Seperate vacations

B

Berlik

New member
Hi!

I'm very new to poly and still learning a lot. One of my partners and I are looking for some advice!

I have a partner I've been with for almost 18 years. We'll soon be going on vacation for a long weekend and it's causing me to have some issues. In addition to my partner, I have two boyfriends. They were a couple when we met and are now married. We met 11 months ago and decide to form a relationship about 8 months ago.

While there has been some seperate time before and lonliness, this feels different. I'm off to have a wonderful amazing time with one partner, while at the same time I'm going to deeply miss my others. And kind of feel like I'm abondoning them for the weekend (of course that's mostly irrational, I know).

I imagine this is normal, I just wonder how others deal with these emotions. how you cope, keep in contact, or talk about the issue of seperate vacations.

Thanks for any help!!!
 
Your boyfriends are married to each other - they will have each other's company while you are away. You could look at this as a perfect time for them two to have one-on-one time and enjoy themselves over a weekend! Maybe you could ask about their plans during that time - maybe they are planning on something special for the two of them. I'd say your emotions stem on the NRE you are experiencing within your new triad relationship.

It is immensely important not to let the pre-existing partner be too much affected by the NRE rush. So try to concentrate on the good times with your partner and make them feel loved and important during your vacation. You will have plenty of time to catch up with your boyfriends afterwards.
 
I just took a long vacation with my boyfriend, who is married to someone else. It was fine. His wife spent the whole time with her girlfriend. When Julian and his wife go somewhere together, I distract myself with fun plans of my own, things I wouldn't do with Julian, like visit my family members who have little kids, go to the beach, binge-watch something soapy.

Also, I really appreciated having that vacation time with Julian away from the grind of poly issues like who's watching the dogs, where are we spending weekend nights, figuring out how Maya will cope when her car's in the shop again, etc.
 
Hi Berlik,

Perhaps it would help to have a chat with your boyfriends and let them know you are going to miss them while you're away. Perhaps plan a time each day when you'll call them? just not too long or too often, because like Nadya said they'll be enjoying time with each other and you don't want to disturb that.

Even though it's a long weekend, it's still not too long. Maybe you can plan something special to do with your boyfriends after you get back?

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
I travel a lot of back and forth between my boyfriends. But when we hopefully later live in the same city, I plan to divide our holiday time to have sometime set aside for each of the two relationships and some time for us all together as a family. If we get kids, the couple weekends could also be child free weekends, and the other partner babysitting. We already during our time together all three of us take some hotel nights for couple time
 
Thank you all so much for the input! And I'm totally over thinking it, and as all 3 of my guys will tell you, I do that a lot DX
 
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I guess if you and your boyfriends see each other every day, or close to it, it could feel like you're abandoning them, or that you'd miss them terribly. Personally, I would have no qualms about taking a vacation alone or with one lover while another lover was back home because I don't get together with any of the people I am seeing nearly that often. I like my alone time and seeing someone twice a week would feel like a lot! I sometimes go for weeks between dates. So, it's all relative - going on vacation for any length of time really wouldn't faze me.
 
My gf and I often take vacations separately. We're attached at the hip most of the time, but enjoy being "single" on some of our vacations. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! The reunions are great.
 
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