Showing affection in front of other partners

When you think about it, L-shaped couches are really V couches.
 
I'm so looking forward to getting new furniture in February. We're prolly gonna get a sectional, with either a sofa bed or a chaise lounge. All I know is that I'll finally be able to cuddle both my boys at the same time. Oh, the mischief I'll be able to get up to then!
 
Somegeezer said:
Why does the idea of a cuddle pile make you want to "jet from the room"?
Click to expand...

I don`t think it's a phobia. It's a preference due to my private nature. I feel the same when lots of family members are hugging good-bye, and one makes a point of being extra sappy. I always wish inwardly they would say what they had to say in private. If it were a phobia, I`d probably stop people, instead of just 'wishing' the attention away.

I do understand people`s needs for showing affection differently then me, and try to find that balance.

Ariakas already chimed in with some of what he feels. My guess, to date, is that they could both take it or leave it. They are happy for the alone time, and if I don't want to hold both of their hands, skipping through tulips, that's fine by them.

I have tried three times (I think) doing some form of touch on both of them at the same time. Holding hands and snuggling. All of those times I initiated, in the attempt to try something different. All three times, I felt okay the first minute, and increasingly less so as the minutes passed. It`s just not my cup of tea.

I'm never afraid to try something new, but once tried, I know when something doesn`t work for me.

I have snuggled my husband in front of the bf, but not vice versa. It`s a hierarchical relationship, so I highly doubt it bugged Ariakas at all. It certainly doesn't bug me when he snuggles his wife in front of me. I have also tried to let myself be snuggled in front of Ariakas's wife, and didn't feel comfortable that way, either.

I can do it, but my preference is privacy.
 
Sourgirl, might I suggest that much of your discomfort could be due to the fact that your relationship with Ari is long distance, and you simply haven't had enough time together?

I'm like you, in that I don't like much physical interaction. With my men, it took about a year to feel entirely comfortable with showing affection to one, then the other, and then both at the same time. With Derby, I felt a bit more comfortable more quickly, but I pull away from anything but holding hands.

Most of the time, I don't show anyone affection publicly. Recently, a friend was taking pictures at a party. She had people go under the mistletoe to get their pictures taken. I felt very uncomfortable and awkward. A lot of the people there were fine with it, but I wasn't. It's kind of a lack of control thing somehow, or it feels too intimate.
 
redpepper said:
Might I suggest that much of your discomfort could be due to the fact that your relationship with Ari is long distance, and you simply haven't had enough long time together?
Click to expand...

I wish it were that simple. I am like this in my local relationships, as well. I have a male friend I have known since I was 14. From your descriptions I have read in other posts, he would be what you call a non-sexual boyfriend. He even lived with us for awhile. I wouldn`t prop my feet up on his lap with someone else in the room. I can think of others, as well, but I`ve already blabbed more about myself then I usually care to.

It`s more about hierarchy then anything.

redpepper said:
Recently, a friend taking pictures at a party. She had people go under the mistletoe to get their pictures taken. I felt very uncomfortable and awkward. It's a lack of control thing, or too intimate.
Click to expand...

I recognize my lack of enthusiasm for this type of thing. If people are good-natured and just having respectful fun, then I usually suck it up, and go along with it, as long as someone isn`t dictating. In the end, who does it hurt? No one.

Where it crosses the line for me, is the type of person who likes to grab arms and 'drag' a person into things, peer pressure crap. I will pull back and say something blunt. That person usually ends up feeling silly.

You are right, it's probably a control feature over intimacy. Some of us are just wired this way.
 
Oh my, so much like me. Blah. I say something blunt also, and then hurt someone's feelings, so that I can save face. I usually suck it up too, and then go and hide in the bathroom to come down from my anxiety. So silly, really.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top