Relationship with me

L

Livingmybestlife

Member
I currently am living with my husband. We aren't sexually active togather for a variety of reasons. low libido on his part, mine just kinda of not feeling wanted by him and just not into another human right now.

My last serious relationship ended on a toxic note over a year ago. I miss him but know he is very toxic and not able to be in an honest relationship. I have dated some very nice people since then. No real spark.

My child is seriously ill and going through a very hard diagnosis and trial by error stop gaps to help her cope with pain, symptoms of her problem and depression and isolation due to her illness.

I met someone I click with. He is hot sexy and I like how he thinks. However, I am thinking this would not be a good time to start a relationship. This would be diverting myself from working on myself and kinda of like using drugs to cope with a very stressful situation.

My support group is all in bandage mode themselves, parental illiness etc.

I gucess I am trying to say is I feel weird that I need to pass on this relationship so I can stay focused on my self care and my child. Does any of this make sense. I think I need some kind of validation and my husband Bear is not of help with that.
 
Makes sense to me. Sometimes one is willing but not able. Sometimes one is able but not willing. And neither of those is BOTH willing and able.

It's ok if you decide to pass because it isn't the right time for you. It's ok to do that.

Galagirl
 
Maybe your hot, sexy guy you click with would consider being a friend only for a while, someone to have a beer or coffee with, go for a walk with and give you a hug and maybe a brief back rub , a smile and a kiss. There is always the possibility of jumping each others bods at a later date. Maybe just spending an hour a week with him would charge your batteries enough to help get thru the difficult stuff you are going thru.

m
 
Hi Livingmybestlife,

It's totally up to you whether you pursue a romantic prospect, as well as what reasons you base the choice on. Just focus on whatever you feel you need to focus on at this time.

I hope some things get easier for you and yours.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
AW: Bauarbeiten in der Wohnung

I am thinking this would not be a good time to start a relationship. This would be diverting myself from working on myself and kinda of like using drugs to cope with a very stressful situation.
 
My hot sexy guy is remaining my texting and phone call buddy right now. I totally appreciate that. My child is worse, they have dx'ed 2 teenage onset syndromes and found an inherited condition. They feel there is another underlying condtion as well. She has 4 different doctor teams, a pain management psychologist and regular psychologist. These peeps are a 2 1/2 hour drive away.

I read everyone's posts, but after discussion with hot and sexy and the hubs, I need to be available to my child. Hot and sexy is totally cool with the wait, he is an paramedic and is really into health. So he totally gets it, he is very thoughtful with checking in with me and keeping me cheered up.

So I am working on keeping my self centered, working on relationship with hubs and I feel hot and sexy and I are growing our relationship through texts and calls. I have decided that when things get undercontrol health wise with my child, that Hot and sexy will be my yummy sundae covered in chocolate sauce and I will have delicious treat. He is good that and my hubs is as well.

Thanks for your support
 
Good luck, keep us posted.
 
updating

My child is still I'll. We have been to a second diagnostic childrens hospital one of the best in the US. We found 4 incurable conditions, but the blessing is they are not terminal they are painful but my warrior princess being out of school for 2 years and at 16 being pretty isolated got suicidal. Good news is no active plan and we had appointment with her psychologist at children's hospital in the am, got her in play asap. So when my dd saw her we figured out the issues and got her in a partial day program.

Good things from that. My daughter was bullied by a group of boys when she was 5, 6 ,7. I had her in therapy. However discovered she is terrified when boys come near her. She got freaked that one of the boys got angry the first day. Well as it turns out this boy has social anxiety as well he was angry over some boy being disrespectful to a girl there. Ironically my dd fell for him and is now dating him. She is 16. She had a little fun issue and I took her in and the gym shamed her for masturbation, they make you leave the room at some point. She told me when I got home I was so angry. We had more fun issues and we took her to children's hospital adolescent medicine doctor. He was appalled at how she was treated. Reaffirming what I said masterbation is natural. Due to her illness and irregularities he decided she needed birth control after discussions with her and with he migraines gave her the depo shot. Now she talks to me after every new experience and I knew things had progresses to oral. The boyfriend we have spend a lot of time with. He got the point my daughter's talks openly about sex with me, I ended up having a very frank conversation saying I was taught that having sex before marriage was worn, my husband was taught to be a shame of sex. Our goal especially with her illnesses is safe and sane. That if either has questions we are here for that. He has been very respectful of not pushing her. He was given e this past summer without his knowledge by a girl and apparently she took his virginity. He has no memories of it.

