Sailing Solo


Active member
Thank you Pink Pig.
Oddly, taking the odd random day off work helped. It was a mental health day but I put it in as sick.
Such a weird time from March 13th onward.
My friends and work people all seem to be at the end of their resiliency.
I have very little left in my tank for the unexpected.

I had a big issue happen last week and I was all "meh".
It was not a meh" situation. I should have become quite upset and pushed hard for a resolution, but I made a low-key effort and it got resolved. 10 months of intensive effort and I ended up with "meh".
I think all my previous effort paid off, but at the last moment of this will not work", I mostly had given up. But I had laid 9.5 months of effort so it went through.

Putting one step in front of the other. Going through the motions.

This technique actually seems to work.

The rent cheque, food buying, shoes purchasing, medical paying stuff gets covered.

if you cover the physical, then you get to crash down into the emotional for a bit.

Baby Yoda is my current expressive emotional investment.

Shout at the tv. Dark sabre? Boba/Jango? Razor Crest.
Save the baby.

I can't watch "Picard" yet. I kind of think I should, and start to move on... but I am not even close.
Mr Green watched all but the last episode with me.
If you ever watch the last episode of season 1 you would get it.
In that moment/s I kind of sort of did, but really didn't.

Covid makes the world so terribly small. There is no place to go. Not really.


Active member
It's been a while...
Prof died a few weeks ago from cancer.
Ms Cherry got all the love as the primary. I got...left stuff in the Will.

I have lost 2 beloveds in less than 10 months to cancer.

With Mr. Green I found out on Facebook. It was mid Covid crazy, there was no public service. I still don't know where his remains are but I will send $ to the fund he set up before he died.

Prof. What do I say. Cancer did not change him. As my sister says " Cancer doesn't make anyone different." Up to the last minutes he was telling the lies and manipulating and the regular smoke and mirrors kind of stuff.

There is a Will. Very few mentions of actual stuff. He re-wrote his Will 3 weeks before he died. It does smack of mega doses of painkillers but contains enough legalese that the mainly named parties won't object.

I am doing denial. I really can't believe he will not participate in the activities we had planned,

The next trip was to Japan and the Godzilla hotel in Tokyo. Summer Olympics, and Covid, and Cancer messed up this years plans. I lived in Japan for 2 years and know how to get around and make it all work.

Thjs is the time of year that I asked for some help and he would help. And then there is the crazy October birthday season and then Halloween.

I really can't believe the crazy/poly is over.

I won't do poly again. My 2 people died. 2. 2. Can you imagine, 2. And I was nothing. I was cut out and shut down from all the family grieving processes. I am having to make my own ceremonies up for myself. And let me tell you, grieving alone is not good. All the stuff you read about Secondary Bill of Rights doesn't mean a thing.

Prof left me many things in the Will. The Will was divided up between between me, 1 of my children, his 2 children, and Ms Cherry.
Ms Cherry was rock star awesome.

The Will got sent out by the lawyers. The list of things he left me is very special and of monetary value. But his family have pretty much no idea of who I am. Ms Cherry, with no children and a pretty flexible schedule got moved in a the face of his relationships.

I am not doing poly/open again.

It is not equal. It is not fair. Society seems willing to have 1 lover/partner.

Right now, I am dealing with the 1 year anniversary of Mr Green and the 2 months loss of Prof. But in both cases I am am nothing to the family.
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That must be so incredibly hard, Atlantis. It really is not right that secondaries get shut out of the family grieving processes, and the pain you have to deal with is one that not many understand. Thoughts with you.


Active member
Thank you Evie.
I really have moved on from poly.
My 2 beloveds died and I was a nothing to the offical family people.

Mr Green was new, and I do understand that the person who had his phone access did the most basic things. It is coming up to the 1 year anniversary of his death and I don't have any idea where his remains are.

Ms Cherry has control of Prof death things. She appears to be not capable of processing the things that needs to be processed in a timely manner. She is saying an additional 3-6 months maybe a year. until I can collect the items up. Legally that is acceptable. She is unemployed, no children... seems really weak in the getting stuff done department.
Petrol engines need to started every 4 weeks or more. She can't drove a shift, b

I have a different death/will thing going on and all the balls are rolling within a couple of weeks.

Seems my stuff that Prof left, will be moldering in storage, and will not start by the time I get to pick them up.


Active member
I'm really sorry, Atlantis. It has to be so hard to have no closure with Mr Green's death... and then to lose Mr Prof so close together :(

On the estate, my experience is that it can really depend on the attorney and CPAs, too. Two relatives passed away in recent years with similarly sized estates. The one with the high priced, power house legal and accounting teams took a year and a half to settle. The one with the smaller, cheaper legal team was settled in 6 months.