River's Blog

Another lovely two hour long phone date with FarawaySweetie this afternoon. One of these days we'll have to light candles on our respective tables and toast with some good wine!

Alternatively, we could have a brunch date and whine about our burnt toast.:D
 
Praise be for the pain of love!
The way the seed breaks open and flowers shortly.
The wash of flood!
The breaking finally free.
And still there is the pain of love.
Its growing pains.
Not so final, after all.
Praise for the pain of love.
For the joy and the pain of love.
 
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Coming to the end of the trail that goes always forward, dips into the unknown, darkness and mud, rain.... Smiles, searching, searchless, songs and poems and moons and crickets.... It becomes possible to realize these bodily sensations we call pain as the reaching they have always been, reaching from the known into the Mystery. Mystery which sings Welcome. Mystery, which has room for it all, which Welcomes it all.
 
I've just had a very rough patch. Let us just say that this guy I had thought was a friend has treated me -- repeatedly -- with extraordinary unkindness and insensitivity. That would be the one I called "long lost love". We went to a queer men's gathering together. I won't tell the details here, but I will welcome kind and loving / comforting words. I'll recover. The emotional pain was so severe that I had physical pain because of it. And, no, I was not hoping for "romance" with him. I was hoping for a human connection, some warmth, some tender presence.... Overall, I got none of that. Indeed, he kept brushing me off for More Important Things/Persons, and to an extreme. Long story I shall not tell here.

At least I'm making lemonade from all of these lemons! And this all helped me to appreciate the people in my life who really are true friends and loves--especially Kevin and "FarawaySweetie" -- whom I just spent time with on the phone. She's such a joy!
 
That does sound difficult. You certainly do not deserve unkindness or insensitvity. The exact opposite I would think..

I hope you are starting to feel better...I really do. These episodes can leave bruises which take a little time, so you need to be extra kind to yourself whilst the bruises heal. Sometimes it is the case that people struggle with connection...I think that can often be based on issues around vulnerability. Well, their loss..

So keep surrounding yourself with the people that carry and bring joy...
Warmth from here :)
 
Thanks, Bella!
 
Just remember, he acted that way not because of a problem with you but because of a problem with him. If you keep reminding yourself of that, sometimes compassion can replace the pain. Not to take him off the hook, of course, just to reframe things.
 
Thanks, Annabel!
 
River,

You are beautiful. I'm sad to hear you weren't treated well by your friend, but I'm glad that you choose to look to the love in your life in this situation, instead of being blinded to it by disappointment. You are a rare gem and I appreciate your soul and the sharing of it with us, as always.

Press on, brother, like only you can.
-R
 
Thanks RC!
 
Happy Camper

My two Sweeties talked at length on the phone last night, obviously enjoying one another's company. This after exchanging emails a while.

Now they are growing their own friendship, independent of me.

Happy, happy.:)

Edit: 12:28 -- Lovedrunk. Drugged on love.
 
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:) Will do, thanks!

... and she says our first kiss will be on the tip of my nose! Gotta love her.
 
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Girls!











(& doncha give me crap for saying 'girls' and not 'women' -- i know! jeeze. you can throw out a 'boys' now and then; you get a pass.)
 
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It was on a day when Joe discovered that the threading on the mayo jar was backwards that he finally had to ask, Am I dreaming? The whole week had been like that. Come to think of it, all of life had been like that. Things just weren't quite right. They were a little off. Take the girl with the Jello on the sidwalk who recited Laurie Anderson lyrics, if that's what they are. Take the way the moon appeared just a little too large on the horizon.

And there was the way people would agree to meet at such and such a time and such and such a place and yet they would not. And it wasn't just Jan, Joe, Ron, Bob, Joy, nor any other people with three letter first names. It was also four letter and five letter named people. They too were a little off. The moon and the dates were off, and most of all it was just off, the way the Great World Machine ate people for lunch, for dinner, for breakfast. The way it fogged their heads and smogged their hearts. And pretty soon they are calling death and destruction by the name: progress. Success. Forward momentum, growth....

You've been asleep, Joe. Joe, wake up. Joe you are dreaming. Joe, JOE! Joe, it's a nightmare. It's a dream!
 
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:)
 
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neegoola said:
i can see It! i can clearly see Ireland from here! ooohhh, dear River, now everything is so...amusing and fine and lovely and...wait, i HAVE to cry!!!

thousand and one hugs to your heart!
Click to expand...

Perhaps Neegoola will erase that post, now that I've asked her to in a private message, since she asked.... Well, you see, I wrote a post I later found silly. And she found it wonderful and lovely. Yet I erased it. But now she wants to cry and ... now everything is so...amusing and fine and lovely.
 
Faraway Sweetie and I just had another phone conversation/date. We talked about how nice it will be to soon be in physical proximity, to share activities like cooking, eating, drawing, meditating... I said what I always do, "Anything with you." I'd like to do most anything with her. It is the with her part... I'd even go shoe shopping for her shoes with her, I would. And I'd enjoy it, because I'd be with her.

There was lots of warmth and laughter.

I'm researching trains and buses and fares. (I prefer ground travel.)

I've edited out the R-rated part.
 
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