He is was not going to ask her out he didn't feel he was up worthy of her. That she was to good for him. My daughter is quiet and shy. But she is not only in my eyes but walking down the street people shouting things to her about her body and her face. One of the girls finally told him my daughter was into him an He tried to arrange a group thing it fell apart and she said to him why can't you and I just hang out and go to the movies. He admitted his fears. He was so sweet he got a gift for her and when she opened it it said will you go out with me.

Who knows why I am doing this verbal vomit. But my dd had told him she didn't want to have sex for a long awhile for maybe another year. As it turns out we took them away this weekend. We had a suite. They ended up having intercourse. She told me the next morning. On a scale of how it worked she had a really good experience. I find myself being omg my 16 year old had sex. But I didn't give that to her. I did end up letting him know I know and it was fine that I was just wanting safe and sane. It came up when he and I were alone.

Seems like he is needing some parenting. Plus he ends up dealing with her if she get potsie. Which means fainting or lighted headed or drunken walking. So he an I have developed a.relationship.

So we have one more underlying condition to find waiting in Que for the doctor's. They are thinking fibromyalgia.

So. I am having more time. My husband and I are being sexual again. But I need to set up a date with hot and sexy guy. I am not sure I haven't been friend zoned we will see. But if so there are other fish in the sea.

I just find it funny my poly life has been on hold for her and now she is active and dating and I am not.
 
Sounds like your daughter is growing up. :)

Thanks for your update, I'm sure things will be fine, just take it one day at a time.
 
I am a strong believer of marriage. Even though we had a triad with my wife's female lover for most of our 40+ year marriage, our marriage always came first. When we moved away from our girlfriend (how could I not fall in love with her too), we got into a situation like you are in. My wife lacked any interest in sex just with me and my libido was very low.

My wife had medical problems that were going to require major surgery and I fell into a deep depression. I did not want our marriage to die as I knew that getting it back on track would solve our problems. First thing was a doctor visit and he put me on antidepressants. I no longer woke up every morning feeling like why bother to get out of bed. The type of pills I was taking increases libido rather than messing up your sex life like all the others do. I got happy and horny again.

Next my wife's problems. First off was getting her surgery scheduled. I know that she was scared and that affected her mood. She had the surgery and is now on month 7 of recovery. It will take at least a year to get to 90% of normal. After the 3rd month her surgeon said we could have sex again but the few positions we could use were not comfy looking and required a chair or me standing, etc.. So intercourse was out of the question. We had not had intercourse for longer than we can remember but this surgery is supposed to fix that problem eventually.

What to do? We talked. Why did she not want to have sex with me? First off was that I gained weight during my depression and she is a tiny women at 4' 11" and 90 lbs. OK, so I went on a diet and lost 40 lbs. Next was that without another female in bed with us, it was not as enjoyable. She got used to threesomes, and I got that because I felt the same way. However, there was only two of us now and we needed to make it work.

The first thing I did was schedule two nights a week for sex, even if we were tired and just wanted to lay there and talk. No matter what, we showered and got naked in bed. Kind of felt like a teenager again getting ready for a date and not knowing if I was going to get lucky again.

I will spare you the details but what worked for us was that we focused sex on my wife for a change. She did not have to reciprocate. I knew that when she closed her eyes, grabbed her vibrator and told me to be quiet, that she was thinking of her girlfriend but that was a start. Over time she let me give her orgasms. Then she started to become arouse with just me. Now we are back on track and our marriage is good again and so is our sex life.

Try talking and there are medications that can take care of erectile and libido problems that are worth a shot. I live in a retirement center and those problems are commonplace and treatable. Good luck and I wish you the best.
 
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