Smelling the flowers
- Thread starter Petunia
- Start date
Life moves quickly. Nothing at either end of the scale, amazing or horrific, has happened in the past four days to highlight that - just sitting down here and trying to remember what all has happened since I last did this makes me realize anew how much takes place in the span of a day, much less a weekend.
The weekend was lovely. Other than getting my hair cut and colored Saturday morning, nearly all of my time was given to Bond and the kids. I think the only shadow was Golden hitting his "emotional well-being" wall for having gone too many days without having time with me. We had a Tuesday night Sleepy Times night, (a sleepy times date means we did not spent time prior to bedtime together, but we slept together that night), and Wednesday night together, but Thursday was with Bond, Friday I spent with friends and slept at home, and then from noonish to Sunday evening I was with Bond until Golden and I again had a Sleepy Times date. We saw each other a large number of hours on Saturday and Sunday, and we took a really long walk, just the two of us, last night after dinner, but unless it's "his" time he really feels the lack of connection/intimacy. I get it, we have a special connection when we are alone, which is heightened when we are intimate. I think he was especially feeling the sense of need, because Bond scheduled a lot of time with me preceding and following his trip to Texas for his dad's funeral. Additionally, I think the fact that he scheduled his week very tightly with all his girls this week, thus limiting how much time he and I will have together, is hitting him. Today I sent him some calendar invites for midweek following Bond's return and last night we established that when Bond is gone we're going to spend most of our time together, including a cookout that Michelle and John are throwing. I think he's starting to feel better. I do love that man! Last night he told me he is "mesmerized" by me. I find it incredible that I have fallen in love with two wonderful men in the span of a year, actually much less than a year.
I am a lucky, lucky girl.
Saturday night as Bond I were driving to a film fest of amateur porn (yes, my life is enchanted) he was talking about how comfortable he was putting things in the calendar this time around. He said that he wasn't concerned that I would be stressed by it, because it seems we're established now. It's true. I was happy to see that he was putting things in the calendar. I understood why M or Bea got certain days and none of it worried me or stressed me. When I saw the invites he had sent out I had a peaceful feeling that he and I have lots and lots of time - a future's worth and there was no stress. I know he loves me and he shows me in a myriad of ways consistently.
He also said as he was doing it he was trying to make sure he had enough time on the calendar with me to not feel a loss. I asked for clarification; did he mean so that I'd be okay? He said, no, it was so he'd be okay and not feel that he didn't have enough hours with me. <- wow! That was so nice to hear. Bond is so laid back and "go with the flow" that I have been concerned that he was scheduling like he has been just for my sake. It's wonderful to know that he is doing it for his benefit also. Warm fuzzies.
When Naya picked up the boys last night most of us were in the kitchen and at that moment we were having a fun-spirited debate on which day the week started on, Sunday or Monday. I was arguing that it started on Sunday (duh, all calendars in the U.S. start on Sunday!) and all of the guys, Bond, Golden, and three out of four sons, were all arguing that it started on Monday. We were all laughing and I quickly enlisted her to my side before she fully knew what was happening. It was a short, fun debate which morphed into the validity of the Bible, before they moved onto getting the kids' stuff gathered. After seeing them off, Bond came in and said that Naya said I was "fun and pretty cool." Yay! That was so awesome to hear! Squee!
The book discussion Thursday night was a lot of fun, although as group discussions often are, it was less comprehensive than I'd have liked. Today I hosted the Poly Nooner and our topic was Chapter 13, Empowered Relationships from the same book, More Than Two. I made copies of the chapter and passed them out, but because I was the only one who had read the book the group decided that we will have the same topic the next time we meet. I'm going to make an online PDF available so others who may not have attended today can read it ahead of time.
Update: It seems that Golden's romance with Dragon may not take off. He's not feeling it. He thinks they aren't clicking. Bummer. He's not calling it yet, and will follow through with the dates they have on the calendar to see for sure.
The weekend was lovely. Other than getting my hair cut and colored Saturday morning, nearly all of my time was given to Bond and the kids. I think the only shadow was Golden hitting his "emotional well-being" wall for having gone too many days without having time with me. We had a Tuesday night Sleepy Times night, (a sleepy times date means we did not spent time prior to bedtime together, but we slept together that night), and Wednesday night together, but Thursday was with Bond, Friday I spent with friends and slept at home, and then from noonish to Sunday evening I was with Bond until Golden and I again had a Sleepy Times date. We saw each other a large number of hours on Saturday and Sunday, and we took a really long walk, just the two of us, last night after dinner, but unless it's "his" time he really feels the lack of connection/intimacy. I get it, we have a special connection when we are alone, which is heightened when we are intimate. I think he was especially feeling the sense of need, because Bond scheduled a lot of time with me preceding and following his trip to Texas for his dad's funeral. Additionally, I think the fact that he scheduled his week very tightly with all his girls this week, thus limiting how much time he and I will have together, is hitting him. Today I sent him some calendar invites for midweek following Bond's return and last night we established that when Bond is gone we're going to spend most of our time together, including a cookout that Michelle and John are throwing. I think he's starting to feel better. I do love that man! Last night he told me he is "mesmerized" by me. I find it incredible that I have fallen in love with two wonderful men in the span of a year, actually much less than a year.
I am a lucky, lucky girl. Saturday night as Bond I were driving to a film fest of amateur porn (yes, my life is enchanted) he was talking about how comfortable he was putting things in the calendar this time around. He said that he wasn't concerned that I would be stressed by it, because it seems we're established now. It's true. I was happy to see that he was putting things in the calendar. I understood why M or Bea got certain days and none of it worried me or stressed me. When I saw the invites he had sent out I had a peaceful feeling that he and I have lots and lots of time - a future's worth and there was no stress. I know he loves me and he shows me in a myriad of ways consistently.
He also said as he was doing it he was trying to make sure he had enough time on the calendar with me to not feel a loss. I asked for clarification; did he mean so that I'd be okay? He said, no, it was so he'd be okay and not feel that he didn't have enough hours with me. <- wow! That was so nice to hear. Bond is so laid back and "go with the flow" that I have been concerned that he was scheduling like he has been just for my sake. It's wonderful to know that he is doing it for his benefit also. Warm fuzzies.
When Naya picked up the boys last night most of us were in the kitchen and at that moment we were having a fun-spirited debate on which day the week started on, Sunday or Monday. I was arguing that it started on Sunday (duh, all calendars in the U.S. start on Sunday!) and all of the guys, Bond, Golden, and three out of four sons, were all arguing that it started on Monday. We were all laughing and I quickly enlisted her to my side before she fully knew what was happening. It was a short, fun debate which morphed into the validity of the Bible, before they moved onto getting the kids' stuff gathered. After seeing them off, Bond came in and said that Naya said I was "fun and pretty cool." Yay! That was so awesome to hear! Squee!
