Sailing Solo

The ex was an ass about the cupcakes, repeatedly said we had the wrong day for Father's Day. :( Idiot.
The city trip has been incredibly good so far. I had Monday and Tuesday to take myself around the sites that I had a particular interest in. It was such a luxury to be able to spend as much time as I wanted looking at things that interest me and not be concerned about anyone else's needs or wants.
Prof joined in for the past 2 days and said he appreciates the effort that I put into research and booking certain things to see. It is my happiness to research travel and we have are able to meet int the middle with areas of interest. He has asked me to come on another trip in 2 weeks time as it is "fantastic" to have me with him. aww :Ds It does clash with my next tennis Meet-up. I got another message from one of the men.
He has been hilarious about worrying about me riding the public transport system. I just nodded my head and let him explain it to me and then I had to have a talk in a slightly serious tone of voice about it becoming slightly insulting. One of us has used public transport networks for most of their life. It is hardly rocket science.
I have been hinting gently around the edges of me dating again. He asks me why I feel that I need to, I reply that I want to experience situations with different people. I detect some possessiveness which I don't like. A number of people have told me that I make the same mistake over and over which is expecting people to treat me with same behaviors that I treat them and then end up not knowing how to deal with unexpected responses. I don't expose Prof to any jealous or possessive feelings that I may have, which to be honest aren't many, but in return I expect the same from him. Keep your own feelings to yourself!
On a different note, I am meeting his sister and family tomorrow night. She doesn't know that he had an open relationship with Ms Text so "How long has he known me?" The lie is less than a year, the truth is over 2 years. I told him I am not prepared to lie so I will redirect any question like that to him. He said she only needs to know that he is " happy and in love." I am surprised that he is still wants to be in the closet but will respect that he wants to his maintain his privacy.
No word from Kip. The fade is looking to be a success.
 
The dinner went fine, I didn't say much at all, they caught up on family news.
The rest of the trip continued to be great fun, exploring, eating and lots of sex. Prof got us upgraded for the flights home but the seats were split. He said he would rather use the air miles for him and me and not him and #2 kid. Then he said he didn't want to upgrade if we couldn't sit together but the airline wouldn't return the miles if we did that. We tried to swap seats but no-one would go for it. I ended up swapping with a kid so he could sit next to his mother. Strange that people won't change seats, an aisle for an aisle or window for window.
We are heading to Prof's for the 4th. The kids asked to stay overnight like last year and Prof said he was expecting them. I am not keen, I think it is easier to come home and not have to worry about them breaking things or making a mess. But looks like I have been over-ruled.
Nothing happening in the meeting people world, maybe have tennis next weekend.
 
While I was writing the above. Kip called and left a message and asked me to call when I get back from holiday. So he has no idea I have broken up with him and I am 3 weeks into No Contact. So much for the quiet fade plan. Or do I simply not respond and let him work it out?
 
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Atlantis said:
While I was writing the above. Kip called and left a message and asked me to call when I get back from holiday. So he has no idea I have broken up with him and I am 3 weeks into No Contact. So much for the quiet fade plan. Or do I simply not respond and let him work it out?
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Do not respond! That should be enough of a clue.
 
I replied to Kip before you replied to me NYC.
From his message he thought I was camping somewhere with no phone signal. I didn't want him to think something bad had happened and call the Rangers! I wrote one sentence and I said I had been home but was fading out. He replied this morning with "Well, I miss playing with you."
I have a feeling there will be follow up messages from him and a phone call or 2. I don't want to speak to him because I might be tempted to tell him truth and that I find him boring.
Prof asked me on another trip but I can't take anymore time off work. He said he will try and change his work plans to accommodate me, I told him not to, I don't want to turn it into a hassle to arrange. He seems to want me to go with him more than care about making phone calls to change his work schedule. Of course I would love to go. The ex has got the kids for another week so we both don't want to miss the opportunity for adult free time. I am tempted to OKC again too :D
The kids are not keen to go back the ex, they did one trip to the park in a week and mostly watched tv or played indoors. I am going to buy them tickets for the local pool and the ex said he would take him if I paid. I said I would buy bus passes too but he didn't want them. According to the kids he watches tv all day and doesn't want to do anything with them. Somethings never change.
Time to do some food prep, Happy 4th!
 
