He knew what I meant when I said to get a girlfriend, it was very specific in getting someone when I’m not around. And quite frankly I find a woman who literally lied about everything she said and willing to bareback a stranger after 2 hours not girlfriend material. I would not allow that and he knows that. It comes down to she was and is money hungry woman and took him for granted. Her text a week later proves it. He did put his health and my health at risk, and his test proves that. It started out as she was asking people in the casino for money and he ended up giving it to her and communicating with her for 2 hours before deciding and making a conscious decision to have sex with her without a condom and trusting a complete stranger with his health. Hopefully his test will prove me wrong but it’s not looking good at the moment. I found more information on that woman in 5 minutes with just knowing her first name then he did in the 2 weeks of communicating with her. He didn’t know she had a significant other because she lied about that. I don’t blame him for her cheating on her man, that was her decision to do so, she had just enough time following him to the house to decide she wasn’t going to do that, she chose against it. She has to live with that decision, not me.There are a lot of words and excuses here, and a bit too much self-sacrifice. It is very important in polyamory (or any open relationship) to be quite specific about boundaries and negotiations.
The first problem is, he thought he had your consent to have a real gf. To fall in love, to bond, to date. Not just to have anonymous sex with.
The second problem is he thought it was OK to have bareback sex with a brand new gf, as part of being "open" with her. This is very naive.
The next problem is, he hid the bareback sex from you, knowing it put your sexual health at risk. He'd already risked his own sexual health, and the other woman had risked hers too, and that of her husband.
The next problem is, he started trying to date a woman who was cheating on her husband. That was not ethical on either of their parts.
The next problem is, you are putting his feelings ahead of your own. You have a right to feel hurt, scared, upset, depressed, anxious or anything else by this severe misunderstanding and betrayal.
Finally, what adult thinks they can only catch a STD from a "hooker" and not any other sexually active person out there? What the heck?
I do put his needs and feelings before mine because I do love him that much. I know that I need to put myself and my needs and feelings before his. It’s a long road ahead of us and I’m praying that he can see that we both need to work on ourselves before ever thinking about him finding a fuck buddy again.
He’s never contracted an std and was extremely naive or stupid believing strangers don’t lie about shit like that.
I’m glad she’s completely out of the picture now. I’ve got to learn to think positive when negative feelings start rising. I’ve got to understand and believe him when he says he didn’t consciously hurt or betray me. It’s a long road but I’m willing to work past this knowing people do make mistakes. It’s obvious he was thinking with his wrong head for those 2 weeks.