dad this week.

I have to admit, there's a part of me that is hoping that after this week, he'll appreciate me a little more and take me a little less for granted. It's nothing big, but it irritates me that he assumes I'm always available for him, and that I'll plan my life around his schedule.

Having a house to myself has been bliss for me! Moonlight came over Saturday night, bearing champagne and carrot cake. :) She spent the night, and we got to sleep in the next morning (except for letting the dog out at 7 AM). We went out for a leisurely breakfast, and then decided to go to the farmers market, since it was a rare sunny Seattle day. I asked if she minded if we stopped by my (actual) house, so I could grab some things I had forgotten to pack, and Moonlight freaked out a little bit. She knew that Fly's FWB (I think I will call her Notes) had spent the night, and worried that it would be awkward if she was still there. I, however, decided that it IS my home, and since Fly and I had no arrangement for me to stay away, there was no reason to be worried. Frankly, I wouldn't mind meeting her, but she is adamant that she doesn't want to meet me. I have a sneaking suspicion that it helps her maintain the illusion that Fly is her boyfriend, but that's his problem, not mine.

Anyhow, Notes wasn't there, and Moonlight and Fly enjoyed chatting while I gathered my stuff. I LOVE that they get along so well. She and I teased him gently about Notes, and discussed the Mariners, and he kissed her cheek goodbye when we left. The friendly interactions between them really give me warm fuzzies. :D

The farmers market was glorious, and then Moonlight and I parted ways for the day with sweet kisses in my driveway. I went to a play that my boss' daughters were in, and then returned to my house to BBQ salmon with Fly and Kiddo. It was a lovely mellow ending to the weekend.

However, when I made it back to the house sitting house, I found some pieces to Moonlight's CPAP machine that she had forgotten. Since she needs it to sleep, it turned out she just HAD to come spend another night with me. :D So, I got some bonus loving, and it was so hard to leave her to go to work this morning.

On Wednesday, I have Valentine's Day plans with Moonlight, and then will do Valentine's with Fly and Kiddo on Thursday. Sunday night through Tuesday afternoon will be spent at the beach with Moonlight for some romance, and then Wednesday is Fly's and my 7th anniversary. So many celebrations to enjoy this time of year!

There are times when I'm awestruck at how blessed I am with my partners, and sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around how my life is so abundant in love.
Update time.

Ive been having a variety of lovely dates with Moonlight - a fancy dinner for Valentine's Day, dinner and a Marvin Hamlisch tribute concert at the Seattle Symphony, overnights and etc. Things are really good there, although we don't get together enough to suit her, and I feel bad about that. I don't know how some of y'all balance so many relationships! I've reached polysaturation with just two!

Fly and I have been a little up and down. I still feel like he takes me for granted, and have really been struggling to define what that means when he and I talk. He knows I love him ridiculously, and have put a lot of commitment into our relationship, so I feel like he doesn't think he needs to work very hard to "keep" me.

He's been a little stressed out because Notes has really been treating him like a boyfriend rather than a FWB, and he's pulling back from her. I know he enjoys the physical interactions, but the romantic dependence makes him uneasy. I think his excitement over the connection and finally getting to fulfill 10 years of sexual tension made it easy for him to gloss over and dismiss the complications of the situation. I've been trying to be supportive, but he's so private about his relationships that it's difficult. Plus, even though I haven't said "I told you so," we both know that I brought up all these elements at the beginning of the relationship, and to some extent he blew them off. Now that they've come around to bite him in the ass, there's some bruised pride. :rolleyes:

In happy news, I've reconnected with Punk, my former FWB. We haven't seen each other since last June, and texting has been sparse. However, we texted quite a bit last week, and he asked if we could hang out at his house. Upon hearing that Moonlight has requested that I not have sex with other people, he then suggested we meet for coffee so we can catch up in a neutral place. I'm so excited to reconnect with him, but it is going to be soooooo hard not to break boundaries. He's the best make-out partner I've ever had. ;) However, I am glad that he's interested in sustaining a friendship, even though sex is off the table for now, and perhaps indefinitely.
Hi, all you lovely people! :)

I am really struggling, and it's not something I expected at all.