Prof can't make the next trip work for me so he will go alone, but it is only for 2 nights. We sat and went through calendars last night and have a good outline of things up until mid-December.
I decided to ask about his dating and how things are going. He said he is seeing new people and the he will update the list which seems like the easiest thing to do. I proposed a dating check-in around each quarter and he said that was fine with him and a BDSM play date on the first Wednesday of each month when possible. I feel, once again, that I should be more open to dating and other-partner types of discussion.
So the No Contact break-up isn’t turning out to be as simple as I thought. Kip has called and messaged. He said again that he thought I was out of the country but now realizes that I don’t want to talk to him. He wants to see me and wants to discuss any problems. It was rather naïve of me to think that he would give up easily as I have been terrible for breaking up and then relenting a few days later. I thought I was 3 weeks into NC, but in his world it has only been 3 days.

The weekend was fantastic. The street party was great, the pack of kids had a4th of July party experience that they will remember for years. The youngest was 1 year old, the oldest 10, and there were about 10 kids at any one time. They played Bocce, street hockey, a bolas type game, squished themselves into and onto kiddie cars, there were simple fireworks and watching the neighbourhood rockets, lots of glo-sticks and glo toys, food…
I was very proud of my 2, they behaved very well. The sleep over went perfectly, there was one set of muddy bare foot prints across the kitchen floor, but no other messes or breakages. Prof was delighted at the whole event. The other parents were saying that this is what living in a little street in a quiet neighbourhood is all about. The expectation is that next year will be a little bigger! We had a birthday party in a park on Sunday so more fun and more running about; they were very tired this morning.
I put my OKC profile back up on Saturday. I wrote in it that I am seeing someone, but left the status part as single. I think that is enough information for public consumption.
I had a lovely chat with Prof in bed last night. He asked me what I was thinking about and I replied that I should tell him how happy and in love I am but how rarely I say it out loud. He said that he knows and is ok with me only saying it only on occasion. I asked him when he fell in love with me, he said he can’t remember a time when he wasn’t in love with me. He said he had deep feelings from early on and was in love long before I asked him about it last August. Not precise enough for me, so we pinned it down to about 6 months after we meet. It is fair to say I was very surprised at that. I will reread my blog and see when I thought it was happening for me. Possibly around spring/ summer last year, when he asked to be included in activity plans and we started glamping.
 
I read my blog from August last year up till now. Good grief but I do the same behaviors over and over. It did help me put Kip into perspective. I have been really dithering over whether to return his calls and messages and feeling guilty about not letting him have his say, but the reading put it all into perspective. I was reminded of many things that I never wrote about and just let go at the time. I don't need to rehash any of it with him.
I am really struggling with my kids being with their dad. I know they didn't want to go for the second week and dropping them off on Monday was heart wrenching for all of us. Their attitude was that they had done their "time" and did not understand why they had to do it again. "But we don't dooo anything, Mummy." :(
I was chatting to someone from OKC but think I scared him off. He seemed to want to just email chat then text and after some gentle hints about meeting I bluntly said how about we chat about this stuff in person. We set up a night, Saturday, which sucks for a first meet IMO, he asked what to do, I said happy hour drinks and snack works for me and he said he would find a place and get back to me. I am not wasting time on texting only to find there is no connection in real life. He is in an open relationship which sounded promising but then wanted to talk about his GF. :rolleyes: I have sent out a few emails but mostly been hit up by the usual cougar chasers, and those with razor and hairbrush allergies. Spending that week in the City reminded me that I have thing for men with some sense of personal style and grooming habits. Seeing them on the train in shirts, proper shoes, smooth faces and a touch of aftershave. :D yum.
 