The book discussion Thursday night was a lot of fun, although as group discussions often are, it was less comprehensive than I'd have liked. Today I hosted the Poly Nooner and our topic was Chapter 13, Empowered Relationships from the same book, More Than Two. I made copies of the chapter and passed them out, but because I was the only one who had read the book the group decided that we will have the same topic the next time we meet. I'm going to make an online PDF available so others who may not have attended today can read it ahead of time.
Update: It seems that Golden's romance with Dragon may not take off. He's not feeling it. He thinks they aren't clicking.
Bummer. He's not calling it yet, and will follow through with the dates they have on the calendar to see for sure.
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Monday night Bond and I went to Polycocktails together. On the way I brought up that Bea was going to be there. He had forgotten her husband had said she was going when we saw him at the Nooner. We talked about if this was going to be a problem for me or not, and I said that I'd be fine as long as he didn't spend most of his time with her. He said good, because he wanted to talk to her, but wouldn't forget he was with me. Which is basically what he did - forgot he was with me.
We arrived via the back, so we had to walk all the way through the bar to the front to get name tags. Right before we reached our goal I spotted my roommate so I stopped to say hi to her and while I was doing that out of the corner of my eye I saw Bea come up to Bond and they kissed. Following scribbling our names and affixing the tags to our shirts Bond bought us drinks and we went out to the patio. We hadn't been out there long, maybe 20 minutes, (we had arrived late), before WP called everyone inside for his announcement spiel. I was engaged in conversation with a friend about his recent motorcycle trip to France and he and a few other friends poo-pooed the idea of going in because it's always the same info, so I bowed to peer pressure and stayed on the patio while Bond went inside. And that was pretty much the last he left Bea's side the rest of the night.
I joined them twice; once when they were sitting on stools in the short hallway between the bar and the patio, and another time when they were sitting on the patio in an area with limited seating I sat on Bond's lap for a bit. I'd have taken a chair, but there weren't any free. I felt odd sitting on his lap, very much like a 3rd wheel. They were holding hands. Conversation was between them and some of the people around them, but I wasn't sure if they were making small talk with those around them was because I had arrived and interrupted their coupledom. Also, I was very aware of the time months ago when I had joined them when they were sitting on stools at the bar. I had stepped between Bond's knees and joined their conversation for a few minutes before we left. The organizers had been trying to shoo people out the door so they could end the event, so I had come over to tell them that they wanted us to leave. Both Bond and I had felt good about how comfortable we had been with that, but later Bea told Bond that it was "not cool".
It was an odd mix of people that night and many of them left early. B was busy with playing hostess, so I sort of floated between several groups and talked to her when opportunity presented itself. In the course of the evening two people, one being B and the other could have been Rob, but I can't recall that with certainty, asked me what was up with Bond spending all his time with Bea, so it wasn't just my perception.
When Bea was leaving she asked Bond to walk her to her car and then turned to me to ask if it would be okay if she stole him for a few minutes. Thinking about it now, I'm surprised I was actually in the vicinity. I think I must have been talking to a group near them on the patio and turned when she and Bond stood up. Anyway, they went out the back of the patio and I meandered inside. After a time, perhaps 15 minutes, I sent Bond two texts. The first just said one word: "Fail." The second was, "Who is your date?"
To be continued...
We arrived via the back, so we had to walk all the way through the bar to the front to get name tags. Right before we reached our goal I spotted my roommate so I stopped to say hi to her and while I was doing that out of the corner of my eye I saw Bea come up to Bond and they kissed. Following scribbling our names and affixing the tags to our shirts Bond bought us drinks and we went out to the patio. We hadn't been out there long, maybe 20 minutes, (we had arrived late), before WP called everyone inside for his announcement spiel. I was engaged in conversation with a friend about his recent motorcycle trip to France and he and a few other friends poo-pooed the idea of going in because it's always the same info, so I bowed to peer pressure and stayed on the patio while Bond went inside. And that was pretty much the last he left Bea's side the rest of the night.
I joined them twice; once when they were sitting on stools in the short hallway between the bar and the patio, and another time when they were sitting on the patio in an area with limited seating I sat on Bond's lap for a bit. I'd have taken a chair, but there weren't any free. I felt odd sitting on his lap, very much like a 3rd wheel. They were holding hands. Conversation was between them and some of the people around them, but I wasn't sure if they were making small talk with those around them was because I had arrived and interrupted their coupledom. Also, I was very aware of the time months ago when I had joined them when they were sitting on stools at the bar. I had stepped between Bond's knees and joined their conversation for a few minutes before we left. The organizers had been trying to shoo people out the door so they could end the event, so I had come over to tell them that they wanted us to leave. Both Bond and I had felt good about how comfortable we had been with that, but later Bea told Bond that it was "not cool".
It was an odd mix of people that night and many of them left early. B was busy with playing hostess, so I sort of floated between several groups and talked to her when opportunity presented itself. In the course of the evening two people, one being B and the other could have been Rob, but I can't recall that with certainty, asked me what was up with Bond spending all his time with Bea, so it wasn't just my perception.
When Bea was leaving she asked Bond to walk her to her car and then turned to me to ask if it would be okay if she stole him for a few minutes. Thinking about it now, I'm surprised I was actually in the vicinity. I think I must have been talking to a group near them on the patio and turned when she and Bond stood up. Anyway, they went out the back of the patio and I meandered inside. After a time, perhaps 15 minutes, I sent Bond two texts. The first just said one word: "Fail." The second was, "Who is your date?"
To be continued...
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Continued...
Before Bond resurfaced I got a text: "You. Walked to car. Out in street."
I wasn't sure how to take this. Either he was oblivious, and yes, with Bond that is a possibility, or he was playing it off.
It's so hard to remember exactly what was said he came back inside, because so much discussion has happened since then and several days have passed now. I believe he said something to the effect that yes, he was with me and I am fairly certain I replied that he hadn't really been with me, because he had spent nearly the entirety of his time with Bea. What I do recall with clarity was an awkward air between us and him trying to make things right by being solicitous and me feeling like I had ruined things by peeing in the pool.
