Random question that came up-Backgrounds checks

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Ren-Ren-Dreaming

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So is it weird to ask for a background check before you get serious with someone

There is an origin to this question.
I went on a date with this woman. Very chill but we ended up talking about my job.
When we got to the part where I told her that I got a background check every year when I got my cpr renewed she said with all seriousness; "oh, good we can skip that then."
When I asked what she meant she said that before she gets serious with anyone she asks for a background check.

It felt kinda weird. What do you think
 
Not something I've ever done or had requested. I guess she had a personal experience that made her want that type of security.
 
Hello Ren-Ren-Dreaming,

I don't even know how one goes about getting a background check. I guess I'm just kind of ignorant in that area.

It's unusual, let's put it that way. This is the first time I've heard of someone wanting a background check just for dating purposes. Still, I suppose it makes a kind of sense. People do sometimes ask for an STI screening, right?

This woman you were dating, was she also willing to get a background check done on herself? I assume yes.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
If she demands a background check before any sort of intimacy imagine how demanding she will be in a relationship.

Even if it’s out of some past trauma. That has “severe trust issue” baggage written all over it.

It could also be some sort of odd power play, have her provide you all her info including her social so you can do a background check on her, and watch how she responds.

I would never go on a second date with someone like that. That’s because I live a life of abundance and don’t have tolerate odd demands from women. Proceed at your own risk.
 
I would want to know the reasons and would make a decision based on that. It is odd, but I honestly wouldn't be too put off by it if there were (what I see as valid) reasons.


Terrible things happen to people every day. People have jobs with insane morality clauses. Security clearance can depend on close associates' backgrounds. Custody agreements can have bizarre stipulations. Public image can have impact. Dating someone with a questionable history can have real life consequences for some, and blind trust isn't always an option when it's make or break for your career or family.

So is it weird? Yep. Would I do it? Depends. If I did, I would definitely be doing it myself and redacting enough info to avoid identity theft AND asking new potential partner to do the same.
 
There are situations I could see wanting a background check on someone I was seeing. Especially if there were a chance they could ever be sharing space with my children. If everything else were going well and the person was someone I could see myself being with, and they told me they wanted to run a background check, I'd have no issue with it.
 
Ren-Ren-Dreaming said:
So is it weird to ask for a background check before you get serious with someone
Click to expand...

I would certainly say that is weird, as in outside the realm of normal expectation.

It would be a flag to me that I need to move even slower than I usually do with this person. There is clearly some trust baggage there that they have built an interesting procedure around. That doesn't mean that I would end our meeting or potential relationship, but there definitely won't be any sort of sexual contact until we know each other MUCH better.
 
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