When Moonlight and I first got together seriously, she requested that I not sleep/have romantic relationships with anyone but her and Fly. At the time, I readily agreed. There really wasn't anyone in my life that I wanted to pursue, and Punk and I had fizzled out. On top of that, I felt that my polyness was not particularly important to me, that it had arisen from my relationship with Fly, and that I could easily be monogamous again if it seemed appropriate.

However, over the last several weeks, I've been chafing under my self-imposed "biogamy," as Fly and I call it. :rolleyes: I've been short and irritable with Moonlight, less interested in sex with her, and feeling trapped and suffocated by her love. She constantly talks about me moving in with her, says that Fly will "deal with it" if I did, and says things like "there's no greater love than ours." It makes me feel like the walls are caving in around me.

I didn't really know why I felt like that until my coffee date with Punk. It was so incredibly nice to see him, but I felt so awkward. I was unsure if I could kiss him hello, or cuddle next to him in the booth, or what was appropriate or inappropriate behavior. Instead of freely being myself, I was constrained by the social expectations of a monogamous person. Even though he and I are just good FWB, I have a level of love and affection for him that, for the first time, made me feel guilty.

I'm beginning to think that my polyness is less a lifestyle choice, and more about who I am as a person and what I want for my life. And the more I contemplate that, the more I know that I need to talk to Moonlight, and tell her that I can't do the closed poly anymore. I hate that it's going to hurt her, and I know it may well be a deal breaker for her. I love her so much and I don't want to lose her, but I'm starting to feel resentful and I know she's picking up on it.

I need her to fully realize that I can't be everything she wants in a partner, and that isn't going to change. She relies on me for all her needs, and I absolutely know that I'm not meeting them, and I'm not willing to do what she wants to meet them (commit to her solely, move in with her, possibly get married, have babies). Additionally, I have to live in such a way that I feel happy and fulfilled, and I have very little joy to offer her when I'm so stifled and squashed. I want to have the autonomy to choose who I love and how I relate to them, and I don't think I'm a very kind partner when I don't have that.

So...I'm not sure how this is going to go. I could be losing a partner who means so much to me, for whom I have so much love. It's super scary. I think I'll probably be talking to her this weekend, so we shall see how it all goes down.

Wish me luck and think happy thoughts!
I hope the talk goes well for you.

It does sound like she has been choosing to ignore certain truths, and so her comments and expectations were unrealistic and even dismissive. Saying things like Fly would just deal with it if you move in with her, actually does come off as being disrespectful of what's important to you. She has probably let herself become very attached to you and is living in fantasy because of it. I am sure you will find a way to state what you need in a loving but firm way. Keep us posted.
Thanks Indie :)

It went better than I could have possibly believed!!! Although, I really have a bad sense of timing. :rolleyes:

I went over to Moonlight's house for dinner Friday night, and after we retired to the bedroom, she made some joke about keeping me to herself, and I busted out with, "You know I'm not monogamous, right? I've never cheated on our agreement, but you know that's not who I really am?" I probably shouldn't have brought it up right as we were getting down and dirty, but there it is.

She was quiet for a moment, and then she just lay beside me and told me to keep talking. It all poured out - how claustrophobic and pressured I'd been feeling, how afraid I was that it would be a deal breaker for her, but that I needed to be honest and authentic with her, that I loved her too much to keep a piece of me hidden away from her. She listened silently, and when I ran out of words, she asked me if I still want to be with her, if my feelings for her had changed at all. I immediately tried to reassure her that of course not, that it wasn't really about my feelings for her, it's about my feelings about myself.