We socialized a wee bit more before heading out. As we were walking to the car he was explaining how he had totally missed the alley on his way back from seeing Bea to her car due to the pitch blackness and only found it when he had decided to reverse his steps to go around to the front of the building. I interpreted his chatter as an attempt to bridge the awkwardness and to offer up an explanation of why it took him so long to walk her to her car and say goodnight - as if that was the reason for my upset.
On the drive home I expressed that I felt hurt and also confused as to why he had spent nearly all of his time with Bea when we had had a discussion about this prior to arriving. I thought I had been clear and that he had agreed that as his date, yes, he'd spend the majority of the evening with me. So why had the opposite happened?
He said he had spent time with me when we first got there and that I had come and talked with them several times and that was good. He liked that. And he had told me that they were going out on the patio, so that implied I was welcome to join them.
In summation, he was open to me adding myself to their dyad. That he tends to talk to a limited number of people (shy introvert) and once he's settled he doesn't mingle (again, the shy introvert side of him.) He also had no concept of the passage of time.
He apologized that he hadn't spent more time with me.
We let conversation drift to other topics.
I still felt hurt, like I had been betrayed. Scared that I was going to get hurt more. Sad enough to cry, but not actually crying. I think the two years of emotional pain I lived through as my relationship with Twitch crashed and burned resulted in my ability to endure sadness to deeper depths before it spills out now. Felt deeply, but not shown outwardly.
Once home we prepared for bed, we talked and cuddled, we made love and in the darkness afterwards I decided to press forward. I was scared to ask, but my need to know was greater so I pushed myself to say the thing, to reopen the uncomfortable, to be vulnerable.
I wanted to know what he had been thinking and feeling at Polycocktails. How he had thought the night was going. I needed to understand where he had been at cognitively and emotionally; whether he had been concerned or not. If he had made a callous decision or an oblivious misstep.
He had thought he had spent time with me and he felt he was just catching up with someone he hadn't seen in a number of days. He had thought I was fine, because I seem so confident and strong to him. His perception was that I was enjoying myself.
I said that I'm not going to outwardly show my insecurities, that I will put on a good front to the world, but I have insecurities about being unwanted and replaceable, and that we've talked many times about Bea triggering them. He said that he forgets that I am not as strong as he perceives me to be. That he always thinks of M as being the fragile one.
He said I could have joined them. They were sitting with others and visiting. - it wasn't like they were off by themselves, and obviously I knew that, because I did come sit on his lap and that he had liked that very much.
I explained how I felt like I was intruding upon the two of them when I joined them. I reminded him of Bea's reaction when I had done so before. He had forgotten that. In light of that it made sense to him that I would feel that way all things considered.
There were statements of his love and that he was very sorry. It wasn't intended.
We lay together in the dark, he being the big spoon to my little spoon, and we fell asleep.
Here's the thing, I felt I was being bold and vulnerable the two times I joined them. Like Anna standing before William, I felt like a girl standing before a boy, asking him to love her. I may not have used my words, so I can't hold it against him in any way whatsoever, but each time I walked up to him in my heart I was presenting myself to him, asking for him to notice me, to remember what we had talked before we arrived, to see that I was being hurt and to rescue my trust.
Before Bond resurfaced I got a text: "You. Walked to car. Out in street."
I wasn't sure how to take this. Either he was oblivious, and yes, with Bond that is a possibility, or he was playing it off.
It's so hard to remember exactly what was said he came back inside, because so much discussion has happened since then and several days have passed now. I believe he said something to the effect that yes, he was with me and I am fairly certain I replied that he hadn't really been with me, because he had spent nearly the entirety of his time with Bea. What I do recall with clarity was an awkward air between us and him trying to make things right by being solicitous and me feeling like I had ruined things by peeing in the pool.
We socialized a wee bit more before heading out. As we were walking to the car he was explaining how he had totally missed the alley on his way back from seeing Bea to her car due to the pitch blackness and only found it when he had decided to reverse his steps to go around to the front of the building. I interpreted his chatter as an attempt to bridge the awkwardness and to offer up an explanation of why it took him so long to walk her to her car and say goodnight - as if that was the reason for my upset.
On the drive home I expressed that I felt hurt and also confused as to why he had spent nearly all of his time with Bea when we had had a discussion about this prior to arriving. I thought I had been clear and that he had agreed that as his date, yes, he'd spend the majority of the evening with me. So why had the opposite happened?
He said he had spent time with me when we first got there and that I had come and talked with them several times and that was good. He liked that. And he had told me that they were going out on the patio, so that implied I was welcome to join them.
In summation, he was open to me adding myself to their dyad. That he tends to talk to a limited number of people (shy introvert) and once he's settled he doesn't mingle (again, the shy introvert side of him.) He also had no concept of the passage of time.
He apologized that he hadn't spent more time with me.
We let conversation drift to other topics.
I still felt hurt, like I had been betrayed. Scared that I was going to get hurt more. Sad enough to cry, but not actually crying. I think the two years of emotional pain I lived through as my relationship with Twitch crashed and burned resulted in my ability to endure sadness to deeper depths before it spills out now. Felt deeply, but not shown outwardly.
Once home we prepared for bed, we talked and cuddled, we made love and in the darkness afterwards I decided to press forward. I was scared to ask, but my need to know was greater so I pushed myself to say the thing, to reopen the uncomfortable, to be vulnerable.
I wanted to know what he had been thinking and feeling at Polycocktails. How he had thought the night was going. I needed to understand where he had been at cognitively and emotionally; whether he had been concerned or not. If he had made a callous decision or an oblivious misstep.
He had thought he had spent time with me and he felt he was just catching up with someone he hadn't seen in a number of days. He had thought I was fine, because I seem so confident and strong to him. His perception was that I was enjoying myself.
I said that I'm not going to outwardly show my insecurities, that I will put on a good front to the world, but I have insecurities about being unwanted and replaceable, and that we've talked many times about Bea triggering them. He said that he forgets that I am not as strong as he perceives me to be. That he always thinks of M as being the fragile one.
He said I could have joined them. They were sitting with others and visiting. - it wasn't like they were off by themselves, and obviously I knew that, because I did come sit on his lap and that he had liked that very much.
I explained how I felt like I was intruding upon the two of them when I joined them. I reminded him of Bea's reaction when I had done so before. He had forgotten that. In light of that it made sense to him that I would feel that way all things considered.
There were statements of his love and that he was very sorry. It wasn't intended.
We lay together in the dark, he being the big spoon to my little spoon, and we fell asleep.