I probably have the only phone service that does not allow blocking. :rolleyes:
I don't think I have seen him since the end of March and in total less than a handful of times this year. He is being more determined to connect than I thought he would given the lack of effort either of us has put in. I read the number of times that I have asked for changes and the promises given in return and I cannot find it in me to speak to him and listen to the crap.
 
Atlantis said:
I am really struggling with my kids being with their dad. I know they didn't want to go for the second week and dropping them off on Monday was heart wrenching for all of us. Their attitude was that they had done their "time" and did not understand why they had to do it again. "But we don't dooo anything, Mummy." :(
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That's so sad. Can you talk to your ex about that, and let him know that the kids complain about not doing anything when they're there? Seems pretty fundamental that he needs to pay attention to them when they're with him!
 
NYC, I totally hear what you are saying and I am trying to make things easy. I bought him 3 sets of swim passes and offered to buy bus passes. I am not giving him cash due to the drinking prroblem. He lives 1.5 miles from the nearest beach and the bus stop is 100 metres from his front door. There are all kinds of parks in easy distance and the local library is less than .5 mile away, it has story time, craft time, a park attached there too, I bought them scooters and let him keep them there….I don’t know what else to do and suggest. He knows what is available but he has always been useless when it comes to activities, it drove me mad when we were married. The things I did manage drag him to he attended with a sour mood, so the list is fairly short because I used to go alone and then it was just me and the kids doing stuff. He likes to drink, watch sports and not be responsible. I kick myself frequently for ever getting involved with him and giving my kids such a useless lump of a parent. He hasn’t seen 2 of his children in 8 years; not since I paid for the last set of tickets for him to go. I taught both of the other kids how to ride a bike. I didn’t know about Red Flags, there was no way to Google “Is this what normal Dad’s do?”
Prof told me to book camping for next weekend and we will take them to an outdoor evening event too, then, one more week of Daddy boredom before we fly off for 3 weeks of family and fun. We have been counting down for months and I am trying to keep them and me focused on the big vacation. I have to admit I cried last night, I felt so bad for making them go back. :(

I have an OKC date for Saturday afternoon, this is the guy who I thought I had scared away. Turns out he realized he had double booked and was trying rearrange, he texted me later last night but I didn’t reply till today, was not in the mood last night.

I am having a hilarious, in that it is so ridiculous, conversation with an OKC guy who lives hours away he says he travels this way for work. He obviously hasn’t read my profile and likes my “sexy pics.” :eek: He enjoys quiet nights in and “cuddling”. I hate the word “cuddling” it is creepy. I replied I like to go out and have fun. I have received a few emails from men looking for their next wife. It has mostly been very quiet. Middle-aged women with small kids and a lover not in high demand?!? Surprising.;)

Kip quit calling and messaging today. He called way after my bed time last night, I was up much later than usual and saw the phone flash. Wow, he still has no idea about my schedule, he has no idea because he doesn’t care.

Dinner and a quiet night in with Prof tonight. I am feeling pretty flat today and he is flying out early tomorrow morning. He postponed one meeting so he could stay in town for the usual Weds night meeting, so I need to give myself a shake and quit whining. The man is so very good to me.
 
