reintroduction

hersweetleaf

New member
Ok, lets try this a second time.

what sent me to this forum?

well, hubs and I have been together a long time, together 11 years, married 4 years. we have a beautiful 2 year old boy who I take care of and my husband works in the technology sector. so I guess, after 10 years together, we decided to spice things up, initially seeking a threesome, we quickly became aware that we are not the random sexual encounter type of couple. so we were really honest with each other and have since became comfortable with this in the aspect that husband and I will date/see the same woman, as I cannot FATHOM being with another man, same with hubs. we want to date, and see the same woman, as a unit.

I hope it works out, everything happens for a reason.

thanks for reading this!! hope we can meet some awesome people. <3
 
Nothing wrong with "dating as a unit," though you'll get plenty of objections to that. But don't forget that you and he are separate human beings....and let her develop relationships with BOTH of you freely. If you're "requirement" is that she be intimate/emotional with both of you....that's fine. But I'd suggest not forcing her into it, but rather setting up the structure in such a way that she naturally phases out if she's not compatible...and so when the right woman DOES come along....she fits naturally into the equation.

For example, I dated a partner who wanted to find a woman for both of us. Neither of us had time to properly devote to another woman, but together we made a great package. So, any woman who wasn't interested in both of us eventually tapered off into a friend. But we never TOLD her she HAD to be with us both.
 
we have never forced her to do or say or act any way. we have told her from the beginning that we seek a relationship, and if she is uncomfortable and doesn't want to pursue that's fine, and we will be good as friends if that's what she wants. the ball is very much in her court, we just ask every once in a while to hang out. or she will suggest it and we follow through.

if it works out then so be it, if it doesn't, weve learned how to go about this new chapter in our lives with her help. =)
 
Awesome :) But suppose she wants to pursue relationships with both of you separately, either in addition or instead of pursuing a relationship with both of you together? That's what I meant.
 
I think if she were to completely get rid of this guy (hes an asshole) and on to a different guy it might be different. as it is right now, we are ok with her seeing him, but we don't have to like it just because he does treat her less than she deserves. if there is another guy somewhere down the line I would love to meet him and all that if it came down to it ya know. if that makes sense or answers the question, probably not very well. lol
 
Hey hersweetleaf,

I'm a little late showing up here, but I did want to welcome you aboard and send best wishes your way. It sounds like you've met a gal and are getting along with her pretty good, just wishing she'd dump the crap-o boyfriend and find another. That's understandable.

There should be plenty of good resources to tap into here. I noticed you're already quite active here and that's a good sign. Continue to read and post as you get the chance.

Welcome aboard! :)
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hello, Kevin. Thank you! its good being here.

We are just trying to maneuver this situation as best as we feel comfortable. heres to hoping it works out for the best, and if not, cheers to new found friendship and relationship security!

love,
Amy
 
I think if she were to completely get rid of this guy (hes an asshole) and on to a different guy it might be different. as it is right now, we are ok with her seeing him, but we don't have to like it just because he does treat her less than she deserves. if there is another guy somewhere down the line I would love to meet him and all that if it came down to it ya know. if that makes sense or answers the question, probably not very well. lol

I don't think anyone was asking you if you wanted to meet your new potential's current bf. Or future, less assaholic bf.

Just asking if, since you and your spouse want to date one woman together, as a unit, is it OK if this hypothetical woman also has another partner of her own, that she dates separately from you two.

If she's enmeshed with an annoying guy right now, but treats you two OK, ask her to really be with you when she's with you, and not texting him during your dates! That's a reasonable boundary.
 
I don't think anyone was asking you if you wanted to meet your new potential's current bf. Or future, less assaholic bf.

Just asking if, since you and your spouse want to date one woman together, as a unit, is it OK if this hypothetical woman also has another partner of her own, that she dates separately from you two.

If she's enmeshed with an annoying guy right now, but treats you two OK, ask her to really be with you when she's with you, and not texting him during your dates! That's a reasonable boundary.

its completely ok, as long as he treats her with respect. we feel very protective of her for some reason. we would love to be able to say that when shes with us, shes with us completely, but being as we have never defined our relationship (so far, STILL just friends feeling), so I don't feel like we have the right to say that. at the time, they were still together, but now she broke up with him (again), so I don't know how things will work out. just wait and see I guess.
 
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