Here's the thing, I felt I was being bold and vulnerable the two times I joined them. Like Anna standing before William, I felt like a girl standing before a boy, asking him to love her. I may not have used my words, so I can't hold it against him in any way whatsoever, but each time I walked up to him in my heart I was presenting myself to him, asking for him to notice me, to remember what we had talked before we arrived, to see that I was being hurt and to rescue my trust.
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PinkPig
Well-known member
I'm sorry
I've felt this way with Blue once when a bright, new shiny was present. It's not a good feeling. I'm glad you talked it out. I hope he understands and remembers. ((Hugs))
The cost
I felt so emotionally low the next day that I decided to take the afternoon off from work and go home and pack and maybe later take a bike ride. Golden brought his lunch to my house and we talked while we ate and then he studied while I packed until he had to leave to pick up his son from school.
He had gotten a brief explanation of what went down the night before via text that morning, but in person I was able to tell him more and the more I explained the more pissed off he got at Bond. I probably shouldn't have used him as the person to unload all of this on, because of his friendship with Bond and because they are metamours. On the other hand, he's a good choice, because he knows both of us, loves both of us, has had a ton of psychology classes, and has a lot of emotional intelligence.
I was able to process more in the retelling and that helped. Golden's perspective was also helpful.
I realized that I had lost some of my trust in Bond and that was a big factor in why this hurt so much. I had trusted that if I communicated, he'd hear me.
After Golden left I was able to do some serious packing and work through my emotions.
I had already been feeling that I have no interest in going back to Polycocktails, although I find it hard to believe that feeling will persist because I love it so much. Expanding from that feeling I realized that I did not want to be subjected to Bond and Bea together again for the unforeseeable future. When I thought of the game night that Bond wants to host I really reacted strongly to not wanting to be subjected to the two of them together, especially in that setting. It's one thing to be out among a large number of people where you can step away, but it's another to have it right in your face - unavoidably so.
This makes me sad. I have envisioned us hosting social gatherings, like brunches, comprised of our partners and their people, and I really wanted to make these gatherings happen on a regular basis. In my head we would all enjoy seeing one another and there wouldn't be tension, instead these gatherings would help diffuse tension. Attention wouldn't be focused on one partner, but would be as casual as any gathering of friends. To think that I'm not capable makes me sad and I don't want this to be a set state.
To be continued...
I felt so emotionally low the next day that I decided to take the afternoon off from work and go home and pack and maybe later take a bike ride. Golden brought his lunch to my house and we talked while we ate and then he studied while I packed until he had to leave to pick up his son from school.
He had gotten a brief explanation of what went down the night before via text that morning, but in person I was able to tell him more and the more I explained the more pissed off he got at Bond. I probably shouldn't have used him as the person to unload all of this on, because of his friendship with Bond and because they are metamours. On the other hand, he's a good choice, because he knows both of us, loves both of us, has had a ton of psychology classes, and has a lot of emotional intelligence.
I was able to process more in the retelling and that helped. Golden's perspective was also helpful.
I realized that I had lost some of my trust in Bond and that was a big factor in why this hurt so much. I had trusted that if I communicated, he'd hear me.
After Golden left I was able to do some serious packing and work through my emotions.
I had already been feeling that I have no interest in going back to Polycocktails, although I find it hard to believe that feeling will persist because I love it so much. Expanding from that feeling I realized that I did not want to be subjected to Bond and Bea together again for the unforeseeable future. When I thought of the game night that Bond wants to host I really reacted strongly to not wanting to be subjected to the two of them together, especially in that setting. It's one thing to be out among a large number of people where you can step away, but it's another to have it right in your face - unavoidably so.
This makes me sad. I have envisioned us hosting social gatherings, like brunches, comprised of our partners and their people, and I really wanted to make these gatherings happen on a regular basis. In my head we would all enjoy seeing one another and there wouldn't be tension, instead these gatherings would help diffuse tension. Attention wouldn't be focused on one partner, but would be as casual as any gathering of friends. To think that I'm not capable makes me sad and I don't want this to be a set state.
To be continued...
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That night was a Bond and M night. At bedtime I used the Find My Friends app Bond set up on my phone to see where he was. He was driving home. I checked back a little later and his car was stopped by the little library on his street which is a portal in his game. After seeing he had taken time to do that I was fairly certain M wasn't coming home with him.
[Via text]
Me: Did you bring home a girl?
Bond: I did not. Did you?
Me: Nope.
Bond: Darn.
Me: LOL
Me: Ditto
Bond: Are you home?
Me: Yes
Bond: I almost stopped by your place. But I wanted to get back for [son#1].
Bond: But it took long enough for him to be asleep
[chit-chat about son]
Me: Hey, I should give you a heads up that I'm dealing with some fallout from last night.
Bond: Oh?
Me: Right now I don't care to go to Polycocktails. I know that will probably change in a few days, but at the moment I don't care to be in any situation where I have to contend with Bea.
Me: Including if you host a game night.
Bond: Oh, uh, ok.
Bond: You just don't want to see her?
Me: I don't like that I'm feeling like that. I'll work on it. I don't want to cause you to be uncomfortable with me when it comes to her, but last night really hurt. I thought we went into that with an understanding of what I would be comfortable with, but somewhere along the way things went sideways.
Me: I don't want to be around the two of you when she's your main focus even though you and I are supposed to be together.
Bond: Ok. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable and hurt you. I didn't mean to. I'm glad you say you'll work on it. I'm not uncomfortable with you. I'm glad you're telling me how you feel. And you should always feel you can tell me if things are going sideways. I'll work on paying attention better.
Me: Thank you.
Me: I love you
Bond: I love you so much.
Me: That makes me smile.
Me: Good night �� �� �� [kissy face emoticons]
Bond: ������ [zzz's]
[Wednesday morning via IM]
Bond: hey baby. i was thinking about you this morning and how to make sure i don't alienate you. Love you!
Me: Thanks. It makes me sad to feel like this. I was so close to being past my Bea issues. It just smacked right into all those triggers from Twitch being so caught up in Shasti that he would always put her first.
I needed to feel some balance and to have it tipping in my favor that night because I had talked about it going in and because we were supposed to be together.
When I ask myself if I feel loved by you the answer is yes. Very much.
When I break it down I know the scale is overwhelmingly in my favor. I get the majority of your time and attention. You're moving me into your home for goodness sake! But there is (obviously) a part of me that expects I'm going to become uninteresting to you and unwanted.
Bond: Well, sorry you're stuck with me because i'm keeping you. ��[smiley faces]
Me: Lol. Absolutely perfect answer. I love you!
And it really was the perfect answer and I felt so much better, like it all evaporated, or nearly.