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Kip called this morning and left a message. He has no idea if I am out of the country, back woods camping or something else is up.
I was thinking last night that there is no left over business between us, no toothbrush, or spare pair of socks, no tickets or event that we were looking forward. I have no photos because we never went anywhere together. Pathetic for nearly 3 years of seeing each other, but also very handy for avoiding unnecessary meet-ups.
I had lots of relationship chat with Prof last night, we used the list as a jumping off platform, who knew it would turn into a good thing? Certainly not me. I got some clarity on a few things that he has repeatedly told me but I did not understand the underlying reasons or expected language for.
For him, regular check-ins are about not being blindsided by changes in expectations, which has happened to him in the past, such as imagining the relationship is monogamous, wanting babies ( at least 2 women ) , hoping for marriage, dumped with no warning ( that one was for me ). He very much gets that I don’t want to hear the misery stories but would like to discuss dating partners with me. He would like to have regular relationship check-ins, not only about things between us but things with other partners. He said if I need to schedule it on the calendar then that is fine . He wants reassurances, in the form of statements. ( I asked for exact examples of what this means). He told me that “This… (relationship) and you are very important to me, very important. I want this to go on for a long time.” He tells other partners that he has someone he sees regularly who has young children. He likes that we long range plan. I said it makes me nervous but is unavoidable with kid schedules and purchasing tickets.
He wants to know about my “dating” and we went over what, when and how much I wanted to share. I did tell him that I have a date this weekend. He had no idea I was active on OKC again (huh?) no idea what was going on with Kip and no idea what was going on with the Meet-Up group. We discussed that I do things in cycles of interest level especially dating. I get interested, meet a few people, and then give it up again for a while. He said there are chunks of my life that he knows nothing about and it is disconcerting. There is the additional cycling of interest in relationship discussions and these are predictably tied to my period (Erm, yes, my period started 48 hours ago) And “emotional overflow” is noticeably worse a couple of times of year. (Erm yes, to that too ) But I am good at giving a warning and being open to being told that my response is not within my normal range.
When I arrived at his last night he asked how I was feeling. I have initiated 0 contacts in the past 3 days apart from one kissy face emoticon.
In response I handed him an “emergency kit” with tea, biscuits and chocolate to take on a short flight with one night away. In the past year he has had 3 international trips of up to 2 weeks long, multiple shorter trips frequently of around 7-10 days long and here I am giving him an emergency kit for one night. A prime example of behavior not being within my normal range. He thought it was sweet and was very good at not laughing. :eek:
I need to message Kip. ugh.
 
A fairly short message exchange with Kip. He wanted to talk on the phone. I said no, it had all been discussed. He wanted details and to try and work it out. I said I was bored with the lack of anything but fucking. He left it that he still wanted to see me and I should call him.
 
nycindie said:
The man wants pussy, dammit!
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Nooooooo. He misses the wonderfulness that is me. All the quality and fun things we used to do together like...erm...stuff and...things. There was so much more to it than sex, (the sex was really really good) you are forgetting the tea and biscuits and all the other fun activities. I would write a list but it would be so long and take up too many pages.

I went on an OKC meet n greet tonight, OKHike. I am open to meeting him a second time. Not sure if there is much of an attraction but he is the first man I have met in a while that was not an instant "No". He is intelligent and active, no beard and no mention of fishing or hunting. Let's see if he wants to set up a second meeting.

I miss my kids. :( As of yesterday the ex hadn't taken them swimming and they had been to the park once in 4 days.

I had a fun night with Prof. He hooked up a record player and we listened to some vinyl. I haven't flipped an album in years! Picking out tracks by lifting up the needle; it brought back so many memories of life before CDs. Records that stuck in the same place every time or skipped, at least mine did. :eek:
There was not too much fucking last night but this afternoon was excellent.

We chatted a little about his other partners. There was a chance that I would have met one today but the timing did not work out. I talked a little about the last 2 dates I went on. He pointed out that the recent dating and partner conversations have gone well and I said it is because we are sticking to generalities and not getting into relationship dynamics. I said again that I am not going to discuss who I am dating if I don't want to and I don't want to hear about problems in his other relationships. He said he liked that I had opened up a little recently because getting me to talk about dating was next to impossible.

We also established how much planning we want me to do for the trip and what things he would like to do. He said he knows I like planning trips and do a great job of organizing the scheduled stuff but also that I leave plenty of space for the things that just pop up. :D Basically, he said he fully trusts me to get the balance right and to plan till my heart's content :D
 
No text from OKCHike. I think that is for the best. Being open to meeting the second time isn't quite the same as a "Hell, yes."
I have a tennis OKC date in a few minutes. He sent an email saying "Let's play" and I replied, "How about this afternoon?"
Texting builds up such a false level of connection. I am will limit doing it till after I meet a person.
Prof changed the oil in my car for me. :) He is out of town again till Weds and we will have a hotel/city night when he gets back.
 
