Sailing Solo

I talked with Far Man on the phone, very interesting. We got into what kind of scenes of we like, well, he talked and I listened, I like it that way. No mention of meeting. It would be mid-April anyway, that reality struck a bit hard. Not sure on what delusional planet I was when I decided that I had time for another partner. But I can online chat.
I read Roomies' profile, it is really well written, funny and intelligent. He lists himself as non-monogamous, he told me he heard too many stories of me having fun to want to go mono any time soon.
My profile is mainly attracting men looking for wives and people willing to gut dead fish. I struggle with the profile writing. I don't want to say anything about myself. I mostly stare hard at the spaces and roll my eyes and think "none of your business." What I have written is very straight, not a kink in sight. But I do tend towards browsing the people with non-monogamous and kink type key words. Most of them are simply too far away, but I am open to talking.
I am endlessly amazed that I have kept up with writing this blog for so long. No-one in my life knows I do it. So very public for such a private person.
 
Kip is calling twice a day about Friday night, it is fair to say he is very excited. Lots of plans and requests, basically wants to do anything and everything possible in one night and one morning. I am trying to stay neutral about it in case it gets cancelled. But I am doing a lot of cleaning and some prep work, just in case :D

Prof told me last night that he loves me. I took it to be quite a big thing. I have said it a few times recently as I leave or he leaves, he has responded with I love you too, but this is the first time that he has initiated that I can think of.
He said if Kip night falls through then he will book a hotel and we can have a fun night, I said if it falls through I would like to have a night to myself with the TV and a book, and an early night. We plan to meet Saturday night once he finishes work.

I did ask if I should assume that the Saturdays that I don't have the kids we will spend together. I don't like to assume but neither do I want to ask every other week.
He replied it seems to work out that way as does the Friday night too and I could assume we see each other that night too. I replied that scheduling one night as a regular recurrence is fine and Fridays can be discussed nearer the time. I don't want to commit all of my kid free nights to seeing him and need to know that I have some time to see friends or simply be alone. As he said it has been working out that way recently but the queen of planning ( me ) would like it more definite.

I am looking forward to this weekend, hopefully more sex that I know what to do with, Roomie invited me out to SUP, maybe tennis with a different friend and some work on my garden project.
 
Kip got to stay till 9:30pm. He received the "come home " call at around 7 pm and negotiated to be home by 10. I cannot even pretend to be slightly surprised, either by the phone call or the fact he left. He called on his drive home, I was already tucked up in bed watching HULU with the cats and drinking tea, pretty happy to be by myself. That is an understatement, I was very happy to be by myself. He was very sorry it hadn't worked out, been looking forward to it blah blah blah and I didn't want to hear it, I had already moved on to "me time" he'd had his time, we did have fun, dinner and pretty good sex, but to be honest I found it hard to be dominated by a man who didn't put in much of an effort to get his wife to stick to the agreement. The call deflated the mental picture bubble of "Man in charge" and I didn't get whole-heartedly into the submissive head space. In the end I didn't have to work to control upset feelings about him leaving, I was glad he did go and left me to my own devices.

I have been struggling with migraine recently and it has the knock on effect of cutting into sleep and reducing appetite. My boss sent me home early yesterday, she said I looked thin and worn out. I was. So my plan for the weekend changed from rushing around and doing all kinds of sporty things to only things that can be done at a leisurely pace and allow for sitting and reading or watching tv. So Kip leaving early turned out to be a good thing, no need to stay up late or make breakfast and clean up the kitchen again.

I will see Prof tonight but also be open to staying home alone and resting.
 