The End
[Via text]
Me: Did you bring home a girl?
Bond: I did not. Did you?
Me: Nope.
Bond: Darn.
Me: LOL
Me: Ditto
Bond: Are you home?
Me: Yes
Bond: I almost stopped by your place. But I wanted to get back for [son#1].
Bond: But it took long enough for him to be asleep
[chit-chat about son]
Me: Hey, I should give you a heads up that I'm dealing with some fallout from last night.
Bond: Oh?
Me: Right now I don't care to go to Polycocktails. I know that will probably change in a few days, but at the moment I don't care to be in any situation where I have to contend with Bea.
Me: Including if you host a game night.
Bond: Oh, uh, ok.
Bond: You just don't want to see her?
Me: I don't like that I'm feeling like that. I'll work on it. I don't want to cause you to be uncomfortable with me when it comes to her, but last night really hurt. I thought we went into that with an understanding of what I would be comfortable with, but somewhere along the way things went sideways.
Me: I don't want to be around the two of you when she's your main focus even though you and I are supposed to be together.
Bond: Ok. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable and hurt you. I didn't mean to. I'm glad you say you'll work on it. I'm not uncomfortable with you. I'm glad you're telling me how you feel. And you should always feel you can tell me if things are going sideways. I'll work on paying attention better.
Me: Thank you.
Me: I love you
Bond: I love you so much.
Me: That makes me smile.
Me: Good night �� �� �� [kissy face emoticons]
Bond: ������ [zzz's]
[Wednesday morning via IM]
Bond: hey baby. i was thinking about you this morning and how to make sure i don't alienate you. Love you!
Me: Thanks. It makes me sad to feel like this. I was so close to being past my Bea issues. It just smacked right into all those triggers from Twitch being so caught up in Shasti that he would always put her first.
I needed to feel some balance and to have it tipping in my favor that night because I had talked about it going in and because we were supposed to be together.
When I ask myself if I feel loved by you the answer is yes. Very much.
When I break it down I know the scale is overwhelmingly in my favor. I get the majority of your time and attention. You're moving me into your home for goodness sake! But there is (obviously) a part of me that expects I'm going to become uninteresting to you and unwanted.
Bond: Well, sorry you're stuck with me because i'm keeping you. ��[smiley faces]
Me: Lol. Absolutely perfect answer. I love you!
And it really was the perfect answer and I felt so much better, like it all evaporated, or nearly.
The End
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I'm sorry
Thanks, P!nkPig!
This.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201509/why-little-things-are-worth-getting-upset-about
"When there is a pattern of broken agreements in a relationship, trust erodes, and the person who gets disappointed esteems and respects you less. After all, it’s hard not to feel that “I must not be that important to you if you prioritized something else over me and the agreement that we made."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201509/why-little-things-are-worth-getting-upset-about
"When there is a pattern of broken agreements in a relationship, trust erodes, and the person who gets disappointed esteems and respects you less. After all, it’s hard not to feel that “I must not be that important to you if you prioritized something else over me and the agreement that we made."
And she's back!
Last night I started to feel like I am truly back from the crappy side of life that I took myself to following Polycocktails last week.
I was already most of the way back to being okie dokie 100%, but there were a few things that really tipped the scale and got my thinking and emotions back on track.
Over the weekend Bond told me that he is excited about me moving in and that gave me permission to feel excited also. Funny how that works. I think part of me worried that he had regrets. His decision to ask me to move in with him cost him his relationship with M for the most part. I wasn't sure if he was feeling regretful on some levels. I have asked him often enough if he was sure and he has always said he was sure, but he's so even keeled that I couldn't detect if he was just sticking with a decision he had made or if it was something he really wanted. The way he said he was excited about it sounded so genuine and it came with zero prompting and out of the blue. And that released me to feel excited, too!
I had to meet Twitch partway between our two cities to get my laptop back last night. As I drove my mind was busy visiting different things...like my insecurities. When I take them out and examine them, they are ridiculous. If anyone should feel insecure about their relationship with either of my guys it shouldn't be me. The bounty I receive from both my men is amazing. I am the one who receives most of their time and attention. I am the one moving into the house. I am the one who has love coming at me from two sides. With both men I feel a very close, intimate connection that each of us values and works to maintain and strengthen. So, I'll keep doing me and focusing on all of the wonderful things I have going on with each guy and working to keep that going and strengthening it and I'll quit stressing over perceived threats. I am loved.
Other things happening
Bond had a date with Bea Sunday night. I thought I may feel a little bit wobbly about that and didn't want to spend the night there with Golden in case Bond was entertaining at the house, but when I really thought about it it was a nonissue. Feeling secure. In the end, they weren't at the house - he went to her place for dinner. The funny thing is Bond was back home before we were asleep and I felt bad that his night ended kind of early and without any sexy time shenanigans.
Yesterday Bond and M were on the calendar, but she canceled on him. I saw a post on Facebook that she had spent hours cleaning to deal with stress. She mentioned something work-related. Today they both have the day off and when I spoke to him this morning he wasn't sure if she was coming over or not and wouldn't know until she woke up around 11:00 or so. I feel sad for him that she leaves him not knowing if their relationship is ending and she's slowly moving him out of her life, or if this is the new normal. Whatever it is I think it's making him sad being in this limbo.
I get to see Bond tonight. He leaves for Texas tomorrow morning for his father's funeral. My heart wants to help his heart, but it's a solo mission. He returns Sunday around noon.
I feel kind of guilty that I'm looking forward to having this time with Golden. We have never had this many days together. He'll have one of his kids every day, but we won't have other adults or Bond's kids around, so it'll feel like a holiday almost. You know, one of those holidays where you have to get up in the morning and go to work. LOL
Last night I started to feel like I am truly back from the crappy side of life that I took myself to following Polycocktails last week.
I was already most of the way back to being okie dokie 100%, but there were a few things that really tipped the scale and got my thinking and emotions back on track.
Over the weekend Bond told me that he is excited about me moving in and that gave me permission to feel excited also. Funny how that works. I think part of me worried that he had regrets. His decision to ask me to move in with him cost him his relationship with M for the most part. I wasn't sure if he was feeling regretful on some levels. I have asked him often enough if he was sure and he has always said he was sure, but he's so even keeled that I couldn't detect if he was just sticking with a decision he had made or if it was something he really wanted. The way he said he was excited about it sounded so genuine and it came with zero prompting and out of the blue. And that released me to feel excited, too!