Ding Ding Ding, we have a "Hell Yes!" Or in my more restrained way, sure let's meet for dinner...tonight, he will if his other plans fall through.
He is married, always had an open marriage, and has other partners before. His wife has a LD BF. He lives very locally. I am attracted to him.
 
Atlantis said:
Ding Ding Ding, we have a "Hell Yes!" Or in my more restrained way, sure let's meet for dinner...tonight, he will if his other plans fall through.
He is married, always had an open marriage, and has other partners before. His wife has a LD BF. He lives very locally. I am attracted to him.
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Woooo-hoooo!!!!!
 
What is it about tennis? Dan popped his head back up a month after the last contact and asked to see me and play tennis. I replied a couple of days later and since then I have been "mirroring" his response time, giving it a day or two between replies. He was the one who asked threw out an actually day to play, not me trying to set something up. I would like to play with him, I think he is pretty good but also bossy so he won't hold back on advice.

I have another week of no-kids coming up and will try to fill the evenings as much as possible, this week away was much harder n all of us than the first. There were all kinds of tears at pick-up yesterday, too many nights away, they missed me, where is Prof, can we do something fun? I took quite a while to get them calmed down and they were like limpets all night. Little one was crying about going back today but it was only till I finish work so they agreed to go.We have the outdoor concert and camping this weekend so that mollified them somewhat. The ex took them swimming once and to the park once :rolleyes:

I will probably meet new man for tennis one night next week too. We did meet on Sunday night and had lots of smooching. It was very nice :D

Prof will be away for most of next week and return the day before we leave for the big trip. I don't how he does it. Probably helps he doesn't have to organize kids, house and animals.

I will have to start prepping in earnest so that will keep me distracted.
 
I am annoyed with Prof. There has been a certain amount of discussion over dating and what he wants he wants to know and what I want to tell. He thinks he is compromising by backing up his 'want to know' timeline from "Before I meet someone," to "After I have had sex." I grudgingly go along with this until it gets to the sex question. He thinks he should be able to ask what kind of sex I have and if it involves BD play. And of course he is flying off again for a week so we can't talk about it in person. Quite frankly I am ready to start shouting.
We are at an impasse and going round in circles. I don't want to discuss my other relationships and don't want to know about his. He says he is happy to share the details and it is not a balancing act of if I don't ask him then he doesn't get to ask me.
I want to do whatever, with whomever, whenever I want to. I give him the same space. He says he doesn't want to interfere with me having sex with other people. Maybe that is true, but he wants to have a big say in who I do have sex with. I don't think anyone is going to pass muster, there will be something wrong with everyone who is not Prof.
The timing sucks. He is away until the night before we go away. I want to go on holiday with no concerns other than how much more fucking I can get out of him before he needs a break!:mad:
On the other hand he is soooooooooo very good to me and the kids. As long as I have no interest/time to date then things are wonderful.
I am not asking for a DADT in the sense that if we see each other with other dates then we cross the street. OR IGNORE THEM ( like he did to me )
We have Mr Open and Share It All meets MS Leave me Alone to Do it My Way.
It is not worth breaking up over but we are very far apart on how we want to deal with this.
In a hissy fit I changed my OKC back to "single" and removed the "seeing someone" status part and my short blurb.
Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
 
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I decided to put the dating issues on the back burner for now. It is not usually constructive to try and hash out issues out long-distance, at least it isn't for me and I don't think it is fair to add on stresses while Prof is supposed to be focusing on work. I am learning to have a little patience! I also want to focus on the trip ahead and not be banging heads over hypotheticals, it can wait till we get back.
 
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