TeachMeHow
New member
I need advice on whether I should try to work out the relationship with my ex-girlfriend (call her M) or not.
We have been seeing each other for around 1 year. We met after her now fiancee (call her B) called off the engagement and they broke up. After we started dating, they went back together and are getting married in a few months. M has been polyamorous for decades. B was new to this when she met M. I was not the first one M dated after she was together with B the first time.
A couple days ago, M started a huge and heated argument with me. I couldn't quite get her to admit to the true cause, but I felt it was about me agreeing to B's suggestion to let B text M when M and I are together. It was a boundary of M's that none of us would text M when either of us were spending time with her. However, calls were expected in emergency situations. This, along with my other random casual dates that I shared with M on the same day, I think it made M felt that I don't care much about our relationship. She called me coward and spineless and said that I victimize myself in that 2 hours of her speech. M called to end the relationship, and then carried on for another 2 hours saying she can't trust me because my actions contradict my words (basically because I always offer to give her more time by seeing her less. Her mother could be dying; she is taking care of her every day; got a busy day job; and obviously she has B and, well, had me). And she also said I kept pleasing her and didn't do much other work because I signed up just for the sex, so she can't trust me and her respect for me is gone.
Another maybe trigger that I could think of was that, on the day of argument, it was the first time I could touch her during sex. It was solely her touching me, because she was waiting for her infections to clear out. The sex I gave was GREAT for both of us and she couldn't even bitch on that when she was PISSED during that argument. That might make her realize if anywhere we are heading, we will be deeply involved.
After she broke up with me, she offered to be friends (to which I said no) to work on the trust. She said she still liked me the same, but we needed to build the trust because we moved too fast.
The reasons that I need advice is that, if what she said is true, I can't change overnight because dating around is part of me, and I really appreciate B and M's time together. They have been through a lot in these 4 years and they both are getting married for the first time, with kids in their 40s. (All 3 of us are in our 40s.) I mean, if those boundaries are important to M, it should not be my battle to say no to B. And I can't even imagine being friends with someone that you don't respect and don't trust? But I think my gut is telling me that she was just being mad and I should reach out to say sorry and reconcile and try to work things out.
We had a conversation about rings. She was the first one I ever wanted to put a ring on for. But she called it off after I said I don't want one on her because she has B's. I really want to work things out with her, stay with her until we both are in care house and all. Can you tell me, with this soul, is it better to let her go?
We have been seeing each other for around 1 year. We met after her now fiancee (call her B) called off the engagement and they broke up. After we started dating, they went back together and are getting married in a few months. M has been polyamorous for decades. B was new to this when she met M. I was not the first one M dated after she was together with B the first time.
A couple days ago, M started a huge and heated argument with me. I couldn't quite get her to admit to the true cause, but I felt it was about me agreeing to B's suggestion to let B text M when M and I are together. It was a boundary of M's that none of us would text M when either of us were spending time with her. However, calls were expected in emergency situations. This, along with my other random casual dates that I shared with M on the same day, I think it made M felt that I don't care much about our relationship. She called me coward and spineless and said that I victimize myself in that 2 hours of her speech. M called to end the relationship, and then carried on for another 2 hours saying she can't trust me because my actions contradict my words (basically because I always offer to give her more time by seeing her less. Her mother could be dying; she is taking care of her every day; got a busy day job; and obviously she has B and, well, had me). And she also said I kept pleasing her and didn't do much other work because I signed up just for the sex, so she can't trust me and her respect for me is gone.
Another maybe trigger that I could think of was that, on the day of argument, it was the first time I could touch her during sex. It was solely her touching me, because she was waiting for her infections to clear out. The sex I gave was GREAT for both of us and she couldn't even bitch on that when she was PISSED during that argument. That might make her realize if anywhere we are heading, we will be deeply involved.
After she broke up with me, she offered to be friends (to which I said no) to work on the trust. She said she still liked me the same, but we needed to build the trust because we moved too fast.
The reasons that I need advice is that, if what she said is true, I can't change overnight because dating around is part of me, and I really appreciate B and M's time together. They have been through a lot in these 4 years and they both are getting married for the first time, with kids in their 40s. (All 3 of us are in our 40s.) I mean, if those boundaries are important to M, it should not be my battle to say no to B. And I can't even imagine being friends with someone that you don't respect and don't trust? But I think my gut is telling me that she was just being mad and I should reach out to say sorry and reconcile and try to work things out.
We had a conversation about rings. She was the first one I ever wanted to put a ring on for. But she called it off after I said I don't want one on her because she has B's. I really want to work things out with her, stay with her until we both are in care house and all. Can you tell me, with this soul, is it better to let her go?