I had to meet Twitch partway between our two cities to get my laptop back last night. As I drove my mind was busy visiting different things...like my insecurities. When I take them out and examine them, they are ridiculous. If anyone should feel insecure about their relationship with either of my guys it shouldn't be me. The bounty I receive from both my men is amazing. I am the one who receives most of their time and attention. I am the one moving into the house. I am the one who has love coming at me from two sides. With both men I feel a very close, intimate connection that each of us values and works to maintain and strengthen. So, I'll keep doing me and focusing on all of the wonderful things I have going on with each guy and working to keep that going and strengthening it and I'll quit stressing over perceived threats. I am loved.
It all begins
and ends in
your mind. What
you give power
to, has power
over you, if
you allow it.
and ends in
your mind. What
you give power
to, has power
over you, if
you allow it.
Other things happening
Bond had a date with Bea Sunday night. I thought I may feel a little bit wobbly about that and didn't want to spend the night there with Golden in case Bond was entertaining at the house, but when I really thought about it it was a nonissue. Feeling secure. In the end, they weren't at the house - he went to her place for dinner. The funny thing is Bond was back home before we were asleep and I felt bad that his night ended kind of early and without any sexy time shenanigans.
Yesterday Bond and M were on the calendar, but she canceled on him. I saw a post on Facebook that she had spent hours cleaning to deal with stress. She mentioned something work-related. Today they both have the day off and when I spoke to him this morning he wasn't sure if she was coming over or not and wouldn't know until she woke up around 11:00 or so. I feel sad for him that she leaves him not knowing if their relationship is ending and she's slowly moving him out of her life, or if this is the new normal. Whatever it is I think it's making him sad being in this limbo.
I get to see Bond tonight. He leaves for Texas tomorrow morning for his father's funeral. My heart wants to help his heart, but it's a solo mission. He returns Sunday around noon.
I feel kind of guilty that I'm looking forward to having this time with Golden. We have never had this many days together. He'll have one of his kids every day, but we won't have other adults or Bond's kids around, so it'll feel like a holiday almost. You know, one of those holidays where you have to get up in the morning and go to work. LOL
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Bond flies to Texas today. They've spread his father's funeral over three days. Tonight is the vigil, tomorrow the mass, and Friday is the military honors.
He packed this morning and I helped a bit. He really needs to buy some dress clothes. He owns two white dress shirts, one of which he thinks someone gave to him and he doesn't believe it's the correct size, and the other is yellowing. I made a comment that he needed to replace it at some point down the road. It's so hard for me to step away from caring about what my partner is wearing for special occasions. Bond couldn't care less about dress clothes and shoes. Twitch lived for shoes and nice clothes. Polar opposites. Bond has the largest collection of t-shirts I've ever encountered, and the fewest pants and shorts of anyone I know. His t-shirts are almost all related to the games he's worked on and were given to him by his employer. That being said, they're pretty damn cool t-shirts with lots of cred. I've witnessed a number of occasions when both kids and adults alike have made comments about them. When it comes to footwear, other than his sandals, his only pair of shoes are slip-ons. Oh, he also has an older pair of hiking boots. Seriously!
Bond is not materialistic and is quite frugal. I admire that and how he has managed to build a decent portfolio, so I try to keep my mouth shut about things I think he needs. It's pretty obvious that he really doesn't need these things. (It's also obvious that he has managed money far better than I have.)
I surprised him with a really nice sleep mask last night. He loves it really dark when sleeping. His bedroom has blackout curtains. I was thinking about his time in TX and about him sleeping in the guest room at his parents' home. I doubted that it would meet the level of darkness he prefers, so I ordered the mask for him. Once it arrived I was a bit hesitant to give it to him because I was worried that I was pushing against his non-materialistic way, but I went ahead and gave it to him and he liked it.
M: She never came over yesterday or responded to his text asking her if she wanted to do lunch. That was the last scheduled time they have on the calendar and I wonder if Bond will attempt to schedule other dates with her going forward.
He packed this morning and I helped a bit. He really needs to buy some dress clothes. He owns two white dress shirts, one of which he thinks someone gave to him and he doesn't believe it's the correct size, and the other is yellowing. I made a comment that he needed to replace it at some point down the road. It's so hard for me to step away from caring about what my partner is wearing for special occasions. Bond couldn't care less about dress clothes and shoes. Twitch lived for shoes and nice clothes. Polar opposites. Bond has the largest collection of t-shirts I've ever encountered, and the fewest pants and shorts of anyone I know. His t-shirts are almost all related to the games he's worked on and were given to him by his employer. That being said, they're pretty damn cool t-shirts with lots of cred. I've witnessed a number of occasions when both kids and adults alike have made comments about them. When it comes to footwear, other than his sandals, his only pair of shoes are slip-ons. Oh, he also has an older pair of hiking boots. Seriously!
Bond is not materialistic and is quite frugal. I admire that and how he has managed to build a decent portfolio, so I try to keep my mouth shut about things I think he needs. It's pretty obvious that he really doesn't need these things. (It's also obvious that he has managed money far better than I have.)
I surprised him with a really nice sleep mask last night. He loves it really dark when sleeping. His bedroom has blackout curtains. I was thinking about his time in TX and about him sleeping in the guest room at his parents' home. I doubted that it would meet the level of darkness he prefers, so I ordered the mask for him. Once it arrived I was a bit hesitant to give it to him because I was worried that I was pushing against his non-materialistic way, but I went ahead and gave it to him and he liked it.
M: She never came over yesterday or responded to his text asking her if she wanted to do lunch. That was the last scheduled time they have on the calendar and I wonder if Bond will attempt to schedule other dates with her going forward.
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Damn. Saw a post on Facebook by the Music Man I went on a date with last May, or was it earlier? Anyway, I did some stalking, found a link to some of his band's music. They're good. Blues. He's got a nice voice.
I've thought of him often since I ghosted on him. I wonder how forgiving he'd be if I were to show some interest again. Maybe I'll test the waters once I'm moved and life has settled a bit.
My issue before was that although he had tried poly (in an attempt to save his marriage), once his marriage ended he decided he wanted to go back to monogamy. I didn't think it would be wise to date a mono man. Another huge factor was that I had two relationships that were new at the time. I still consider both relationships rather new at just 8 and 6 months old, but they seem really solid. And if I wait another month or so...
He's really nice...and attractive...and dang, the music...hmmm
It might be fun to have someone to go out with once a week, or every other week. He's out of the country for work a great deal of the time, so that alone would limit getting together.
Something to think about.
I've thought of him often since I ghosted on him. I wonder how forgiving he'd be if I were to show some interest again. Maybe I'll test the waters once I'm moved and life has settled a bit.
