Princess.Ismay
New member
Hey all. My name is Ismay. I got into my first polycule back in March and for a while it was fantastic. I had joined into a couples relationship with a friend-A and her husband-R. I was told it was a healthy and stable relationship. I have been poly for years, but this was my first time getting to experience a relationship.
I had always made sure to ask questions and communicate, especially around intimate time between both or only 1 partner at a time. The answer I was given was it was acceptable that intimacy could happen between all 3 of us, or any 2 of us. A went on a vacation and I spent some time alone with R that was communicated before A left.[nothing sexual/intimate occured]. But after A came back she kept saying I overstepped boundaries and that R and I were cheating on A because she thought things had happened.
A never wanted to sit down and have a discussion about this no matter how much we begged, and A's assumptions kept getting worse no matter what we told her. A asked for space, and in the middle of the 3 of us spending time together, she'd leave to go see someone else, leaving R and I together...even though though A didn't like us alone together. We gave her space and started hanging out more, where we both started developing deeper feelings for each other.
Now A is blaming me for their separation, when clearly this relationship was not strong when I joined. The had separated before and when I first met A, she was engaged to someone else. It had been a few years and I didn't question her getting back with her ex-R.
Looking back I caught so many red flags, but it was my first poly relationship and I didn't see them at the time. A miscommunicated so much and R and I realised she had about 3 other partners, but it wasn't ok that R had a relationship with me. I had tried getting into a deeper relationship with A because I've liked her for years, but she said she was not good at committing to female relationships. I hate looking back and seeing all of the messed up things that happened in our relationship. But out of that R and I have developed such a strong bond and I've never felt safer and happier in a relationship. I wouldn't have met him without this experience and both of us couldn't be happier together. A finally started pushing for divorce (they had previously been heading toward legal separation but never finalized). R and I have conversations about all the hard stuff constantly and he's been emotionally detached from her for a while but I know things get sticky leagally when going through a divorce and dating someone else.
On top of that, they have a kid.. I don't want to damage what parental rights he may get awarded by just being in a relationship with him. Their daughter knows me very well and I used to spend lots of time with her, where she would even start calling me her second mom (she didn't know of our triad) just that I spent lots of time over there and I would take care of her too. I've always had such a soft spot for children. I'm afraid that A will manipulate situations in negotiations because she has called me mentally unstable and childish because of my disabilities. (I'm mildly autistic and have anxiety disorders) I've been told by R that their daughter still asks about me. R and I know that A can become very manipulative and say whatever she wants to turn a situation her way.
We've been secret about our relationship but he doesn't deny we're together if we are out in public.
I'm just trying to navigate all this and not burden R with all my emotions as he navigates this himself. I love him and I want to do what's best for him and his daughter. I know this was a lot and took a lot of turns. Any advice or information would be very inciteful.
I had always made sure to ask questions and communicate, especially around intimate time between both or only 1 partner at a time. The answer I was given was it was acceptable that intimacy could happen between all 3 of us, or any 2 of us. A went on a vacation and I spent some time alone with R that was communicated before A left.[nothing sexual/intimate occured]. But after A came back she kept saying I overstepped boundaries and that R and I were cheating on A because she thought things had happened.
A never wanted to sit down and have a discussion about this no matter how much we begged, and A's assumptions kept getting worse no matter what we told her. A asked for space, and in the middle of the 3 of us spending time together, she'd leave to go see someone else, leaving R and I together...even though though A didn't like us alone together. We gave her space and started hanging out more, where we both started developing deeper feelings for each other.
Now A is blaming me for their separation, when clearly this relationship was not strong when I joined. The had separated before and when I first met A, she was engaged to someone else. It had been a few years and I didn't question her getting back with her ex-R.
Looking back I caught so many red flags, but it was my first poly relationship and I didn't see them at the time. A miscommunicated so much and R and I realised she had about 3 other partners, but it wasn't ok that R had a relationship with me. I had tried getting into a deeper relationship with A because I've liked her for years, but she said she was not good at committing to female relationships. I hate looking back and seeing all of the messed up things that happened in our relationship. But out of that R and I have developed such a strong bond and I've never felt safer and happier in a relationship. I wouldn't have met him without this experience and both of us couldn't be happier together. A finally started pushing for divorce (they had previously been heading toward legal separation but never finalized). R and I have conversations about all the hard stuff constantly and he's been emotionally detached from her for a while but I know things get sticky leagally when going through a divorce and dating someone else.
On top of that, they have a kid.. I don't want to damage what parental rights he may get awarded by just being in a relationship with him. Their daughter knows me very well and I used to spend lots of time with her, where she would even start calling me her second mom (she didn't know of our triad) just that I spent lots of time over there and I would take care of her too. I've always had such a soft spot for children. I'm afraid that A will manipulate situations in negotiations because she has called me mentally unstable and childish because of my disabilities. (I'm mildly autistic and have anxiety disorders) I've been told by R that their daughter still asks about me. R and I know that A can become very manipulative and say whatever she wants to turn a situation her way.
We've been secret about our relationship but he doesn't deny we're together if we are out in public.
I'm just trying to navigate all this and not burden R with all my emotions as he navigates this himself. I love him and I want to do what's best for him and his daughter. I know this was a lot and took a lot of turns. Any advice or information would be very inciteful.