I broke up with Joe yesterday. I said I didn't want to be in contact anymore. I could not take anymore of his miserable complaining and then not doing anything about it. I have a list of things a mile long that I just couldn't tolerate and I was becoming more and more irritated then simply didn't want him bothering me and I didn't want him taking up anymore of my time. He did not take it well. Wanted details of why. I said I had had enough of trying to be friends with an ex and it wasn't working for me. I had been trying to fade out over the past few months, really fade in the past few weeks but he was persistent and I wanted to be clear about ending it. He kept pushing for details and I cut him off. Do people really want to know why? I don't. If I started on my list I wouldn't have stopped, it seems more hurtful to do that then severe all ties quickly. "Let's start with your energy sucking negative attitude, move on to your weight, eating habits, snoring, weird foot that is smaller than the other foot, complaining, ass glued to the couch watching tv, lying about your depression and medications, good attempt at ruining people's vacations, average sex, totally turned off by the idea of seeing you naked, the mean streak, the nasty mean streak, laziness,..." It is best not to to say those things, right? He sent me a couple of emails, tirades about... dunno cause I didn't read them I just deleted. But they had popped up on my phone so I caught few key words and the fact that they were pretty long.
I gave it a good shot, overrode my own common sense that told me to dump him in the first place and tried to do the grown up adult friend thing.
That chapter is now over. Done, done, done.
 
The back button ate my post :( Tl;Dr version
Yesterday, I got a haircut, from long to chin length. Prof does not like it, he made some unkind comments, name calling, I told him to stop. He started on about my drinking, I have had 2 drinks in the past week He complained that I don't like going into bars, well yes, cause I don't drink! He complained about me fidgeting while watching tv. I had no idea that I was doing it and apologized. He said he another comment about my haircut. I told him not to say anything more as the one comment already shared was rude. He told me anyway, I picked up his things and told him to leave. He thought he was being hilarious, I was very clear, in work language mode simple words, serious expression, "not funny, I don't like, please stop." He doesn't have to like the haircut and can say so, turning it into name calling was unnecessary.

It was unpleasant to be around him last night. He told me he was beyond stressed with his multitude of projects and felt like it was all going to crash down. I offered to help where I was able and took over all the prep for the camping trip. We watched Dr Who and then it was an hour or so of pick pick pick until I told him to leave.

I can deal with a stressed person, deal with criticism to a certain degree, but name calling is my line. I repeatedly told him to stop and he didn't.

He had been sweet and supportive this week when I had a couple of very intense days at work and then dealing with the Joe break up.So I am trying not to swing too far into over-reaction. I think an apology is owed, for the names. I don't particularly want to see him tonight, I wasn't expecting to see him last night either. A little space is a good idea. He is leaving on Monday and won't be back until Friday.

Penny Drops... Create a little drama before he leaves, that ensures a certain level of communication (let's try to work this out ), or a certain level of non-communication ( leave me alone while I work this out ). It is usually the person who is staying who creates the relationship issues to keep attention of the leaving person focused on them. It used to be amusing watching Joe's GF start something every time he had plans that didn't involve her.

I do sometimes think that I am not clingy enough or drama filled for Prof, he had intense relationships with his exW and Ms Text. Lots of drama, intense talks, therapy, highs and lows. I generally don't engage like that, my work safety depends on it. If a person gets to the point of spiraling up and not responding to verbal and visual clues, then it is time to disengage.

I am probably over thinking this :)
 
Last edited:
My period started.
So now the question is; Was I being overly sensitive to something that I might have laughed off otherwise? :rolleyes:
Feel free to cast a vote.
 
Prof said I started it by refusing to tell him what his his stimming habit is, he choose some topics for teasing/wind up he knew would upset me and then went for it as payback. He later put it together that my period was very due and said it is pretty much the only time I can't handle teasing and get annoyed. He said he knew to wait 24 hours until I returned to baseline and everything would be fine. But was hurt that I "threw him out."
I was the one that contacted him last night, he responded in 2 seconds with an offer to bring dinner over. We watched some tv very quietly and then had a talk.
We worked out the code word "yellow" for when someone is getting upset or genuinely annoyed and wants to take a moment to straighten things out. I didn't know he was serious about the stimming and he didn't know that he hurt my feelings. He came up with a convoluted sentence to signal upset, ( too long in my opinion) my signal sentence had 3 words (too blunt in his opinion), we agreed on "yellow" even shorter but instantly understood.

I did tell and show him what his stimming behavior is, he denies ever doing it. We had previously had the conversation before with the same results which is why I didn't want to get into the night before. I promised that I would let him know when he does it, the issue with that is he does it when stressed and anxious ( the definition of stimming )and that is probably not the time to point it out, plus it is not a weird action therefore not one that he necessarily wants a replacement behavior for.