We cuddled there on the bed for awhile, neither of us saying anything, just holding and breathing together. The next words out of her mouth flabbergasted me. She said, "I admire you. You're so brave. You know what you want, and you're not afraid to say it out loud. I wish I was able to do that."

We talked a bit about the flaws we both have with communication, and how much we love each other, how blessed we both feel. Her final comment was, "It might be hard, especially the first time you sleep with someone else, but I love you and I want you in my life more than I need you to be semi-monogamous. I don't want you to be boxed in by me, I love you and that includes all of you, not just the easy bits."

Then we had really amazing sex. :)

I feel like the walls have opened up and the world is at my feet! Even though it's grey and rainy today, it seems like sunbeams are streaming through the windows. If my life were a musical, I'd explode into a song and dance. Heck, I might anyway! :)
Oh, and we also talked a little about her dependency on me for all her needs. She still doesn't want to date other people, but she's agreed that she needs to be more respectful of my relationship with Fly, and my life choices.

Part of it is that she expresses romance through over-the-top statements and words. However, the typical rom-com/mono love story effusions make poly me itchy and uncomfortable. She's going to think about ways she can verbalize her feelings without putting so much pressure on me. She says she didn't really think about how saying the things she does would bother me, or make me feel like she's disrespecting Fly.

We're still not sure how we're going to navigate this aspect of our relationship, but we've both committed to working on it together, and to be patient with each other.
Part of it is that she expresses romance through over-the-top statements and words. However, the typical rom-com/mono love story effusions make poly me itchy and uncomfortable.

Something I learned the hard way, is that we tend to do/say the things we want/need from our partner, instead of doing/saying the things they need to feel loved. Where hearing the over-the-top sappy romantic stuff weirds you out (it does me too :p), maybe she is desperate to hear sappy sweet nothings from you, because that's what makes her feel loved (or one of the things).
Crappy timing is how I roll, but I am glad it went well! I have trouble understanding when partners want something they aren't getting and chafe at the bits instead of just bringing it up, I'll keep my fingers crossed that I can be that graceful next time somebody brings up the hard (for them at least ;) stuff, and thank them for their honesty)!
Something I learned the hard way, is that we tend to do/say the things we want/need from our partner, instead of doing/saying the things they need to feel loved. Where hearing the over-the-top sappy romantic stuff weirds you out (it does me too :p), maybe she is desperate to hear sappy sweet nothings from you, because that's what makes her feel loved (or one of the things).

I totally get this. I want to try to make her feel loved in the ways she needs to hear it, but it seems so insincere because these aren't things I would naturally say. I think I'll have to ponder ahead of time some things I can say that will give her what she needs without making me feel like a fraud. Perhaps I'll have to practice in the mirror. :eek:

Crappy timing is how I roll, but I am glad it went well! I have trouble understanding when partners want something they aren't getting and chafe at the bits instead of just bringing it up, I'll keep my fingers crossed that I can be that graceful next time somebody brings up the hard (for them at least ;) stuff, and thank them for their honesty)!

My relationship with her is a lot more "work" than any other in my (admittedly limited) experience, but one thing that makes it so rewarding is that she carries a lot of grace and generosity in her soul. She's found herself in love with someone who does not fit her vision of a partner in some very important ways, and yet she is so committed to making this work even when there are bumps and potholes along the way. And she makes me feel cherished and treasured in a way I've never been before.

I spent the night with her last night, and since our conversation last weekend, everything just feels lighter. I had so much fun with her, we're both so goofy and we laugh so much when we're together. We went out for drinks and a nutritionally naughty dinner (tempura fried bacon! Yowza! :eek:), before returning to the house for sexy times and snuggles. We're coming up on nine months together, which is my second-longest relationship, Fly and I being the longest. Even at times when polyamory is a pain in the ass, I still wake up grateful every day that this is my life. :D
And yay! After over a year, I've finally figured out how to do multiple quotes! I think I deserve a cupcake. :p