My issue before was that although he had tried poly (in an attempt to save his marriage), once his marriage ended he decided he wanted to go back to monogamy. I didn't think it would be wise to date a mono man. Another huge factor was that I had two relationships that were new at the time. I still consider both relationships rather new at just 8 and 6 months old, but they seem really solid. And if I wait another month or so...
He's really nice...and attractive...and dang, the music...hmmm
It might be fun to have someone to go out with once a week, or every other week. He's out of the country for work a great deal of the time, so that alone would limit getting together.
Something to think about.
Three weeks!
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! I move into The Beach (nickname for Bond's house, started by Golden months ago) in 23 days! So exciting!
After work today I'm stopping by my house to load as many boxes as I can fit in my car. Time to get serious about this move. With Bond out of the house until midday Sunday, Golden and I are taking advantage of his absence to organize the mechanical room, closets, and cupboard space. The Beach has more storage space than any house I've ever seen. It's so odd to open a closet and find it nearly bare. It will make everything so much easier than having to find space that is already taken by other stuff. We plan on labeling the shelves to help keep things organized (king sheets, queen sheets, twin sheets, wash cloths, hand towels, bath towels, beach towels, etc.) We have tonight, Saturday, and Sunday morning to work our magic. Squeee!
Saturday is also a cooking day. We've depleted the freezer of soup and meatballs and now that Golden is working out of the house he relies on having something economical to take for lunch. I need to find some new recipes so we can have some variety - or just look through my Pinterest board and rotate some of those into the mix.
More squeee...
Tomorrow night (Friday) Beanie is spending the night at a friend's and won't be back until nearly noon Saturday morning. I can hardly believe we are going to have the house to ourselves for that many hours. NO KIDS! Amazeballs!
Golden and I are going to see Othello at a classical outdoor theatre that night. The tickets were a birthday gift from Twitch. He gave me tickets to two productions, and this is the second of the two. Golden went with me to the first and Bond was supposed to go with me to this one, but his father's funeral landed on the date of the play. Golden is totally jazzed to get to go again. It's fun having a partner that enjoys this stuff. I could always outsource a companion to fill the niche, but it's super nice to have a partner that appreciates the opportunity and looks forward to it. I'll have to wait for another time to see if Bond likes this sort of thing.
Saturday night we have a cookout at Michelle and John's, house. I hope that Beanie tolerates being the only kid. I think Golden is going to let her have her iPod to entertain herself. She ought to revel in the extra screen time.
Sunday night Golden invited Bond and me, and Titania and her hubby and kids, to DNR_Girl's place in the country to watch the lunar eclipse. I hope we get clear skies, because it ought to be spectacular.
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! I move into The Beach (nickname for Bond's house, started by Golden months ago) in 23 days! So exciting!
After work today I'm stopping by my house to load as many boxes as I can fit in my car. Time to get serious about this move. With Bond out of the house until midday Sunday, Golden and I are taking advantage of his absence to organize the mechanical room, closets, and cupboard space. The Beach has more storage space than any house I've ever seen. It's so odd to open a closet and find it nearly bare. It will make everything so much easier than having to find space that is already taken by other stuff. We plan on labeling the shelves to help keep things organized (king sheets, queen sheets, twin sheets, wash cloths, hand towels, bath towels, beach towels, etc.) We have tonight, Saturday, and Sunday morning to work our magic. Squeee!
Saturday is also a cooking day. We've depleted the freezer of soup and meatballs and now that Golden is working out of the house he relies on having something economical to take for lunch. I need to find some new recipes so we can have some variety - or just look through my Pinterest board and rotate some of those into the mix.
More squeee...
Tomorrow night (Friday) Beanie is spending the night at a friend's and won't be back until nearly noon Saturday morning. I can hardly believe we are going to have the house to ourselves for that many hours. NO KIDS! Amazeballs!
Golden and I are going to see Othello at a classical outdoor theatre that night. The tickets were a birthday gift from Twitch. He gave me tickets to two productions, and this is the second of the two. Golden went with me to the first and Bond was supposed to go with me to this one, but his father's funeral landed on the date of the play. Golden is totally jazzed to get to go again. It's fun having a partner that enjoys this stuff. I could always outsource a companion to fill the niche, but it's super nice to have a partner that appreciates the opportunity and looks forward to it. I'll have to wait for another time to see if Bond likes this sort of thing.
Saturday night we have a cookout at Michelle and John's, house. I hope that Beanie tolerates being the only kid. I think Golden is going to let her have her iPod to entertain herself. She ought to revel in the extra screen time.
Sunday night Golden invited Bond and me, and Titania and her hubby and kids, to DNR_Girl's place in the country to watch the lunar eclipse. I hope we get clear skies, because it ought to be spectacular.
Getting my neat freak on
Golden and I organized, sorted, purged, and re-stacked a bunch of boxes in the mechanical room. How Bond cannot think shelving is needed is beyond me. I told him via IM last night that I'd need him to be present before I could make more progress. There are toys the boys have outgrown, miscellaneous things that Nayad may want, and just stuff that needs to be sorted through. Hopefully with his help I'll be able to reduce the number of boxes significantly. The thought of adding my stuff to the disorganization causes me anxiety. It's such a beautiful space simply because of its sheer size and possibilities that it breaks my brain to see it cluttered with boxes.
Initially I thought Golden was going to be ineffective at sorting, purging, consolidating, and organizing. He has pretty severe ADD, so I was expecting it be like an enacted "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" situation, but he was able to organize his things pretty well. It's just that there is no place to put things now, because....no shelving!
There are several big boxes of DVDs, plus Golden's collection, and the media cabinet in the living room, full of DVDs and games. I think it may be time to consider ripping the movies to digital format. I imagine the guys will want to hang onto the physical discs, but they could be placed in totes and stored properly - you know, with an inventory list in each box.
The billiards table is still covered with boxes of board games. How to properly store board games? Hmm, I know shelving! (Okay, I'll shut up about shelving.) Once all the closets are organized maybe there will be space in one of them for the board games.
The ping pong table is nearly cleared off. There are several things of Golden's that are stacked on it and one big box of his stuff sitting next to it, but it's getting closer to being free of junk. I'd really like both tables to be free of clutter so the kids can actually play with them, otherwise, why have them?
Ah, and there is also my air hockey table that will need to go in that room if I decide to keep it. I'm tempted to give it to my youngest son, or sell it on Craigslist simply because I don't want to add to the clutter.