Bottom line is we agreed it was our first argument, no raised voices but hurt feelings all around. We have worked out how to communicate an upset more quickly and it I need to keep a better track of my cycle and give the man some warning. He said this morning, the only times we have had issues was within hours of my period starting. True :eek:
 
Last edited:
Copied from http://autism.wikia.com/wiki/Stimming

"Stimming is a repetitive body movement that self-stimulates one or more senses in a regulated manner. Stimming is known in psychiatry as a "stereotypy", a continuous, seemingly purposeless movement.

Stimming is one of the symptoms listed by the DSM IV for autism, although it is observed in about 10 percent of young children without autism. Many autistic children have no stims. Common forms of stimming among autistic people include hand flapping, body spinning or rocking, lining up or spinning toys or other objects, echolalia, perseveration, and repeating rote phrases. [1]

There are many theories about the function of stimming, and the reasons for its increased incidence in autistic people. For hyposensitive people, it may provide needed nervous system arousal, releasing beta-endorphins. For hypersensitive people, it may provide a "norming" effect, allowing the person to control a specific sense, and is thus a soothing behavior. [2] Stimming is a natural behavior that can improve emotional regulation and prevent meltdowns in stressful situations."
 
I was contacted via an old email account by someone I dated nearly 3 years ago. I still had a lot of the correspondence saved, even the the break-up email I sent him, he had been avoiding phone calls so I emailed. I am extremely curious as to why he initiated contact after so long. My last email to him was not rude but I did lay out why I didn't want to see him anymore and not stay in contact at all.

The main news is my fabulous new job is heading for phase out. I have got somewhere between 12-18 months but started looking as soon as I heard. My boss would like me to stick it out till the end but is also fully supportive of me looking and applying for something new. I am deeply frustrated that I can't apply for anything out of the area due to the parenting agreement. The ex has been sticking to the plan recently so I have no grounds to ask for permission to move :(

Prof is out of state until Friday.

Kip is unavailable.

I am chatting with Far Man occasionally. He would like to meet. I can't decide if I want to meet someone who lives so far away and has a bunch of rules, it would be purely for BDSM time. I haven't put much thought into it really. It might be a fun distraction or just annoying to deal with someone who practices hierarchy.
 
The ex lover, Dan, as he shall be known, got in touch because he had been feeling lonely and had been reaching out to old acquaintances/friends. A college buddy he hadn't spoken to in 10 years and me. He said he was sorry he had let the relationship fade, worries about work, touch of depression etc. We talked a few times on the phone, once for nearly an hour. It was interesting, he said I had changed, I was more determined, clearer idea of what I wanted and that I he never knew I liked to go out and do things. I reminded him of the times I had made suggestions and he refused.
We might meet for tennis. I threw out a few dates and times, he is "checking" Ah yes, I remember why I dumped him, so many reasons.
I am thinking it is not a good idea to do the "friends with ex" thing again. It did not work with Joe cause the reasons I dumped him as a sexual partner remained annoying when we were friends. I suspect it will be the same with Dan. But now I have a theory I want to test it.
The job thing is up in the air. I contacted my old boss and he said he would create a position if possible. He would let me know in a week and is very keen to get me back.
 
