missmindful
New member
I'm sorry! I wrote out two long posts and somehow I deleted them before I could post.
I know that is no excuse after your warm welcome and your lengthy and thoughtful replies to my query. I do apologize in advance, this post will be very long winded to catch up! So, of course the long anticipated second date is long past. We have since been on a third and a fourth, and our first sleepover date turned into a marathon six days together while his wife was in London with her bf and my children were on vacation with their father. We were not planning on spending the whole week together, but one thing led to another and... you know- what you guys call it- NRE happened and the whole week past by. But, not to get ahead of myself, I will get back to the much anticipated second date. I swear, I have never been more prepared for a date ever, and I kind of liked it. Because of you all, I knew what questions to ask, and I was starting to think about what I might want from this relationship. I also took it relatively slow, really getting to know him, and by the fourth date, I knew I was in trouble (the good kind). From here on, I will call my new man MJ, and his wife Nadia.
We started our second date with a long walk at an arboretum and then he took me to a Japanese Izakaya and we had dinner in a private tatami room. Not to gush, but this guy is amazing -- smart, funny, hot as hell, thoughtful, generous, attentive, chivalrous, athletic, well read and well travelled. I could go on and on- he IS that dreamy. I kept asking myself, why isn't he taken? Oh yea, forgot for a minute. That's the thing- I forget. In most ways, it is like any new relationship - except that it is so much more honest and we talk about absolutely everything.
Dagferi- Again, thank you for your post. I think that these questions helped me understand what I did and did not want- what the deal breakers were. At this point, all of my fears have been put to rest. Nadia is currently in London with her bf, and they spent last Christmas together. MJ and I spoke about traveling together if this relationship works out. He was all over me in public, and if there was an issue with going somewhere with me- we discussed it- and he would talk to me about it and prepare me for what to expect in such a situation.
SnC- Thank you so much for your long and thoughtful post. It gave me so much to think about, and your marriage does indeed sound very much like MJ's relationship with his wife. We did speak about this on the second date, and as we get to know each other better, the conversation has continued. Things are getting quite serious between Nadia and her bf and I know that MJ and Nadia have been discussing how to tell certain family members and friends about the nature of their relationship. MJ has been mostly monogam-ish up to this point, but he expresses the desire to have a deeper connection with the right woman. I think that you are right- that he is not there yet, but neither am I. You ask later in your post- What do I want? This is a great question. What he seems to be offering me is actually more than what I had in my last relationship. That was more of a friends with benefits situation. I think that I could have a much deeper connection with this man, and I am just going to have to wait and see if the relationship can evolve into something we are all comfortable with.
It is impossible to compare my relationship with my ex with any new relationship I start simply because I am a different person. When I started my marriage, I was very broken. I started the hard work about five years ago, while still married. I left him 2 years ago when I was strong enough to do so. We simply had nothing in common and we grew apart to the point that our lives were on completely different paths. I am re-building. I am re-inventing myself once again. I am embracing this new life, and I am not looking back. I am spreading my wings and this guy seems to want to watch me soar (his words
. I am so excited for the future, and I am quite certain that if MJ is not a part of it, that I will always remember him with love. What could be better than that? NYCindie-
From what I have seen, I think he does do poly very well. His friends and family do not know yet, but he and Nadia are moving in that direction. As for dating others- baby steps- I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind though. Again, thank you all for your warm welcome and thoughtful replies. I hope you will forgive my late reply (blame NRE). I promise, life has settled down, and I will be prompt in my up-dates from here on out. I am sure I have forgotten many details, so- as always, I welcome any questions, comments or feedback on my little romance.