It's obvious that we aren't going to make the kind of progress I was hoping for in the next day and a half - not if we are going to grocery shop and cook tomorrow, and then go to a party that evening. Sigh.
Golden and I organized, sorted, purged, and re-stacked a bunch of boxes in the mechanical room. How Bond cannot think shelving is needed is beyond me. I told him via IM last night that I'd need him to be present before I could make more progress. There are toys the boys have outgrown, miscellaneous things that Nayad may want, and just stuff that needs to be sorted through. Hopefully with his help I'll be able to reduce the number of boxes significantly. The thought of adding my stuff to the disorganization causes me anxiety. It's such a beautiful space simply because of its sheer size and possibilities that it breaks my brain to see it cluttered with boxes.
Initially I thought Golden was going to be ineffective at sorting, purging, consolidating, and organizing. He has pretty severe ADD, so I was expecting it be like an enacted "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" situation, but he was able to organize his things pretty well. It's just that there is no place to put things now, because....no shelving!
There are several big boxes of DVDs, plus Golden's collection, and the media cabinet in the living room, full of DVDs and games. I think it may be time to consider ripping the movies to digital format. I imagine the guys will want to hang onto the physical discs, but they could be placed in totes and stored properly - you know, with an inventory list in each box.
The billiards table is still covered with boxes of board games. How to properly store board games? Hmm, I know shelving! (Okay, I'll shut up about shelving.) Once all the closets are organized maybe there will be space in one of them for the board games.
The ping pong table is nearly cleared off. There are several things of Golden's that are stacked on it and one big box of his stuff sitting next to it, but it's getting closer to being free of junk. I'd really like both tables to be free of clutter so the kids can actually play with them, otherwise, why have them?
Ah, and there is also my air hockey table that will need to go in that room if I decide to keep it. I'm tempted to give it to my youngest son, or sell it on Craigslist simply because I don't want to add to the clutter.
It's obvious that we aren't going to make the kind of progress I was hoping for in the next day and a half - not if we are going to grocery shop and cook tomorrow, and then go to a party that evening. Sigh.
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Guess who sent me an email about free shelving on the curb? Yep, that super awesome man, Bond! So, he does hear me. Love that man.
He then called me a little while later even though I'm at work, just because he wanted to hear my voice. Feeling so much love for him!
He then called me a little while later even though I'm at work, just because he wanted to hear my voice. Feeling so much love for him!
Friday night Golden and I went to see Othello. When I got the tickets and saw the date I was skeptical that the weather would be okay so late in the season, but it was fantastic. It was actually too warm for a jacket until the second half, and the air wasn't crisp until shortly before it finished at 11 pm. That's practically unheard of for our area at this time of the year. Global warming?
Between the lateness of the hour and because I've had a bit of a yeast infection that flared up towards the end of the week, we skipped sex when we got home, and didn't have sex Saturday morning. Thankfully, it wasn't raging, but it was enough to make me feel off. It seems like if my system gets out of whack that I'm likely to have repeated occurrences monthly for several months in a row. Things will flare up, I'll treat it, things will seem pretty normal and then wham, a month later it's all happening again. Ugh. I'm so sick of this happening.
Sunday morning Bond started sending me texts when he got to Atlanta. His flight was almost canceled, because of a sick pilot, but the airline found a sub and his arrival time actually got bumped up. He asked me if I'd pick him up at the airport because his car was parked really far away, even past the long term econo parking. He was surprised to see me waiting for him inside and kept saying that it had been ages since he'd been met that way, which delighted me that I had chosen to go inside, but also surprised me, because I always go inside to greet whoever I'm picking up. I took him to his car, which, get this, he had parked in the upper parking lot of a business that had gone out of business. He talked me into climbing over the console and laying on top of him, so we could be face to face. And then it became a need for skin to skin contact - a shirt may have been unzipped, a bra may have been unclasped, and a t-shirt may have been pulled up out of the way. There was talk about getting some lunch before he had to go to Beatdown, or maybe even running home beforehand, but in the end we used the time to connect.
That's one of the things I love with both my guys is that one way or another time will be spent talking, touching, and connecting. We all desire connection and other things will be put aside to make sure that happens.
We ended up totally christening my car in broad daylight in the back parking lot that was somewhat view-able from a side street. For the majority of the time all that would have been visible would have been me in the passenger seat, because Bond had the seat fully reclined, but then we got frustrated with that and he took the top, so for a bit he was probably mooning the world.
It was a lot of fun, but it totally caused my yeast infection to roar into full blown status. Grr. I'm treating it with the one day OTC treatment, but I wonder if I should schedule a doctor visit in case I need something stronger to make it be gone once and for all.
Between the lateness of the hour and because I've had a bit of a yeast infection that flared up towards the end of the week, we skipped sex when we got home, and didn't have sex Saturday morning. Thankfully, it wasn't raging, but it was enough to make me feel off. It seems like if my system gets out of whack that I'm likely to have repeated occurrences monthly for several months in a row. Things will flare up, I'll treat it, things will seem pretty normal and then wham, a month later it's all happening again. Ugh. I'm so sick of this happening.
Sunday morning Bond started sending me texts when he got to Atlanta. His flight was almost canceled, because of a sick pilot, but the airline found a sub and his arrival time actually got bumped up. He asked me if I'd pick him up at the airport because his car was parked really far away, even past the long term econo parking. He was surprised to see me waiting for him inside and kept saying that it had been ages since he'd been met that way, which delighted me that I had chosen to go inside, but also surprised me, because I always go inside to greet whoever I'm picking up. I took him to his car, which, get this, he had parked in the upper parking lot of a business that had gone out of business. He talked me into climbing over the console and laying on top of him, so we could be face to face. And then it became a need for skin to skin contact - a shirt may have been unzipped, a bra may have been unclasped, and a t-shirt may have been pulled up out of the way.
There was talk about getting some lunch before he had to go to Beatdown, or maybe even running home beforehand, but in the end we used the time to connect.That's one of the things I love with both my guys is that one way or another time will be spent talking, touching, and connecting. We all desire connection and other things will be put aside to make sure that happens.
We ended up totally christening my car in broad daylight in the back parking lot that was somewhat view-able from a side street. For the majority of the time all that would have been visible would have been me in the passenger seat, because Bond had the seat fully reclined, but then we got frustrated with that and he took the top, so for a bit he was probably mooning the world.
It was a lot of fun, but it totally caused my yeast infection to roar into full blown status. Grr. I'm treating it with the one day OTC treatment, but I wonder if I should schedule a doctor visit in case I need something stronger to make it be gone once and for all.