I was so very much looking forward to the glamping weekend. I packed the camper on Weds night, Prof chatted to me via "facetime" while I worked, I bought some champers and picked up other bit and pieces etc. Then the ex called, he has read the parenting plan and it says "split" the vacation time. We had agreed he would have the full week as I had the full week last year, this was agreed up until today. The new plan doesn't say which days exactly come under the new schedule and he wants to do a night on/night off kind of thing. I reply that it does say split and further on it says "first half and second half" but noooooooooooo, that is not his interpretation and says we can sort it out next time at court but until then here is what he is willing to do...I, then stupidly tell him I have plans, taken the week off work, which I did according to the earlier agreement and a night on/off thing wont work, so he says he wont take the kids at all. He calls back later and says he will take them his regular weekend nights plus Thursday and Friday at the end. Hardly splitting it by any count and certainly not the whole week which he was insisting was his right as I had all week last year. I should know better than to trust him without something in writing but I do fall for his Mr Reasonable act nearly every time.
I texted Prof, who had just landed, and said I would cancel as it is only a $8 fee per booking. He said no, we can work it out and take the kids too. We might have to drive to the first campsite and then drive back the next day to get the kids and then drive back again, we will discuss it tonight. I am glad I hadn't booked the tour I was planning, no way would 2 kids be up for that kind of thing. So it will be less of the champagne and more juice boxes and marshmallows.
I am grateful that Prof came up with the idea, and is willing to work with me on this. We are both fried with work and very much looking forward to just him and me for 5 days. However, both the kids were saying they didn't want to spend a whole week with daddy, that is pretty sad. They say they watch tv all day and play Lego sometimes. I was feeling guilty. In no way do I try to discourage them from spending time at dad's, but neither do I want 2 active kids stuck indoors all day for 10 days straight. I suppose it is working out best for the kids and that is the most important.
I do get to spend some major catch up fucking time with Prof tonight.
Kip will take Friday off and spend the day naked and eating.
I don't know about Dan. I told him to decided on tennis cause I have other things to schedule, which is true, book it or lose it.
 
Last edited:
The trip was great fun. We had only one relationship talk in all the hours and hours of driving, I was a little concerned about being trapped in a moving vehicle and talking relationships, but no, just the one talk.
Prof mostly wanted to know how I planned to communicate what was happening with other partners and dating. I said I didn't ask him many questions and wanted him to do the same. He said "no" that won't work for him, he needs some reassurance and wants to be kept in the loop, no more DADT. I wiggled like a fish on a hook but he was very firm, pointed out that just because I don't want to know it doesn't mean he doesn't want to know and I still don't have to ask but he wants answers and free flowing information. I did a lot of wah wah wah but eventually agreed that I would text "date" or "engagement" till we came up with better words and he wouldn't push for more details till I was in a chatty mood.
He is away for 2 weeks at the end of the month, I will meet Dan, possibly meet Far Man and am chatting a little on OKC so there is the possibility of a date or sex in the future.
I did do a little hierarchy and reassured him that Wednesday nights would still be for us; that did seem to help.
We are different, he informed me he was staying with a partner last night and had another date tonight, I really did not want to know and he usually wouldn't tell me that, mostly he says he is out of town and unavailable till whatever night, a quite obvious example of what he wants me to say if and when I get to that point, I prefer, "I'm busy". Argh.
 
Last edited:
The trip went very well. Day 1 we drove and camped, just the 2 of us, then drove back to pick the up the kids and drove a little farther back in the same direction for camp number 2. We didn't get there till after 9pm, my ex refused to let us get the kids earlier even though he was at work, and we still managed a fire and marshmallows. Then the text and email barrage from the ex began, threats of all sorts for taking them out of the county overnight without 21 days notice, I did of course give him the addresses of where we were staying. That rule is only in effect when the vacation interferes with his nights and as he had was the one who set up the crazy schedule then he was out of luck, but it put a stress on the trip for me. He threatened an Amber Alert and have the police show up to one of the campsites. Prof said ignore him.
Day 3 and 4 we went to stay with some family and Prof went to visit one of his adult kids in the evening. Night 5 we ended early due to howling winds and got home at 12 am.
Prof was amazed by all the "adventures" we had. By some incredible coincidence all the camp sites were next to something unique and interesting to visit or do. How on Earth did that happen? Research and planning perhaps? ;) He is very keen for the next camping trip but I told him I need to focus on saving for summer, then he was asking about when to book the Hawaii trip. It would seem that he enjoys travelling with me. :D
Yesterday was Kip day. He arrived at 8 am and we spent nearly the whole day fucking. We had one tea break and a trip to the adult shop and lunch, then more sex. The toys were fun, things that buzz and smack and prick. There was some BDSM, more than he usually does, we used both regular restraints and simple wrist pinning, so very sexy. I find being squashed with body weight to be an incredible sensory experience so I got lots of that. I don't think one request went unanswered.
He is pretty keen for me to meet to Dan and ask him for a 3-way. I sent Dan a blunt message about his lack of reply to my response to his request to schedule a meeting. 4 days should be more than enough time to decide on a yes or no. This is one of the reasons I broke up with him, wishy washy scheduling, and the buy one milkshake but get 2 cups night, so tight-fisted. We do have the weekend of the 18th arranged for tennis but I am really doubting I have any real desire to see him again. I was caught up in the moment when we first reconnected.
I have the weekend kid free and plan to catch up with friends and christen Prof's latest house acquisition. :D
 
New house christening night was excellent. Prof packed a "bondage in a bag " kit, the sellers had left a bottle of bubbly in the fridge and we fucked in every room, the garage and the master bedroom closet. The garage had a large mirror left in it. I love, love, love mirror sex, so sexy getting to watch from a different perspective.
The bondage kit had all sorts of toys, and a sexy stockings and garter set for me. I got shackled in the closet, spanked, whipped, clamped, it was so much fun. I lost for it a while in sub-space, floaty and fabulous.
Prof loves to do the "the favorite thing" question the day after a fun event. My favorite was mirror sex and clamps, his was " that you let me do all those things to your body and smile while I am doing it." Aw, sweet.
Back-to-back days of really great sex and I am very happy :D
 
Prof and I ate too much at a work dinner for him last night, not stuffed but more than I would normally have in one go. We got back to his at around 10 pm and I just couldn't muster the energy for sex but I was totally in the mood for lying back and being fucked. However, Prof was suffering the effects of stress and over work and felt much the same way. It was so vanilla and not intense in anyway. I want a Wednesday do-over.

The work dinner was interesting, I usuallyavoid that kind of event like the plague. I had a name tag with just my name because I had no affiliation to the evening. One of Prof's colleagues asked me who I was and I introduced myself as "Atlantis, Prof's plus one." I just popped out and I think it was perfect. Prof was like " No, no, she is my significant other."and the colleague said " I understood 'plus one.'" So I stuck with that when people asked me how I knew Prof.
I did well with the mingling, just cause I don't like it doesn't mean I can do it. Prof was surprised, said he had no idea I could do the chit chat and small talk like that, witty, entertaining and charming. :rolleyes: Sucks the life out of me though.
I "came out" to my boss yesterday as she keeps asking when Prof will propose. I finally told her that Prof and I have an open relationship, we both see other people and are happy with that arrangement. She was a bit shocked, I could tell from the grimace on her face, but she did ask today how the dinner went.
I am meeting Dan on Weds next week for tennis. I didn't want to use weekend time meeting him.
Prof is out of state from Sunday for nearly 2 weeks.
Kip's birthday is coming up, he wants an FMF. Sure...you and a million other folks :rolleyes: Luckily, I have a HBB on speed dial for just such occasions.
 
The "I love you," thing.
The night before the glamping trip we had ended up in the shower and there I confessed my struggle with throwing out random " I love you" and " I miss you." Neither phrase is part of my regular lexicon. "I miss you," I find is my the least used, I find it to be sad and pulls down the energy of the person out there doing what they need to do. Why would I want someone to direct thoughts in a backwards direction. Go forth and enjoy! However, when Prof was away in Euroland for 2 weeks I did find life to be less interesting. I messaged him that. He brought that up in the shower and said he took it mean that I missed him and that was fine way to express my feelings. He also said it is fine not to do throw out "I love you" he said he noticed I tried that a few times and it was not natural, but when I do say it then he knows I mean it. He is better, more frequent, texts and says it more often. We had a nice moment on holiday when he was doing the picky picky thing and I told him to stop bring mean and say something nice. He said, " I love you," I replied, "That works." I think we are in a good place with it, he says it is obvious that I care deeply and that is the most important thing, though saying it occasionally is appreciated. That was the end of the shower conversation.

One of my kids said it to my uncle when our visit there ended during the glamping, as we were about to drive off. My uncle looked stunned and said to me "We don't say that in our family!" The look on Prof's face was perfect, the penny dropped, there are more of Atlantis' type out there. We express caring and love through doing. My uncle was fab when we were there, as he always has been.

I do say it to my kids regularly, and mean it every time, but I did have to work at the vocalization and it is a different love.
 
Friday night no sex. Saturday night no sex. I complained about it. He laughed and said a few nights in a row hardly counts as the beginning of the end. In his defense I have been too tired to get dressed up and make a big effort. I still feel very attracted to him and full of desire just don't have the energy to back it up! He is extremely stressed with work and the trip but is enjoying being in my company and getting some early nights. All this didn't stop my complaining while we were snuggled up and wonderfully relaxed. He said " Love you, go to sleep," I think we both fell asleep very quickly. We had a good time at 5:30am this morning, I am a morning person for sure. I would not have been at all happy if he went away and the last time we had sex was some half-hearted effort on Thursday morning.

We have had some sweet words recently. He teased me last night about how I almost single handedly demolished a chocolate silk pie in under 24 hours. I do this a few times a year, certainly not regularly. He acted horrified and called me an oink oink. I have no regrets about this occasional indulgence and made no apologies, especially not about not saving him a second slice, he was lucky that I shared it at all, the kids did get a couple of teeny tiny slices ;) Count yourself lucky! At one point during the teasing he purposefully called for a stop and said " I don't know how I would handle it if you broke down and started crying." I asked him if he thought I was at all upset. And he responded, "No, and that is what I love about spending time with you. You give as good as you get but it is never mean, always funny."
And during Dr Who he looked at me said "Thank-you for putting up with me, I know I can be difficult."
I am a little surprised that he asked to come over both Friday and Saturday as this is his weekend when he usually sees other partners. He has stated that when he is with me it "forces" him to stop working and relax. Although on Friday he fell asleep with me and went home at 1 am to work, this is not unusual, he has a few hours sleep with me then leaves.
I told him about the tennis meeting on Wednesday and he didn't get into too many questions, which I appreciated.
I have decided not to meet Far Man for the reason I listed previously, distance and rules.
I have been putting in a great effort on my Master's project after letting it slide for a few weeks. I am setting myself goals and so far been meeting them. It will be ready for submission by the end of the month.
 
Last edited:
My boss is apparently not so cool with the open relationship thing. The disease that killed Ms Text came up in conversation and then so did Prof. She made a short snippy comment but the facial expression said it all, disgust. She is entitled to her opinion but it is my first obvious negative reaction to coming out.

Prof is having a good trip. We text, email and talked on the phone for quite a while yesterday, which is unusual for him. No Wednesday night fun tonight :( but I do get a night all by myself :D Kip gave me his HBO password, all kinds of viewing doors have opened up.

I am trying to schedule with Kip, it is difficult so I suggested we stop seeing each other. He said no, we can make it work. I suppose it is not a huge time suck and the sex is great when it does happen! I would like to make a regular day and time to see him but so far not luck.

I had had enough with Dan and his virtually total lack of communication, I know yahoo chat is glitchy especially on my phone. Kip uses yahoo too ( much to my endless annoyance ) and so I do know messages do not go through on a fairly regular basis, but will he change no, the dionsaur :rolleyes: Turns out the same has been happening with Dan. He has been messaging me and I him but only getting an occasional response. The conversation history is missing messages from me so I know I am probably missing messages from him. He said he sent 2 about cancelling today but I didn't reply. I sent him an email saying change chat platforms or drop communication. I have been really irritated about the lack of, and slow responses, so it is my way or the highway. Let's see what he says.
 
Yesterday's post got deleted by the time out monster...
I have a dinner date on Weds with an OKC person. He is much younger than me, but fine with the open relationship thing. I think it will be fun and I am looking forward to it. I get on well with kids, I have 2 of my own :D

I told Kip. Why, oh why? He started out all excited and asking about the possibilities of 3 way sex. I said OKCtech said he had done some and then Kip got all shirty about STD risk and said I probably shouldn't meet him. I reminded him that the biggest STD risk taker I knew was him. He didn't like that and asked for an apology. I am not apologizing for the truth. The upshot is we are now currently not speaking over someone I haven't met.
Once again here is the issue with how much to say and how much not too. Kip turned in a flash from excited to I shouldn't meet the dude.I am quite insulted by the implication that I intend to have unprotected sex with the first new guy I have had a dinner date with in nearly a year!

I will have to let Prof know later as per the agreement made a couple of weeks ago.

This is ridiculous. Dating by committee.:mad: Suck it up! I don't do the wailing and gnashing of teeth when they go out and I expect the same in return.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top